Nonstop and 24/7 Status Games - Part 2

I wrote a piece on Status Games last week on Linkedin, and an excerpt from the piece is provided below -?

“A house may be large or small; as long as the neighboring houses are likewise small, it satisfies all social requirements for a residence. But let there arise next to the little house a palace and the little house shrinks to a hut. The little house now makes it clear that its inmate has no social position at all to maintain.” - Karl Marx, 1847

We are tribal animals, and hence, we look for groups, choose to belong to that group that resonates with us, and then play the games that are loved by the group. But we don’t want to be on the bottom rung, so we strive to get good at stuff, rise up the ladder, score brownie points, and feel valued and loved by the group.?

It’s automatic and constant. There is nothing wrong with this pursuit since it advances us as a society and as a species.?

Things go wrong when you play the game with the wrong intent.

In today's piece, I want to elaborate on this line and provide concrete solutions for our biological defect. You can read the previous piece before proceeding; if you don’t, that’s okay, too.

Wrong Intent refers to playing win-lose games, a.k.a. zero-sum games. Everyone gets relegated down on the list every time you score a brownie point. Every time you get validated, someone else goes down in rankings in your own head, feeding into your ego and self-esteem.

If becoming number 1 is your sole objective because it would get you recognition, then you might be tempted to bend the rules because much of your identity and survival depends on this goal. But if being number 1 was an outcome of processes and practices you implement, then it’s a byproduct without attachment and identity involved, which keeps you calm irrespective of the pole position.?

Wrong intent also leads to resorting to any means possible; hence, force, violence, rage, aggression, and manipulation could seep into your life and shape your identity and demeanor. You may feel righteous about your beliefs and entitlement, but they are expressed in ways that cost others a lot.?

How do you explain the umpteen student protests and hijackings of universities in the USA? How do you explain the regular vandalizing of shops and malls? How do you explain people bribing their way through officials to get things done in their favor?

These are expressions of status games being played in larger groups, where your alignment with the group is key to being looked upon as a key member of the group's functioning. The louder you are, the more aggression you bring to the table, and the more force you are willing to use without fear of consequences, the sooner you rise to the top of the group.?

Your psyche cares for it because we live in groups where social connections and people’s acceptance lead to a sense of self, pride, prestige, and happiness.?

In his book ‘Status Games,’ Will Storr explains that your brain has learned to read the social value in people’s appearance, behavior, voice, body language, and facial expressions. Your brain is extraordinarily attentive to these cues because it wants to know where others stand—and how you measure up against them.

This is why Status Games turn toxic and dangerous with severe consequences for society and you personally. Addiction to likes on Social Media is one such toxic outcome being experienced across age groups.?

The sad truth about this game of external validation is that it doesn’t stop, it’s unsustainable, and it's unfulfilling. Fear and insecurity never go away, as there is always some kind of inequality in society, which triggers your brain to go into comparison mode and devise schemes to rise up the ladder.?

And if you are harboring thoughts of communism, socialism, marxism, or any other system that will bring more equality than democracy - then you are misguided, as history has enough lessons about the inevitability of inequality irrespective of the leaders or systems running the country.?

What’s the Solution?

Instead of Status Games, where the outcome is external validation or pole position, you can focus on games that truly define your life and add purpose and happiness to it, for example -

• Connections that bring joy
• Your cherished values and principles
• Activities that bring contentment and vitality
• Sharpening your talents & pursuing your passions
• Habits, routines, and practices that make you productive?

This is true wealth, and the clarity on these leads to a life of purpose and fulfillment, stronger relationships, and a sense of community.?

Will these get you likes on Instagram?

Who cares?

If it brings you joy and happiness, what is more important than that??

When you focus on your cherished values and you consciously work on these daily, it becomes easier not to get sucked into the games society wants you to play. For e.g., I cherish my 7-8 hours of quality sleep from 8:30 pm - 4 a.m. because it has boosted my productivity and clarity of thought, allowing me to accomplish much more from 4 - 8 am compared to the rest of the day.

Hence, I have stuck to this protocol and guard it like a treasure chest. I no longer get invited to late-night parties or events because I will reply with one word: “NO.” My friends know and respect that; some have even started implementing that for themselves.

I want to build the muscle for writing well and communicating my ideas effectively. This passion makes me focus my time and energy on workshops for building these skills, interacting with brilliant minds in these fields, reading books on the subjects, and absorbing as much as possible to improve one day at a time.?

I am not focused on likes and engagement online as much as I am on getting better at the craft. I don’t know where these pursuits will take me in the future. But I didn’t even know ten years ago that I would be leading a team of Wealth Advisors in Dubai’s biggest bank. So why bother predicting a future that no one has an inkling about??

My work is important to me, but so are my sleep, my passions, my values, and my family—and hence, my identity and survival aren't 100% invested in me being numero uno at work.?

My success at work is purely a byproduct of my energy and vitality, which come from many other domains of interest and engagement I have built.

Will Storr explains that playing multiple games is also wise to avoid having too much of your identity and status wrapped up in a single game. He recommends constructing a hierarchy of the games you play so you know where to invest your time and effort.

What helps even more is playing win-win games. Can I get better at the craft and also encourage or assist others in taking baby steps in that direction? Can I inspire or influence others to keep moving in the direction of their dreams? Can I remove bottlenecks from their path forward?

I consciously have built this intent into my life. I have a daily reminder at 8 am: "Start your day by helping someone.” My daily journal has two questions along these lines -

“Who did you compliment?”

“Who did you help?”

When you play win-win games, win-lose games don't occupy your mind. When you think of many at the same time, thinking about you alone doesn't get all your time and attention.?

In addition, exuding warmth, compassion, and competence will inevitably make a positive impression on others without indulging in labor-intensive or manipulative efforts to rise the ladder.?

How can you do so? By believing in two things -

1. There is enough for the taking for all of us instead of thinking that opportunities or money is scarce.
2. Believing in yourself that good things will come to you if you just do the work that the best in the field would do if they were in your place??

Simon Sinek refers to this as an Infinite Mindset.?The world is filled with a Scarcity Mindset, which makes people hoard stuff, be stingy with compliments, not share their spoils with others, and hold on to their lucky breaks like their lives depend on them.

Do yourself a favor and avoid becoming one of those. Share, compliment, encourage, inspire, uplift, contribute, donate—do things that your limited resources allow to make the world a better place.

And never forget—it’s all a game at the end of the day. What has to happen will happen. Don’t fret about events; they are not in your control. Play your part and keep moving.

As Shakespeare once said, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.?They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts."