None of this is personal.

This essay is part of a weekly series posted on the Whole Collective Substack. Join us there for conversations with business leaders as we 'trojan horse the corporate world with profound hippie shit'.

None of this is personal.

I mean. Sometimes it is. The boy doesn’t like you back. You didn’t get the job. They don’t want to be your friend anymore…those are pretty personal things to take. What did I do wrong? There must be something wrong with me? Rejection always feels personal.

But as we venture down the path of profound hippie shit, among the many one-liners, we hear ‘rejection is protection’. Ok. Fine. It is. Maybe there’s some solace in that, in it I have certainly found some truth. But it still hurts. Rejection hurts. Period.

As the year is coming to a close, I’m in major business development mode - building a recruitment business focussing on mission driven companies, working with purpose led founders - the clarity that has poured in around what direction to take with this business is now crystal clear. I have a business plan. I have clarity over my value, what I can bring to the table and where there’s a need in the market. I know what I want, it’s now time to go after it like my hair is on fire. There’s a lot of outreach happening, to people I’ve known for years, and many I don’t. And the response is sometimes achingly slow - I’m witnessing the same tinge of rejection in my body, and I have to hammer home the point to myself, that it’s nothing personal.

I’m finding that across the board, emails, text, LinkedIn messages, phone calls… all the things… are just generally not being replied to as much, and if so, much delayed. And I am as guilty as the next person. Typing this now I realise there are things in my inbox from a month ago that need a response. I still have every intention of replying, I still think very highly of those people. But this overwhelm of L I F E is happening, and these things naturally slip. And then there’s the guilt for not replying, another add to overwhelm, one more thing to do. And HELL I know I’m not alone here.?

It’s an overwhelming time. Are you kidding me??

I don’t need to list off the insanity of what we’re all dealing with today, because you get it already. There is just so much happening, in 25 different inboxes, all the time, everywhere, all at once (WATCH THAT FILM ALREADY). Our bodies and nervous systems weren’t built for times like this. Our human capacity was not designed to hold and respond to all the information onslaught that this world continually throws at us.

Sometimes the text or the email or the whatever arrives at a time when someone has capacity and the ability to respond, but in a society of increasing overwhelm, where our capacity is already being stretched past it’s natural limit… a lot of times we don't.

It’s nothing personal.

So as I’m looking at this business plan, and strategising about what kind of work I want to be doing, I have to remember this whole thing is a game. Really and truly it is. Whether or not folks are going to reply to me, most of the time, has nothing to do with me. There are a couple of instances where it probably is personal, I’ll take those on the chin, but by and large, it’s not. I know the human on the other side of that message has probably got some stuff going on. And guess what, I’m not a priority. I tend to have an allergic reaction to other people thinking they should be my priority. Why should I expect it the other way round? Your urgency is not my emergency folks.

There’s a story which I was umming and ahhing about telling, but it feels relevant here. Maybe it’s helpful to someone. So I’ll take the risk.?

A few months ago, I had an email reply to one of these mass emails I send out, from a guy who is part of the business community I have been a part of for a few years. I didn’t know him intimately well, but we were friends in a professional capacity and I saw him at the monthly happy hour I co-host.

The email from him was a congrats about the launch event for Whole Collective. In addition was a business request for his company. I have 4 email inboxes, and that reply drifted to the back of the one that isn’t my regular. A couple of weeks later, a follow up from him ‘Just checking in.? Are we all good?’ A timely response from me this time, let’s catch up next week! And then, ‘Thanks for getting back to me. I thought you were upset with me for some reason.’

A week later we find out the news that he had passed away. We still don’t know the details surrounding his death, but the news shocked the community deeply.?

Here I am, a few months later, still thinking about the email I didn’t reply to.

Did he take my non-reply personally? By his response. Yes.?

Do I wish I had over-emphasised the point that it was nothing personal? Yes.

But on the other side of a screen, it is virtually impossible to know what another human is going through. Even in-person, that awareness can be very limited at times.?

In how many circumstances can we obsess about what someone else did or didn’t do, and was it because of us, were they ‘upset with us for some reason?’ That’s an impossible world to live in. If our mental capacity wasn’t stretched before, that’s a great way to go about it.?

So how do we live instead? In this impossible world, what are we striving for?

A utopian ideal where everyone has awareness and takes responsibility for their mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing would be pretty darn cool, but that feels like a distant dream for now.?

How can I keep my own sanity as I move through this all? It’s an ALL IN commitment on that very process. To find some sanity, and serenity. So I remember as often as I can, that it’s nothing personal. I keep showing up and sending emails and doing outreach, and trust that the next opportunity will arrive, because it always does.?

This is a game after all. We’re just playing in it one day at a time. So if I could stop taking it all so seriously, maybe it wouldn’t be so heavy.