Non-Zero Sum

I listened to my sons argue this morning as we motored our way through the weekday ritual to school. The oldest, Forbes, teased the youngest, Soren, by chanting, "Broken bear, broken bear." I have no idea and am not asking. In any event, the wee little one was quickly frustrated and began screaming; and it devolved into something resembling WWF. Oy! So instead of using the tried-and-true shtick, "Be quiet because I said so," a teaching opportunity to grow in the thick of things was embraced. I instructed, "The next time your brother bothers you, simply ignore it. Not providing a reaction will cause him to rethink his strategy."

Forbes felt he ought to put dad's words to the test; and let Soren have it again. To my surprise, Soren, an uppity 4-year-old, held his ground in silence. Moments later, the eldest ceased in frustration; and then we had a pleasant laugh. I love moments like this; private rewards of fatherhood.

After getting to the office today, the shuttle circus got me thinking about the workplace. Working relationship engagement, for many people, comprises a greater portion of their waking hours than time with friends, family or even significant others. Conflicts do and will continue to occur. Perpetual "High-Fives," as captured above, are just not realistic. There can be confrontation without character assassination; but it takes the emotional commitment and maturity of the entire team to work well.

While the solution I offered my children was simplistic and doesn't really get at the core reasons behind the teasing, it's nonetheless effective. It also works quite well dealing with an oaf in the office. This is not to say that it gets at underlying issues or addresses long-term behaviors. But when offences are leveled, take the high road. Have the heart-to-heart and company policy retraining after tempers have cooled and feelings soothed; and if necessary have Sally from Human Resources join the conversation.