Notes on Cultural Matchmaking
Paul Carrick Brunson
Global Relationship Science Expert @Tinder | Co-Owner @Sutton United FC | TV Host | Podcast Host @Flight Studio | Serial Entrepreneur w/ 3 Exits
Although I’ve taken a sabbatical from matchmaking for the time being, the practice is still close to my heart and a subject I continue to find fascinating.?
Recently, I had lunch with a friend from Pakistan, and he described to me the matchmaking process in his culture. He mentioned that there is an “aunty” in the community who keeps the names of eligible singles as well as what the singles want in a partner. When she believes she has a match, she’ll arrange for the families to meet, which most of the time takes place in the house of the prospective bride.?
Typically both parents, a sibling, and the prospective bride/groom attend; however, this can sometimes include other family members like grandparents, uncles, and aunts. The meeting typically takes place over a meal where a wide variety of topics are discussed and it ends with the prospective bride and groom getting some alone time, perhaps in another room, to chat for a while.?
Then, the groom’s family departs and each family debriefs about if they believe there is a strong match. Once a decision has been reached, the families will inform the “aunty” of their decision. If both families have expressed interest in the match, the marriage planning begins.?
I’ve long been aware of the generalities of this process and understand each culture that uses community matchmakers has different variations but the one element that remains consistent and the one reason why the data is beginning to tell us that arranged marriages last longer and have higher satisfaction is the one element I believe would fundamentally change dating:
The introduction of family early and an open discussion between family members where the views and opinions of each family member are taken into account.?
This is magic and can literally mean the difference between generations of happiness and one marriage of tumult that ends abruptly. I believe when family and friends are included in the decision-making process of selecting a partner, it reduces our blindspots. After all, we are irrational 100% of the time when we think we’re in love.?
领英推荐
What I love about this process is that it puts a lot of focus on each match. It’s that focus on each match that provides the couple with more value and satisfaction with the pairing.?
Other notes from this week…
?? African Queens on Netflix – I knew this story from books already, but it was powerful to watch the narrative unfold cinematically.?
?? Living with Limerence by Dr. L – If you’re not familiar with the term “Limerence” I highly encourage you to look it up. It is, in a word, fascinating.
?? Tongue Scraper You may remember Ryan-Mark from series 10 of Celebs Go Dating. There was a time that he mentioned how he judges people on how their tongue looks. I’ll admit, I went home the evening he mentioned it and realized my tongue looked terrible - maybe from the oat milk coffees I drink. I immediately bought a tongue scraper.?
Enjoy the week ahead!
xx Paul
HR Leader specialising in executing strategies to improve organisational outcomes and create engaged workforce cultures.
1 年Sounds absolutely reasonable to me. If this was extended to other communities we may not find ourselves with lots of single parent households with mother struggling financially and emotionally. If all parties are willing and have the right to say no, not for me then I do not see the harm. Tongue scrapping is absolutely necessary for dental hygiene and has been practiced in African cultures for generations.
Saving Your Event from being a Fyre Festival | Building Creative Events With Your Audience In Mind | Posts About The Process
1 年I loved when this hit my email and I see a lot of this when wearing my wedding planner hat. It's eye opening to see how couples come together.
Data Protection Officer-DPO| Experte en développement stratégique| Gestion de projet et conformité réglementaire| Conceptrice Organisationnel ??
1 年Funny on the tongue judging! That's a new one for me, ha! Be careful with the tongue scrapper. I've also read that dentists and health professionals do not agree on the benefits. You can damage your papillae (taste buds) or cause infections. So, use with caution. ??