NORMAN SMITH'S BERLIN ADVENTURE - CHAPTER 3

Chapter 3

Sir Hugo Benfield stared out of the window of his office on the top floor of a large glass building in the City of London, overlooking the river Thames.?He was trying to shake off a dream that had woken him earlier that morning whereby he had been racing between three small shops in which each were displaying a rectangular tin box. He was clearly trying to decide which one to purchase. Two of them were identical, but the third he knew was somehow tainted, even though it looked exactly the same as the others. He did not know what was inside the tin boxes, nor why he was suspicious of one of them, but the feeling was emphatic.

?‘What on earth can it mean?’ he pondered, not normally a man to waste his time on such esoteric thoughts. On this occasion though, he felt that the subconscious imagery of the dream must have some direct implications to his waking life, despite the fact that the worlds of metaphor and symbolism were normally completely alien to him.

?Most of the decisions that generally weighed on his mind were of a binary rather than a tertiary nature, usually in the form of a yes or no decision. He was rarely confronted with three options, yet in this case as it would be easy to use an additional three-fold multiplier, based on the fact that there were also three shops to choose from which to purchase a tin box. Less, of course, if you completely ruled out the tainted box and the shop where it was being displayed. That was before working out how the decision was linked to some personal anxiety or other that the dream had potentially exposed.

?Miss Eccles, his new personal assistant, walked in with Sir Hugo’s morning coffee. If she noticed him staring vacantly out of the window, she did not comment immediately. The Director swivelled in his chair to sit facing his desk with his back to the window.

“Good morning, Sir Hugo. Is everything alright?” she enquired, leaning over to place the coffee mug in front of him and revealing a carefully rationed section of cleavage, just in case he had a mind to notice it.

?“Why shouldn’t everything be alright?” blustered Sir Hugo, clearly irritated by something.

?“No particular reason. You just have a bit of a gloomy air about you this morning. That’s all.”

“Gloomy air? What on earth are you talking about, woman?”

?“Your air, Sir Hugo”

?“There’s nothing wrong with my hair, what’s left of it, that is.”

?“Not your hair, your air.”

?“Damned if I can understand what you are getting at, Miss Eccles. By the way, are there any messages for me?”

?“No. Were you expecting one?”

?“Expecting what?”

?“A message.”

?“Why would I be expecting a message?”

?“No particular reason.”

“Are you alright this morning, Miss Eccles? You seem a bit odd and repetitive, if you don’t mind me observing.”

?“I’m fine, really, Sir Hugo. Just settling in, as it were.”

?“Settling in? It’s a workplace, not a lounge, you know.”

“Just settling into the new job.”

?“New job? Good God, woman, you’ve been here for over a week. Should be getting the hang of things now.”

?“I am, Sir Hugo. It’s just that I wake up so exited every morning. I can’t believe I am so lucky to have this particular job.”

?“Well you won’t have it much longer if you carry on like that.”

?“Like what?”

“Like asking me if I am alright and repeating ‘no particular reason’ all the time. Talk like that could drive a chap nuts.”

“I am sorry, Sir Hugo. I was just trying to be attentive.”

?“Well, perhaps you could try being a bit less attentive. You see, I’ve got some things on my mind at the moment and I need some peace and quiet to think them through.”

?“I understand. I’ll leave you alone. Unless you get any messages.”

?“I am not expecting any.”

?“I know.”

?“Miss Eccles?”

?Yes, Sir Hugo?”

?“Please shut the door behind you. I am not to be disturbed.”

?“As you wish, Sir.”

?Sir Hugo wondered briefly if the dream had been about Miss Eccles. After all, he had interviewed three people who had applied to become his new personal assistant and chosen one. He was not sure if he had made the right choice. But he had definitely not eliminated any of the others on account of them being tainted in any way. They were just not quite as polished as Miss Eccles. Strangely, she had not displayed any sign of this morning’s inane ramblings at the interview, but that was probably to be expected. No. Whilst Miss Eccles was still finding her way around Sir Hugo’s enormous ego, a daunting and time consuming task, her appointment had definitely not caused him any particular anxiety. After all, he could always sack her and get a new one.

?The business of being the Senior Partner at Bailey and Benfield LLP caused him rather more stress. He has been careful to delegate all the hum-drum and utterly tedious day-to-day accountancy matters to his more junior partners, who he trusted to get on with the job, leaving him pretty well free to act as the organisation’s figurehead and chief corporate strategist. Clearly he was expected to set a trajectory for the firm that resulted in continual growth and obscene personal wealth accumulation for its Partners. For him, the easiest route to achieve this was through hostile acquisition and diversification, two areas of business that he excelled in, partly because all he had to do was set ideas in motion and then leave it to the corporate bankers and lawyers to deal with all the details.

?In terms of acquisitions, his track record was impeccable.?It had become fairly simple matter to pick out smaller or niche accountancy firms and convince them of the benefits of becoming part of the Bailey and Benfield family. There was always a good financial case to be made to the decision makers in a buy-out, for whom the temptation of a modest financial windfall was invariably irresistible.

?As for diversification. Sir Hugo had already bolted on a corporate finance team, a financial advisory business, and a legal advice team to the firm, just in case there was ever a downturn in the accountancy business, which was most unlikely unless there was a communist revolution in which case, naturally, he would move abroad or be shot against the wall. At the present time, he was working on an altogether more ground-breaking plan to acquire a manufacturing company based in Berlin. This was part of his geographical diversification plan, partly prompted by the looming threat of Brexit.

?As far as he could remember, none of the mergers and acquisitions he had overseen had ever involved three parties simultaneously.?There had never been three tin-boxes to choose from, though the feeling that some of the potential targets were somehow tainted, had informed his gut feelings and steered him clear of these, on occasion.

?Thinking about the latest project, Sir Hugo remembered that he had not heard from his emissary, Norman Smith, since his departure for Berlin earlier in the week to scrutinise the accounts of the German manufacturing company. Normally, he would expect a report upon return, but this was a rather unusual and partially secret mission. As such, Sir Hugo had expected at least a summary preview of findings as they happened. Instead Smith had maintained complete radio silence.

?He decided to contact Smith’s wife, Mrs G, to establish whether or not Smith had made contact with her since departing for Germany, and if he had happened to divulge any business updates when doing so. He was not inclined to contact his business colleague Gerhard Zahne at this formative and yet delicate stage of the proposed acquisition.

?“Miss Eccles. Get me Smith’s wife on the phone immediately,” he bellowed down the intercom at his beleaguered personal assistant. Shortly afterwards the phone rang, connecting him to Mrs G.

?“Good morning, Mrs G. This is Sir Hugo Benfield from Bailey and Benfield.”

?“I know. Your p.a. set up the call with me. You do not need to repeat everything.”

?“I’m not repeating everything,” replied Sir Hugo, testily.

?“You may not be. But Bailey and Benfield is. Miss Freckles has already told me who the call is from.”

?“Well, I just wanted to make sure you knew who was calling, so that there is no misunderstanding.”

?“Do you take me for an imbecile, Sir Hugo? You only need to say something once to me. I am quite quick to catch on.”

?“I am quite sure you are Mrs G. The point is that this is not a personal call. It is a business call, and therefore requires a little bit more verification of the participating parties.”

?“Are you now satisfied who the participating parties are? I would not want there to be any confusion. You can ask Miss Freckles to confirm who I am. After all, she rang my number in the first place.”

?“It is not Miss Freckles. It is Miss Eccles, she is my new personal assistant.”

?“It’s a good job we cleared that matter up then. Goodness knows what would have happened if we had accidentally verified Miss Freckles as a participating third party instead of Miss Eccles.”

?“Mrs G. I am rather busy this morning and do not have time to waste on such irrelevance.”

?“I thought you said that verification was required on a business call.”

?“Well I have changed my mind. So, the reason I called is to ask you if you have heard from your husband since he went to Germany. He has not once communicated with the company since his departure.”

?“I am sorry to hear that, Sir Hugo. The fact is, even with me, Norman is the most awful communicator when he is away. It is partly that he is utterly incompetent in the use of his mobile phone, which he seems to keep turned off most of the time. Secondly, he is normally extremely terse and congenitally lacking in any kind of factual clarity when you do get to talk to him. He will normally respond to a question such as ‘how are things going?’ with an equally obscure and unrevealing answer such as ‘as expected’ or ‘fine.’ Now, as a matter of fact, I have heard from him, which would tend to lead me to believe he has actually arrived in Germany though, of course, I cannot verify that beyond doubt. He could, after all, have been calling from the garden shed for all I know. Furthermore, his capacity for banal platitudes has excelled when responding to any enquiries I may have made about the success or otherwise of his business trip. Finally, whilst I expect him home this evening, even that is not entirely clear. You see, he is rather afraid that I might be mad at him for arriving back too late to make our dinner appointment with friends this evening. When he finds himself in such a compromising position, he tends to be vague and evasive so as not to have face my ire head on, as it were.”

?“I see, Mrs G. A most comprehensive synopsis of the general situation if I may say so, though I would never have guessed that Smith would be so cowardly in the face of marital aggression. Nonetheless, it has to be said I know very little about his domestic behaviour. He is one of those members of staff that tends to be rather unforthcoming about his private life.”?

?“I rather object to the term ‘marital aggression’, Sir Hugo. I simply require from my husband a degree of reliability in our diary arrangements which I do not consider at all unreasonable. As for Norman being ‘rather unforthcoming’ I can only say that this seems to me totally in character, and nothing to be concerned about.”

?“I am not concerned about that, Mrs G, and apologise if my use of language has offended you. ?However, may I request that, should you make contact with him again prior to his return, whenever that may be, that you tell him to call me immediately. I need to speak to him as a matter of some urgency.”

?“So do I, Sir Hugo. So do I. If, by chance, further communication is established I will, of course, inform him of your wishes.”

?“Thank you, Mrs G. That would be most kind of you.”

?“I do my best to please, Sir Hugo. Goodbye.”

?Naturally, Miss Eccles had listened to this unenlightening conversation on the extension phone at her modest desk in the small ante-room outside Sir Hugo’s office. Sitting at the even smaller desk opposite her was the Senior Partner’s Administrative Clerk, Maureen, who tended to bite her nails rather than file them.

?“Bloody cheek!” muttered the personal assistant as she gently replaced the receiver, rather hoping that Maureen would hear her. Unfortunately, there was no reaction. Maureen seemed to have drifted off into one of her regular fits of gazing vacantly into space.

?“It’s not as if anyone has the surname Freckles.” For some reason, this second utterance seemed to rouse the clerk from her reverie.

?“No one really mentions them these days, do they?” she said.

?“Ah. Maureen, you are back in the land of the living, I see. I was just wondering why Norman Smith’s wife referred to me as Miss Freckles. I am convinced she was just trying to wind Sir Hugo up.”

?“And I was just wondering why no one really mentions freckles these days. When I was a little girl, you were almost exclusively identified by the extent of your freckles, or lack of them. Personally, I was only modestly endowed, and then it was only after exposure to the sun. Yes, they used to m

be a much admired form of skin pigmentation, but it appears not to be the case now. No one even mentions them anymore. Perhaps they are not politically correct or something.”

?“What about verrucae? No one seems to bother about them much anymore, either,” said Miss Eccles, reluctant to be outdone on the subject of historic dermatological disfigurements.

?“Yes, those as well,” replied Maureen, “but they were always regarded more of a contagion than an attribute. Nonetheless, you could hardly mention swimming or bathing without someone telling you a story about verrucas, when I was younger.”

?“Indeed, that is so,” affirmed Miss Eccles, aware that as a newcomer to the office, it was still an obligation to be somewhat accommodating to the views of other staff members.

?“However, the point I was making was that, in my opinion, no one would mistake the name Eccles for the completely fictitious name Freckles. It is more than a coincidence.” ?

?“Were you listening in to Sir Hugo’s telephone conversation by any chance, Miss Eccles?”

?“Well, actually I was,” replied the personal assistant, suddenly wondering if she had just been exposed for a breach of protocol. “It was normal practice in my previous job, just in case there was anything you needed to know or do.”

?“I see. But also a great source of gossip as well, I should imagine?”

?“Certainly not, Maureen, that would be most unprofessional.”

?“What do you think of Sir Hugo? You know. First impressions and all that.”

?“I think he is a very esteemed businessman. Men of such position can be abrupt on occasion, but that is surely because their minds work in different ways to other more normal people.”

?“So you don’t think he is normal?”

?“He is normal for a high-flying businessman.”

?“But not normal as a human being?”

?“I did not exactly say that, Maureen, but now you mention it, he does seem to have some eccentricities. But don’t we all?”

?“Well I don’t,” said Maureen, biting the nail of her left index finger and spitting the residue into the waste basket.

?“Do you know Norman Smith at all, Maureen?”

?“I have met him a few times. Now, he is definitely a bit off the scale in terms of eccentricity. There are some stories I could tell you about him.”

?“Not salacious, I hope?”

?“Oh no. Nothing like that. He is just a bit of a character. Very nice though. I think his wife can be a bit of a dragon from time to time from what I have heard.”

?“That fits in with my first impressions.”

?“Miss Eccles?”

?“Yes Maureen.”

?“Do you think we are gossiping?”

?“I think we are establishing the characteristics of our colleagues, but we may be verging on the brink of gossip.”

?“That would be most unprofessional, wouldn’t it, Miss Eccles?”

?“Yes, it would indeed. How very observant of you.”

?Miss Eccles decided to keep her opinions to herself from now onwards. Maureen had drifted back into a daydream which was only broken when Sir Hugo unexpectedly stormed through the door.

?“What the hell is the matter with Smith and his wife?” he ranted, as if the two ladies in the ante-chamber were supposed to know what he was talking about. “Miss Eccles. Keep trying Smith’s mobile phone until it is answered. Tell him I need to speak to him urgently or he is fired. Do you hear? Fired!”

?“As you wish, Sir Hugo,” said Miss Eccles, submissively, hoping that failure in this task would not lead to her being fired as well.

?“And Maureen. Make yourself useful. Get me a bacon sandwich. I am ravenous.”

?With that, the Senior Partner of Bailey and Benfield retired back into his office, slamming the adjoining door.

?“You were right about him being abrupt on occasion, Miss Eccles,” said Maureen reaching for her coat from a hanger on the stand.

Miss Eccles did not hear her. She was listening to the irritating tone that a mobile phone emits when you dial its number and it is switched-off.

? ~~~~

?When Smith awoke next morning, the first thing he realised was that this was his last day in Berlin and he would have to pack his things to take to the Zahne-Seneker office so that, later on, Hermann could deliver him from there directly to the airport.

?For some reason, this realisation made him feel unaccountably anxious. He had to control the panic that it induced in him, caused mainly by a confusion as to where exactly he was and where he had left all his personal items. He thought his mobile phone was back in the drawer where he had replaced it after speaking to Mrs G, but upon inspection it was not there at all. Likewise, his watch was not on the bedside table, nor had it fallen on the floor next to it. To compound this state of disorganisation, Smith was not sure what he had left in the office the previous evening. Amongst his papers were his air ticket confirmation and his passport, neither of which seemed to be in the hotel room.

?Close inspection of the wardrobe and the area underneath the bed, revealed that only one of his shoes was present. He could not imagine where the other one had got to. Perhaps most disturbingly of all was the absence of his wallet, which was not in the jacket pocket where he usually kept it.

?To add to his anxiety, Smith discovered that he had overslept. It was already 8.40am and Hermann would be there to pick him up in the lobby in twenty minutes. He therefore somewhat rushed his ablutions and shaved poorly, leaving sections of stubble visible. He dressed quickly and tried to pack his case but could not find that either. It was clear that there would be not time for breakfast and nor could he check-out without his belongings which there was not time to search for. As a result of this, he decided that he would have to return to the hotel later to gather his things together.

?At the reception desk, he explained this to the desk clerk who informed him that, if he required access to his room after 11am he would have to pay in advance for another night. This he did, reluctantly, and probably unwisely, such was his state of anxiety. He was only wearing one shoe, which rendered the foot without one somewhat exposed and cold.

?Hermann was waiting in the usual place at dead on 9 o’clock. He looked even more unusual in his gleaming boots and large cap than he had done the previous morning. Smith took the opportunity to briefly examine his face, which was boyish to say the least. He appeared to possess no facial hair, such was the milky smoothness of his chin, and his lips were fulsome, if not slightly rouged. Hermann cast his eyes away the moment he realised that he was being examined and turned to lead Smith to the limousine, silently.

?From the backseat, Smith examined the chauffer’s long neck. It rose smoothly from the collar of his jacket and continued smoothly and without blemish to the dark hairline. It was not entirely clear, but quite possible that the hair was raked upwards into the cap, but the effect was not immediately noticeable, so perfectly had it been done.

?They drove past the Berliner Fernsehturm where Smith had so recently been interrogated and fled from the Stasi. Smith’s brain was so full of vivid and inexplicable images that he found it hard to decide where reality actually resided in his mind. At times like this, the best thing to do is to crack onwards and not dwell on anything that can undermine your clarity of thought in dealing with the present.

A thin rain was falling, making the streets look sombre and uninviting. A few late commuters were struggling to work under their umbrellas, sprayed repeatedly as the traffic drove past them. When they arrived, the factory looked even more imposing than it had done the morning before.

?A receptionist welcomed him and led him straight to Zahne’s office. Frau Karlsen was filing her nails as he entered, clearly without urgent work to attend to.

?“Herr Schmidt, how nice to see you,” she said, looking up. “Before you go in to see Herr Zahne, I wonder if I could have a few words with you. Don’t worry, the Director is still attending to his ablutions. It will be a few minutes before he is ready to receive you.”

?Smith was surprised at Frau Karlsen’s forwardness. On their previous encounters she had been most off-hand and seemingly unwilling to engage in any kind of intercourse.

?“Of course, Frau Karlsen,” he said.

“Even if you have not noticed this, your visit is of great importance to Herr Zahne. Whist I do not know all the details, I am aware that he has great plans for the Company and that he considers your approval of the accounts to be an integral foundation from which to launch what he has in mind.”

?“I see,” said Smith, neutrally. “But the importance or otherwise of my conclusions to Herr Zahen is not my concern. My duty is to be objective. The numbers will speak for themselves if they are given the transparency that they need to do so.”

?“Nonetheless, it is important that you have some context, is it not?”

?“Thank you for your concern, Frau Karlsen, but I think I have enough context already.”

?Frau Karlsen resumed filing her nails with unnecessary earnestness. “It might also be worth considering that Harr Zahne may have some information about your activities in Berlin that may not be terribly well received either at Bailey and Benfield, or at your family home in Surrey.”

“Are implying blackmail, by any chance?”

?“Certainly not. I am merely pointing this out to you objectively. Just as your behaviour may be open to interpretation, may not the numbers in Zahne-Seneker’s accounts also be? Besides, the way you jumped at the assumption that blackmail was involved, might indicate to some that such a proposition would not come as a great surprise to you. In which case, perhaps your conduct in Berlin has not been entirely creditable?”

?Frau Karlsen looked at Smith over the top rim of her reading glasses in a most sinister way, especially considering that she normally displayed a rather innocent disposition.

?“My reference to blackmail had nothing to do with a sense of impropriety on my part. It was more a conclusion based on the use of persuasive tactics that I have experienced on my career when it comes to the garnering of professional favours.”

?“But what would your wife think about your liaison with Arlene? Might the revelation of your relationship not spark a modicum of jealousy and disappointment on her part, perhaps?”

?“Nothing improper has occurred between me and Frau Arlene. She is merely my escort.”

?“I see. But, unfortunately, she has been photographed in some rather compromising positions together with you, the appropriateness of which may take some explaining, even to the most na?ve spouse.”

?“Mr Zahne procured Arlene, not me. I did not ask for an escort service.”

?“Do you have any proof of this assertion?”

?“Well. Not exactly.”

“Perhaps you met her in the hotel lobby, by chance? Perhaps she was hanging around waiting to pick up a client?”

?“ ‘Perhaps’ is an unsatisfactory adverb which is merely being used to cast doubt on my word. Please do not make assumptions when you do not know the facts.”

?“But you don’t know what facts I know and which ones I am ignorant of.”

?“Of course not. However, I am not sure to what degree we are dealing in ‘facts’ here. It seems we are dealing more with threats and insinuations. At any rate, thank you for showing me your colours. I am sure Herr Zahne will not be surprised at what you have said.”

?At that moment the door to Zahne’s office opened and the Director emerged looking somewhat wan.

?“Guten Morgen, Herr Schmidt,” he said, ushering the accountant into the inner sanctum of his office and indicating for him to sit on the sofa.

?“It was a jolly evening, was it not?” he said, smiling. “I trust that Arlene managed to escort you safely back to the hotel.”

?“She did indeed, Herr Zahne, but it was an eventful experience.”

?“I see. Maybe you can tell me about it later then. Firstly, I have something important to discuss with you.”

?Zahne was immaculately dressed in a newly creased suit and tie. His shoes were polished almost to excess. However, he looked somehow haggard, as if he had not slept well. Smith occupied himself hiding one foot behind the other so that his stockinged foot was as hidden as possible.

?“I will come straight to the point, Herr Schmidt. The approval of Zahne-Seneker’s accounts is a matter of some importance to me. Whist I would not dream of exerting any influence at all on your report, I think I should let you know that Sir Hugo has an equal interest in a constructive outcome to this analysis. Without divulging any sensitive information, the result may also have implications for the future of Bailey and Benfield Accountancy.”

?“Does not revealing such information to me, all be it vague and obscure, compromise all of us??If such is indeed the case, then I am no longer in a position to provide any objective analysis. I would have to declare a personal interest and stand down immediately. My recommendation would be for you to seek verification of the company’s financial position from an authorised independent third party.”

?“At this stage, Herr Schmidt, there is no need to worry. Whilst the outcome may have implications for both our companies, at the moment we are strictly in a client / contractor relationship, nothing more. No decisions have been made. The only point I was making is that more than you think may be hanging on the result of the report and I want you to bear this in mind before completing it. Perhaps it would be preferable, for example, for you to consider the possibility of presenting it in with a positive slant, to avoid any subsequent misunderstandings.”

?“In my professional capacity, there is no question of ‘slant’, Herr Zahne. The numbers will speak for themselves. I am merely the collator.”

?“Come, come, Herr Schmidt. Incidentally, you seem to have lost a shoe along the way. The cleaner found one in sun-room last night and handed it in. I hope you have not been partially hooved since leaving the office yesterday evening?”

?“No indeed, I just could not find it in my hotel room this morning.”

?“I see. So, the one found by the cleaner is not yours?”

?“It would seem not, Herr Zahne, unless someone planted it in the sunroom as a joke.”

?“We do not find jokes like that particularly funny in Germany, Herr Schmidt, so that would seem an unlikely hypothesis.”

?“My goodness, Herr Zahne, the quality of your spoken English has improved quite dramatically since my arrival, it seems.”

?“It is no doubt your influence, Herr Schmidt. You can learn a lot from listening to an expert.”

?“Anyway, as you can imagine, I still have a few ends to tie up before I am ready to compile the report and time is pressing. Incidentally, I wonder if it would be possible for Hermann to stop off at the hotel what he takes me to the airport. I have not had time to pack fully yet.”

?“I am not sure that will be possible, Herr Schmidt. You see, I think you will need to re-arrange your flight and stay another night. Sir Hugo promised that you would have a copy of the report ready for me to read before you return. It does not look as if we can meet that obligation before your scheduled flight this evening now, does it?”

?“It would be normal practice for Sir Hugo to sign off my report before sharing it with a prospective client. I had no intention of completing it for your review prior to returning to London and discussing it with him. Secondly, I have an important private appointment to attend in Reigate this evening. My wife will be extremely disappointed if I do not a least make every effort to attend this.”

?“I am very sorry for the personal inconvenience this may cause you, naturally. Nonetheless this is not a matter for discussion. It is a matter of contractual obligation. Furthermore, the issues of consulting with and obtaining Sir Hugo’s sign-off to your report does not require you to return to London. Whilst my company may be in need of some modernisation, we have already embraced the internet age. We have telephones, emails, scanners and video conferencing facilities here. There is no reason why you cannot discuss matters with Sir Hugo ‘virtually’. Naturally, you can call your family and friends to discuss your revised travel arrangements, but we may invoice Bailey and Benfield for these as additional expenses.”

?“Of course, I will need to contact Sir Hugo immediately before I continue. However, as far as the matter of discussing my report with him, in my opinion there could be serious potential cyber security risks in doing this electronically. We do not know how secure your server systems are, nor do we know that a member of your own company may not be spying in on the whole process.”

?“The Cold War is over, Herr Schmidt. We are no longer a nation of spies. Nonetheless, I agree with your proposal that we arrange for you to have a private phone call with Sir Hugo. I expect you will find him far more easy-going about perceived security concerns that you are. Herr Flick will make all the arrangements”

?Herr Zahne retained the bearing of a man somewhat out of sorts but seemed relieved to have made some progress with his intransigent interlocutor. Frau Karlsen entered the room at that moment carrying a glass on a silver tray, as if she had received a signal.

?“Your tonic, Herr Zahne”

?“Ah yes. I knew I had forgotten something.”

?In the office Smith had been sharing, Flick helped to obtain an outside line on the telephone and dialled the number that Zahne had given him before offering the receiver to Smith. He then left the room walking backwards obsequiously and finally shutting the doors in a gesture of complete withdrawal. Smith noticed that his missing shoe had been placed on the desk like a bowl of black porridge.

?“Benfield here, Who the devil is it? I am awaiting a call.”

?“Sir Hugo, it is me, Norman Smith. I just thought I ought to give you a call to let you know how things are progressing in Berlin.”

?“How very considerate of you, Smith. I thought you had done a runner.?Why on earth haven’t you called before?”

?“Well, there are a number of reasons, but the main ones are that I have been very busy and that I seem to have mislaid my mobile phone. Also, I am very concerned about security. I fully expect that this and any other call I make from Berlin will be tapped by spying ears.”

?“Are you feeling alright, Smith? We are not in the dark era of the iron curtain now. They are on our side these days, for goodness sake.”

?“No, I didn’t mean national security. I was rather referring to the subject of industrial espionage.”

?“What’s the matter with you, Smith? What do you think this is? A bloody spy film?”

?“No, sir. It’s just that I don’t completely trust our potential partners out here. There’s something suspicious about the way this company operates. I would not put it past them to listen in to our private conversations, if you take my meaning.”

?“Now listen, Smith. I do not pay you to be suspicious. I pay you to present the facts in numerical columns. Please do not get above your station. I have known Zahne for a number of years and I have far more experience of him than you do. It is my job to raise suspicions, not yours. Now, where are we with the report?”

?“I should be ready to start writing it by this afternoon. There are just a few final points I need to clarify, first.”

?“What the devil have you been doing since you got there, Smith, playing the fool? I expected it to be on my desk this morning.”

?“Ah yes. Well I have had to be rather diplomatic, as you suggested, and also accompany the senior management team on some social activities as well, so I could not work as late last night as I would have wished.”

?“What do you mean: ‘social activities’? What sort of ‘social activities?’

?“You know, dinner engagements and nude sun-bathing. That kind of thing.”

?“Smith. Have you taken leave of your senses? I haven’t sent you to Berlin to frolic around like a pervert. I will be examining your expenses with a fine toothcomb when you return. In the meantime, when can I expect to see the finished report?”

?“Listen, Sir Hugo. Please don’t get the wrong end of the stick. I am doing the best I can. However, Zahne and his sidekick, Herr Flick, seem to be deliberately withholding some information that I need, and also distracting me from the job using a number of rather obscure methods, including theatrical performances.”

?“Good grief, Smith! What are you babbling on about now? Theatrical performances? I expect you mean dancing girls or the like…”

?“No. It’s not like that at all. It is too complicated to explain now. However, the strangest thing of all is that they have put pressure on me to stay another night and to share my report with you by email rather than discuss it with you in person. I fear they are going to intercept the email and potentially make some changes that will put Zahne-Seneker’s financial position in a rather more glowing light than I may.”

?“Encryption, Smith. Encryption – Just bloody password-protect the document before you send it.”

?“I’m not sure I know how to do that, Sir Hugo.”

“Well you’ll just have to find out. I expect your version of the report in my email inbox by 6.00am tomorrow morning. After I have analysed it I will call Zahne to discuss. You and Herr Flick may wish to join that call.”

?“So you expect me to stay here until tomorrow?”

?“If that’s what it takes – yes I do.” ?

?“But what about Mrs G?”

?I have spoken to her already. I think you are already in her black books. Nonetheless, if I were you, I would call her pretty soon.”

?“Why did you speak to her?”

?“Because you didn’t make contact. I guessed you might have called her, but it seems that, even though you did, you did not leave her with any useful information at all.”

?“I was a bit distracted.”

?“Well stop being distracted and get on with the bloody job in hand!”

?Smith was not exactly exuberant as he bid farewell to the Senior Partner but accepted that the advice to call Mrs G was sound. There was no point in hiding from the fact that he would definitely not be home in time to visit the Greens, as it would only make her more irritated.

?“Darling,” he said as his wife picked up, “How are you today?”

?“I couldn’t be better, Norman dear. Having spent most of the morning talking to Sir Hugo about your uncommunicativeness and then to Julia Green about your unreliability, I am feeling absolutely on top of the world. Incidentally, I have cancelled our visit. Julia was most put out, so you can come back whenever you please.”

?“Ah yes. Well I am extremely sorry about the Greens. Unfortunately, both the client and Sir Hugo seem to be of the opinion that my presence here is required for longer than I had expected.”

?“Have you spoken to Sir Hugo recently, then? He seemed most irritated that you had not called him when I spoke to him. In fact, he rang me to ask if I had any news from you. Naturally I told him you have been quite vague and evasive about your activities in Berlin. I couldn’t really lie, could I?”

?“Yes. In fact, I have just put the phone down on Sir Hugo. He did not seem best pleased with me for some reason, but I am doing my best. It’s not an easy situation and I feel a bit like ‘the piggy in the middle.’

?“I thought I heard you snorting.”

?“Look. Whilst there may be humour to be found in most situations, I am struggling to find it in this one. I think there is something rather odd going on.”

?“Odder than usual, Norman?”

?“Much.”

?“What kind of ‘odd’ are you referring to?”

?“Sort of odd peculiar and odd sinister.”

?“That’s two types of odd. Sounds serious.”

?“To be honest, everything is a bit odd at the moment, not just two things.”

?“I hope you are not having a nervous breakdown or anything tiresome like that are you Norman?”

?“Oh no, dear. I suppose it’s nothing really.”

?“That means that it is something.

?“You would have made a good interrogator for the Stasi. I cannot fathom quite how you can conclude that nothing means something, other than as an interrogative trap.” ?

?“You are not going paranoid as well, are you, Norman?”

?“No, I went there once and didn’t like it.”

“Like Croydon?”

?“Yes, dear. Very much so.”

?“Norman?”

?“Joking aside, are you alright?”

?“Sort of.”

?“Sort of what?”

?“Sort of alright in a way.”

?“Which way?”

?“Well, talking to you helps. I seem to have been talking to deaf ears for the last couple of days.”

?“Pardon?”

?“What?”

?“It was just a joke. Saying pardon when you mentioned deaf ears.”

?“Very funny, dear.”

?“Yes it was rather droll wasn’t it? No, Norman, you need to perk up a bit and tell me a bit more about what is troubling you. Tell me about being piggy in the middle and the odd things going on.”

?“Well, it is a long story and I fear that this conversation may be being overheard.”

?“Oh dear. You are getting paranoid. Listen: Let’s assume we are not being overheard, shall we? If we are, let’s just say boohoo to anyone who may be listening. They must surely have fallen asleep with boredom by now, anyhow.”

?“Boo Hoo.”

?“That’s the spirit, Norman.”

?“The reason I am feeling like piggy in the middle is that I am acting as proxy between Sir Hugo and his proposed new business partner Gerhard Zahne, who owns Zahne-Seneker, mannequin firm I am reviewing the accounts of. That may sound like a normal part of my work, but the problem is that I have found some rather unusual holes on Zahne-Seneker’s figures, which don’t really add up. There are some bits missing and some entries that do not look right. The nub of it is that I am not comfortable to write a positive report, bearing in mind these reservations. Mr Zahne and his sidekick, Herr Flick are putting considerable pressure on me to do otherwise. I would consider some of their tactics tantamount to blackmail. On the other side, Sir Hugo clearly wants me to just recommend the accounts so he can get on with whatever business deal he has in mind. It is a question of professional probity, dear.”

?“I see. Well I think I understand. But how could they blackmail you?”

?“They seem to have set me up somehow, by exposing me to some ridiculous historic tableaux.”

?“What do you mean, historic tableaux?”

?“It’s hard to explain, but they seem to be able to convince an entire cast of actors to appear, as if they are enacting some previous period of German history, solely for my benefit.”

?“Now you really have lost me Norman. Even if this were the case, how could these tableaux expose you to blackmail? I do not see the connection. The truth is I am now getting quite concerned about you. I think you might be having hallucinations. Do you want me to come and rescue you? I could get a flight this afternoon.”

?“No thanks, dear. I am sure that would be a gross over-reaction.?I intend to work on the report for the rest of the day and submit it by email to Sir Hugo when it is finished. We can take it from there. Hopefully, I will be able to return tomorrow once the contract is completed.”

?“Contract?”

?“That’s what Zahne and Flick seem to think it is. Most unusual, in every sense.”

?“Look Norman. Whatever is happening out there, please try to keep calm and logical and don’t try any drugs or anything you might be offered. It sounds as though you have been hallucinating. Honestly, I let you go away for a couple of days and you fall to pieces.”

?“I am not quite in pieces yet, dearest, especially now you have helped to patch me up. I will take care and call you this evening to let you know how things are progressing.”

?“By the way, Norman, apart from all that, I am quite well and coping alone at home, in case you were worried.”

?“That is a great comfort to me Mrs G. Why don’t you have a bath?”

?“There is no answer to that, Norman.”

?“I don’t suppose there is. Goodbye for now…”

?After replacing the receiver, Norman Smith recovered his shoe from on top of the desk and returned it to the place it was designed to fit. He was now beyond anxiety and in a sort of hysterical state of intoxication brought about by a sense of confusion and indecision. He was so confused that he didn’t even know what to say to himself. In such a mood, thought of running away into the sunset beset him, as if this was the only vision of hope left to him. However, the thought of running away conjured up visions of bags and cases. He suddenly remembered that he had mislaid most of his more essential possessions, though admittedly now had at least two shoes to walk in.

?Of the missing possessions, his wallet and passport were the most important. Without these he was completely marooned.

?

?