Nobody Told Me I'd Need Therapy For the Come Up

"Nobody told me I was going to need therapy for the come-up," and I giggled because it resonated with my soul. A friend said this in response to their new-found levels of success.

It's true. Coming out of the trauma of poverty and its unique trappings requires you to become comfortable with different things and how you?show up.

I felt so vindicated and rewarded in having shared my discomfort just a few short years ago as life began to look like things I hadn't honestly imagined - just sometimes secretly shunned myself for even hoping because having that much _insert very typical middle-class goal_ wasn't realistic or would make me look greedy or worse - selfish.

Selfish - it's a word that had haunted me since middle school as it was frequently lauded at me when I was asking or hinting at desires for the kinds of things that felt just out of reach in a world where three jobs were the minimum keep the lights on and food on the table.

Admittedly, I was angry for a long time about the rotation of what I can only synthesize as a mixture of love, envy, and exhaustion. I love you so immensely that I'm willing to sacrifice every ounce of my life force to see you have better, and I'm simultaneously envious that no one gave me this kind of love, plus this level of giving isn't from overflow. It cost too much.

It cost too much. I had an explosive argument over an event that evoked the same feelings recently. I'd spent years working in environments that tore a hole so deep in my well of being that I wanted to jump in and drown in the tears it collected.

I drove home every day for weeks from places that embraced and upheld cultures that made me feel invisible, less than, and unworthy, not because I was terrible at my job. I've excelled through more hurdles than were mine. We need 6 proposals in 6 weeks plus a shortlist presentation with a smile. We are moving the office, rolling out software, and giving you several large assignments simultaneously as the new entry level hire in the middle of a snowstorm. No matter the order or absurdity I've always delivered. Up until 2am then back at it before 10a to quality review and hand carry the final proposal by 2p - driving more than an hour away to the client.

I could go for pages but, I think you get the point. While all these traps and holes were set for me I took every victory as an opportunity to build a home life that made me feel safer, bigger than anything that had ever happened to haunt me.

It cost more than sleepless nights and weight changes too. The lack of boundaries, the damaged relationships - the one with myself and others. I finally had enough and realized that if I was really going to have the mind to match the life I was building I would need therapy for the come up.

So, in case you weren't aware - you may need therapy as life shifts out of survival mode with trauma on speed dial into comfortability and accessibility. More simply, when buyer's remorse starts becoming survivor's guilt it may be time to have a seat on the couch while in pursuit of your seat at the table.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Uniqueka Walcott, CPSM is a sister, daughter, wife and proposal professional who loves to write and talk about the human side of careers. In April 2021, she launched a show entitled Career Conversations where she holds space to hear how we are all more than our job titles.

www.uniquekawalcott.com is where you can find interviews with people as far away as Australia and in as broadly different professions as data science and mortuary services.

Uniqueka is a proud graduate of Georgia State University - where she earned her B.A. in Journalism by way of Fort Valley State University and Georgia Perimeter College. Her favorite things include tea, nail polish, and purses.

She is available for freelance writing and public speaking opportunities that align with her values and expertise.