NLP Explained
I was asked to write about NLP and I did, researched it and wrote a 20,000 word e-book about it. Personally I am still not convinced, I prefer EQ methods, and I will soon publish my EQ handbook that I wrote a few months ago. This article gives you the basic explanation and esamples of NLP techniques. Enjoy.
Chapter 1. What is NLP
NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming was devised back in 1976 by two California based academicians; John Grinder a linguist and Richard Bandler a Mathematician. The name Neuro Linguistic Programming encompasses three basic cores; Neurology (the science of the nervous system), Language and Programming. These three cores make up how the mind and language when used in specific ways can change our body and behavior, a programming of our mind and body.
NLP is a multi-faceted science that delves into how we think, perceive and manage our behavior. It’s a strategic management tool of the brain, providing specific exercises to hone your skills. By studying NLP you gain every day tools for continuous mastery and maintenance.
NLP, at its very nucleus is about self-discovery, a sort of meditation meet Zen meet nirvana on steroids. Its aim is to increase your wisdom, your vision and of course your competence and desire for excellence.
Your perception of the world is your map, in NLP that means how you perceive the world is your world map, and each individual’s map is how they feel and behave. Based on this, a sparse map, or damaged map means that you are unrealistic or restricting your ability to advance. Just like any explorer, you can increase your maps accuracy, and populate it properly, this will ensure you success in how you continue to traverse life using your map. You will also be able to place your map within the global map, the tapestry of seven billion maps that populate the world and through correct use and understanding navigate your way harmoniously.
NLP is how to evolve mentally, emotionally and physically.
1.1 A comparison of other techniques
There are many so called self-help and awareness techniques flying around in the internet. Most of them are gibberish, and are only scams to get your money. A few are useful as add-ons to NLP and should be considered after learning the NLP basics.
Let’s look at a few examples:
1.1.1 Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
EQ is another technique that evolved after NLP, it concentrates on emotional control and how you learn to control and manage your emotions and others. It’s a proven technique used by law enforcement and organizations that need to teach body-language and facial signs to their operatives. Since it is a specific targeted technique, aimed at emotional control, it acts as a useful add-on and should be studied after learning the basics of NLP.
1.1.2 Structured Life
Many articles are available on how you must structure your life like a project. Basically, they are trying to teach you project management for every-day life, they do not teach you to improve yourself, they only teach you how to be organized, time management and schedule organization, whilst leaving your self-awareness and mental capabilities to rot.
1.1.3 Yoga & Meditation (Eastern Philosophy)
NLP is a westernized scientific version of the eastern meditation philosophy. Where Yogi’s practiced and taught you how to listen to your body and mind through various physical and mental techniques. Rather than right down technical books on ho-to meditate they would teach you how to actually do it in person. days weeks, months and even years were utilized to practice and become adept in many forms of yoga and meditation. Meditation is not just sitting, it is a whole mind set of exercises, some performed whist sitting, others performed whilst working. The types of meditation include;
- Zen or seated meditation which is aimed at relaxing your mind through clearing it of thought.
- Vipassana meditation is about breathing techniques, centered around concentrating on your breathing.
- Mindfulness meditation is aimed at thinking about present states in your life without any emotion or judgement attached to the thoughts.
- Metta meditation is a sitting meditation aimed at thoughts of love and forgiveness.
- Mantra meditation is a Hindu meditation aimed at repeating a unique sound or set of sounds to induce a trance like state of awareness.
- Transcendental meditation is similar to mantra meditation but in this instance, it uses a personalized mantra and not a unique one.
- Yoga this is a meditation style using different stances of the body (postures) as well as mantras and breathing exercises. There are a number of Yoga schools to pick from.
The similarity between NLP and meditation/yoga is striking, in fact NLP can be considered to be a modernized adaption of eastern meditation, fine tuning the generic use of meditation and mind exercises into a specific task, sort of like a sub-specialty in surgery. Where meditation could be considered general surgery, NLP is the neuro-surgical aspect of it.
1.1.4 Healthy Living Style/Diets and Nutrition
There are a number of different approaches to healthy living, first of all let’s cancel out all the diets, they all work and are all useless. They only improve momentarily your self-image from an egotistical point of view. They do not actually improve health or life, since a diet by itself is not good. Eating correctly, balancing diet with exercise it a good way to build a healthy lifestyle, but these are only for physical wellbeing. Sports releases endorphins into the brain, these make you feel happy, so it’s like a drug, a chemically induced happiness. It is not self-improvement. So, you might live a healthier sport-addicted life, but you will not improve your metal capabilities nor will you improve your social skills.
Only by mixing a balanced lifestyle with NLP, can you reach optimum results in both. NLP itself promotes healthy lifestyle, but it also gives you the tools to understand what a healthy lifestyle really is.
1.1.5 Psychobabble
There are literally hundreds of quack remedies on the internet. So-called professional psychoanalysis with fake degrees trying to sell you corrupt life changing systems that all they are interested in doing is persuading you to part with your hard-earned money. You also find many so-called gurus with amazing meditation and yoga style systems, spouting one phrase slogans that are always stolen from another site or taken from some book of slogans you can find online. There is no originality, no depth of research and no years of experimentation and experience resulting in a proven system or model.
Whilst learning how to develop NLP it is wise to understand what emotions are. Let’s take a look at the eight basic emotions in more detail and how to master them, whilst there are many more emotions or levels of emotion, such as mentioned in Robert Plutchik’s wheel of emotions, I take only the core emotions here:
Fear: this is an evolutionary emotion triggered for survival instinct.
Fear comes into play when we need to protect ourselves or others from attack or pain or any form of unknown. The opposite of fear is Hope: this emotion drives us to believe that there is a better outcome.
Anger: this is a survival emotion triggered to either attack or defend. It is triggered by a perception of being attacked or receiving something we don’t . The opposite of anger is Gratitude: this emotion is a result of receiving something good and pleasant.
Love: this is an evolutionary emotion designed to create offspring. This emotion developed to create a need for pro-creation as well as need for some physical wellbeing, such as food or money. The negative of love is Hate: this is a survival emotion triggered to defend against something we dislike or caused us pain.
Joy (Happiness): this is a developmental expression emotion when we gain something. It negative emotions is; Sorrow: this is a developmental expression emotion when we lose something.
There are more emotions, and there are whole academic curricula dealing with them, but for now we will concentrate on these eight emotions and how to control and manipulate them.
Emotions can be mixed and played with, such as love with sorrow, that is how poetry is written, or anger with hope, that is what fuels revenge. Whilst I mentioned that there are no negative emotions, there are in fact negative uses of emotions. Anger can be positive and negative, it can be positive if fueled when being attacked, replacing fear with anger will build up defensive strength, at the same time love with sorrow can be combined to make a negative experience, when visiting a grave site or watching a loved one suffer. By experimenting with your emotions using associative memories, triggered by music, or movies or even smells, you can learn to appreciate and gauge each mixture of emotions.
Remember, there are no real negative emotions, there are only negative applications or dominance of emotions on your actions. Fear is your hardest emotion to control, it is your worst enemy, whilst it is important to have it since it is a survival based emotion, it must not be allowed to dictate your other emotions. An instance when fear is useful is when you are standing on the edge of a cliff, without fear you would take an unnecessary risk that could lead to your death. So, in this instance fear is a positive emotion. Anger is also an emotional response based on how you accept information, you must be able to control your anger completely. Once you have taken the necessary steps to control these two emotions, the others will come into line. Another important issue is over-excitement of an emotion, such as happiness or awe. If you become excessively happy you can become hysterical and if you become excessively awe-struck you become a moron. All your emotions must be in check in order for you to truly appreciate every-one.
Remember two important facts: First, everyone was born as a baby, and was a child and grew up…this means that they are as human as you are. You don’t need to be in awe or to hesitate as much as you don’t need to be snobby or look patronizing. NLP is about understanding that everyone is different but must be treated equally. Second, some people are born with natural high NLP skills (the same as those with high IQ’s), they are natural chameleons since they subconsciously adapt themselves to every situation, sometimes it’s how they speak, others by how the stand, but all of them do the same thing, they control the way others perceive them.
Perception of self and how others perceive us are to different things, how we perceive ourselves is how self-conscious we are of our actions. How others perceive us is how we transit and project ourselves to them.
Let's discuss the human body and how we perceive it.
Form: One of the most important factors of NLP is how you see the person for the first time. You just walked into a room, you look around, what do you see? This happens with everyone, and the people you see present to you an image that you collect into your mind in 3 seconds, this is your first image that colors the way you think of that person even before they come into your sphere.
Form is made up of three parts; Clothes, stance and face.
Clothes are an important way on how you initially perceive a person, but at the same time their stance is just as important. If you see a person wearing an expensive suit but standing like he just woke up, you would think of him differently than you would a person wearing plain casuals but standing with authority. At the same time, you would look at his or her face, and see their hair, eyes, mouth and the way they look and express themselves. It’s also important to dress for the occasion, but sometimes it’s good to shock, although that’s usually done by Hollywood stars, you can do it too. Clothes don’t make the man, so the saying goes, but in reality, they do. That first 3 second glance that we all do ascertains and sets how we perceive the subjects of our glance. That is why certain dress codes are perceived as being more confident, pleasing casual, sloppy etc. Ever since the IT revolution, clothes and rich people have changed, clothes and professionals have changed too. What was once considered to be sloppy or casual, a pair of jeans and a tee shirt are now considered to be standard dress code for large sectors of industry. However, that doesn’t change the way we consider people wearing them or wearing a suit.
Stance: How do you stand? Or sit? how does anyone stand or sit? The way you compose yourself shows us how you think about yourself and how you consider your environment and others. When a nervous person stands, he is not straight, he is either like a flagpole, with his head moving around scanning all the time, like a meerkat. A sad person usually stoops, head down set inside a mire of misery. A happy person is as obvious, their smile and body move as if in a dance. Focused people walk with determination, whilst dreamers tend to wander around. Stance, or standing body language is important to discern the persons general confidence and awareness levels. A standing person still moves, arms, head and legs, all move (unless you are statue) and watching these movements conveys more about the person then they realize.
Facial Expressions; this is probably the hardest of all to learn. Faces give away more information than expected, however it takes a true professional to truly master the art of facial expressions. Since many of them are micro expressions and are extremely hard to notice.
For Example: Poker face is the most common expression of a person that controls their facial expressions, however a poker face is not an ideal way of managing others, it merely tries to stop someone from reading your emotions. If you truly want to control others actions you should use false facial expressions to convey false messages, thereby confusing the others.
This initial glance is very important and most police and secret service are trained in the art of discerning unusual combinations that would point out a person as being false or true. Facial expression interpretation is usually for the professionals since there are many micro-expressions that escape the common eye. There are general expressions though, that can be studied such as the smile, a true smile is not just around the lips, it’s also around the eyes, if a person smiles but their eyes stay the same it means they are not truly happy. Studying facial expressions is very important in interviews and interrogations. This leads us to the next stage; body language.
Body Language is a world known expression, but what does it really mean?
Body language is made up of body movement, how do you move when you walk, when you talk? Every movement you make tells us more about you and how you feel then you realize. By learning to perceive body movements you will understand how and what people are feeling. In some rare instances, you can even project what the person will next do based on their body movements.
A nervous person will have a twitch or look about constantly as if seeking out a source of aggression that is expected to come, a sad or weary person will have a stoop, an overactive or hyped person will be constantly moving. Airport border control are trained to look at arriving passengers to discern if their body language and clothes match. For instance, a migrant worker might wear a suit and tie with the hopes it makes him look respectable, border control is trained to discern or look through this disguise, and together with other details such as credit card possession and hotel bookings, ascertain if the person is a tourist of an illegal worker seeking access to the country.
Body language is a science all unto itself. There are many books, articles and courses that will teach you to recognize different body expressions, a quick glance and a follow through will enable you to discern the emotional state of your target subject.
Speech; when someone talks you can usually discern what their emotional state is, as well as how knowledgeable they are and how they view life. The tone amd the language, the context and how they deliver it, how their face moves and what body language occurs at the same time. Try to talk to everyone equally, from a pauper to a floor sweeper, from a shop assistant to a bank manager, from a student to principal and from an office clerk to a prime minister. Watch how they talk, notice the differences and remember them.
NLP is about balance, balance in speech is about two things, choosing your language to suit the situation and speaking in a way that is expected (or not, if you intend to confuse or surprise).
For instance, when talking to a blue-collar worker in a coal mine you should use different speech patterns and language content then when you speak to a Mathematician. Whilst both might drink and swear, or both might like poetry their environments are different and this is impacted in their language.
The first step in developing your emotional intelligence is understanding what it is. Once you grasp the basic understanding of emotions and body language you are on the first step of the journey.
The old achievement methods included SMART (Experimental method versus Modern method)
SMART stands for Specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, timely. It is a method for goal setting.
- Specific: specifically, state what your goals are, the more you specific the goals the simpler it is to reach it. Being specific means asking, “I want to gain ten kilos of muscle in six months” which is better than saying “I want to body build”.
- Measurable: all goals must be measurable, this ensures that you can pace and check milestones. With a measured goal, you have a built-in achievement meter.
- Achievable: All goals must be anchored in reality. Don’t set unattainable goals. You can set hard goals requiring much effort, planning and resources, but they should ultimately be achievable.
- Realistic: It is important that whilst you will counter hardships and struggle along the way that you don’t damage your life or the lives of others. So always make your goals realistic with no collateral damage.
- Timely: Always set your goals in a way that they interact and mix well with all your other life tasks. Don’t set a goal that will override all other tasks, life is about living and living is a mixture of many things You can set priorities, but always make sure your priorities overlap and are cohesive.
NLP takes SMART to a whole new level, and in fact SMART is incorporated in every aspect of NLP. All NLP techniques include specific goals, by choosing specific memories to work with. These goals are measurable, since the process used by NLP to reach the can be quantified once the target has been specified. All NLP targets are achievable so long as they are realistic. Unrealistic desires, like in any project or idea will not be achievable. All NLP techniques are timely, they require each individual to perform them in a few minutes or most a few hours depending on the technique used. So, SMART is incorporated or let’s say has been evolved and integrated into NLP.
To conclude this chapter, NLP is a proven method based on years of academic research, it is accredited, standardized and has a global presence. It is constantly evolving as does the science of neurology, linguistics, and programming, so too does NLP evolve. We are constantly seeing new concepts emerging from new researched data being incorporated into the NLP code. The basic core of NLP is unchangeable, the base concepts that make NLP what it is are constant. Once you learn these base elements, you will be able to adapt all the techniques and incorporate other activities (Sport, nutrition, EQ, time management etc.) that by themselves do not address the whole issue, but when incorporated into the NLP code provide the ultimate way for improving your life completely.
Chapter 2. The three components of NLP
2.1 Neuro
This refers to your five senses, your central nervous system and how you collate and process all the various information. These five senses include:
Sight, sound touch, taste and smell. These are termed sub modalities.
Through these senses you can perceive the world, you perceive the environment through your senses.Neuro is a physical attribute and as such is how we show the world whom we are through body language and facial expressions.
Neurology as a science is still developing, physicians and scientists are constantly researching the brain and nervous system. The concept that we only use 10% is not entirely valid, what scientists are beginning to realize is that the brain is managing billions of biological functions all the time, the body is constantly changing and the central nervous system (CNS) is constantly sending information to the brain which sends out instructions to the body and to your consciousness. For instance, you are hungry, this is based on your eating habits, what you have done recently and what situation you are in. You could have just finished a workout at the gym, and you see an advert for a big salad or a protein shake. Or maybe its lunchtime and you just walked by a steak house with pictures of big juicy stakes and the smell of cooked beef. Or perhaps you are standing in a parade, you cannot leave it and your last meal was four hours earlier, your body is tired, you need to eat something without having an external trigger. Your mind process information from your environment and creates sensations based on the sensory input. It suggests based on triggers or actions.
NLP can teach you to manage these triggers, associate them in other ways and even change triggers. It is a way to manage your neurological process’ through correct training.
2.2 Language
Language is how we name objects and abstract thoughts. Through language we can interface with others of our kind. Language is a social tool developed as a way to increase our ability to pass on and receive information.
Our minds translate language based information received through the five senses, our eyes see pictures which we translate into words and our ears hear words which we collate and process. Our mouths speak out these words. (Blind people use touch – braille).
Language is also physical, not just spoken, it is how our body and face project feelings and thoughts together with how we speak.
Another aspect of language is how we interpret our sensory input, the neurological perceptions from our senses are translated in our minds based on childhood upbringing, which sets how we “talk” to ourselves. For instance, some people interpret temperature in different ways. Their ability to deal with cold and heat is both genetic as well as environmental. A person that grew up in a sub-tropical or tropical climate will not handle the weather of a Scandinavian country, and vice versa. So, there are different languages within our bodies that are based upon whom we are and where we are from as well as how we grew up.
Our subconscious is constantly talking, whilst we can feel and understand what we say consciously only through NLP training can we change what we say in our subconscious. When discussing the subconscious, we mean programming the way our subconscious translates actions from the past and present. That way we can ensure that they will translate the way we want in the future.
2.3 Programming
Programming refers to the way we process all our information, programming is basically our Intelligence (IQ) and our emotions (Emotional Intelligence), for it is our emotions that translate perceptions into actualities. Our intelligence is how fast we process the information, we can have a logical mind or an artistic one, and our childhood is where we build our emotional state of being that will carry us on into life.
Programming the mind to react differently from how we usually act is not as complicated as you might expect. For instance, cutting our finger on paper, some might say ouch, others might swear and others might remain silent. Through NLP training you can adjust your reaction to a paper cut from ouch to silence, or to searing, whichever makes you feel better.
These three cores make up the nucleus of NLP, and when you fully comprehend how each of these cores or elements work together you are already on your way to evolving. As you study each technique and it is important that you do study each and every technique you will find certain techniques work better than others. That’s fine, you can concentrate on the stronger techniques to fine tune your abilities and continue to practice the weaker one in order to strengthen them.
It is wise to also consider EQ techniques as well for they go hand in hand with NLP, however, as you concentrate on mastering the techniques you will have to start incorporating them into daily life and not just use NLP as a mental game. Although if you do it will seep through into your life in any event, but much slower.
Just like a yogi teaching you how to meditate in order to better understand your body and develop mind control skills or a karate teacher teaching you “kata’s” to develop immediate physical reactions to certain situations, NLP also has certain procedures and tests to advance your abilities.
States
A state in NLP is how you feel at any moment in time. This means that every moment in your life is a state. Some states are remembered due to excessive emotional responses to the situation you are in. A memory is in effect a picture or video of a series of states, for example:
It’s your birthday, you are in a state of excitement, every moment that passes till your appointed birthday party time is a heightened state of excitement. This increase until you reach the party, then your state is full of emotions which are remembered vividly. Most people cannot remember mundane states, we rely on our emotions to act as a memory primer, so the more powerful an emotion during the state will make memories more or less visible.
NLP requires us to recognize every memory instance as a state, once this is understood then you can look at a set of instances in a memory as a set of states. Each state is then usable in any NLP technique, and specific states can be changed accordingly. This means that one memory might hold twenty states, and you might want or need to change only one of those states in order to affect the rest of the memory. Recognizing the correct state to change is easier than trying to change the whole set of states in one memory, unless the memory is one state. So recognizing states is an important factor in NLP and you must be able to reduce your memories into sets of states, where each instance of emotion is frozen with an action that generated it, thereby creating a state.
Chapter 3. NLP Models
Applying NLP on a daily basis
Imagine you are preparing for a meeting, any meeting. You are nervous.
1. Why are you nervous?
2. Do you know what the meeting is about?
3. Are you familiar with your role in the meeting?
4. Do you know the subject material well?
If you answer yes to these questions, then go back to the first one and ask it again.
1. Why are you nervous? Because you are afraid of the unknown.
2. What is unknown? If the meeting is about a business proposal, or a job interview or a public address or anything that has to do with reaching a result, then you are nervous about the result.
3. What will happen in each result scenario? Take a ruler, imagine it in your mind, now put on one end the negative result or outcome of the meeting and on the other side of the ruler a positive result or outcome. Now imagine what will you do after each result is reached.
4. Are you still nervous? You should be less nervous, because you have now negated the unknown. Once you have a predictable outcome, no matter the outcome, you can plan accordingly.
5. Now look at the negative outcome, why did it occur? What made the outcome negative? Was it how you presented yourself, Was it the type of people in the meeting? Was it an outside influence? Consider all the alternatives that can lead to a negative outcome, picture each one.
6. Now start to use the various NLP techniques for combatting each situation. You might need different techniques for different situations.
3.1 Meta Model
The Technique
The meta-model was NLP’s first model, created back in 1975. It used around 13 verbal patterns to generate therapeutic change. After 30 years the meta-model gas evolved through research, observation and usage. It now has around 22 expressions used to manipulate the mind.
The meta-model is the way we navigate our world map. The map is not the world, it is our perceptions of the world and our actions that make the map. Most of us have what we call Meta Model violations, these are obstacles in traversing life at an easier pace. NLP was devised to remove those obstacles so we can travel freely and with ease. NLP will not complete our map, nor will it give us nirvana, NLP and the meta-model will enable us to make our lifetime easier and more enjoyable to live.
What was originally conceived by the NLP founders was the fact that we all live with a self-recognized and populated world map of misplaced conceptions and feelings. As we grow up, we each populate our map with how we react to the world around us, using our senses, our mind translates these sensory inputs in different ways. There are some generic concepts that we all have, but within the constraints of these generic headings, each individual places different notions, different emotions and stores different memories and parts of memories in a unique way.
Whilst everyone has certain abilities to delete information, distort input or generalize situations, some generalizations are wrong or bad. For instance, in a crowd you can delete the white noise or reduce it in order to hear a conversation, this is good. Distortion allows us to imagine, we distort our reality and create new ones. Generalization is a lazy process where we create rules that are miss-representative, negative and destructive, like “all ISIS are Arabs”, which is bad, all ISIS are Muslims, and most Arabs are Muslim, but not all Muslims are of Arabic birth. The path to personal enlightenment starts at understanding that we are wrong, that we have issues to deal with, that our life map needs re-writing. Most of the population don’t reach this stage, they cling onto their life maps, their misconceptions, their fears, and rather than change how they translate, associate, calculate and evaluate their conceptions, they dig into their old life views and become even more chaste.
The enlightened individual realizes that the only way to change his/her life is to change how they view life, how they think life, how they feel life. The Meta-model helps us deal with these changes, deletions, distortions and generalizations in a way that improves our internal communications and perceptions, leading us to change how we communicate outwardly and that leads us to better results and finally a better life.
3.2. Milton Model
The technique:
The Milton model uses language patterns to create a hypnotic suggestive state. It’s a way to reach our hidden resources through inducing and maintain a trance state. It uses three aspects to reach this state, they are Rapport; is an empathic tool used to create a closer bond between the user and the receiver. Rapport is like a dance of words between two people, where one will lead and the other follow. The second aspect is Overloading conscious attention, this means using ambiguous language to make the receiver try to work out what is being said, and prepares the unconscious mind to overtake the conscious mind. This leads us to the third aspect which is Indirect communication. This uses even more vague language with metaphors to enable the user access to the receiver’s unconscious mind. (Presupposition uses language as its core, and a chapter is dedicated to discussing this issue.)
Every sentence, every word you utter, every text you read or write is structured. The Milton model shows you how the structure works and with this resource, through training, teach you how to use correct word structure to build up an effective message.
These structures include:
- Simple deletions – a sentence that omits an exact situation, for instance; get me that report. In context, you know what is being asked, but you might think it means immediately. Your mind fills in the missing operator. Simple deletions can be instinctive, used on a daily subconscious basis or can be deliberate, used to direct, mislead or confuse the target. When you are in a discussion, try to use simple deletions, politicians, lawyers and salespeople are masters in this art, knowing that you will instinctively insert the missing data from your perception of what is being discussed.
- Ly adverbs – are used to make you think you heard or understood an action or meaning, but in fact are meant to mislead you to understand a situation. For instance, she quickly left the building. How was it quickly? What did she do to make it faster than normal? Or He silently moved the object. How silently, why silently? Does he have to be noisy when moving it? Or was it being done in a situation that required silence? This too is used a lot by salespeople as well as by authors, when trying to convey a certain feeling or action, the ly adverb is used a lot, usually going unquestioned, and accepted as stated. Try to think of ly adverbs to be used in your conversation, see how they are accepted without question.
- Cause effects – are sentences with a cause for an effect. For instance, Venture capital needs a lot of money, or, you need a bus to get to work quickly. These sentences basically state a fact that is based on an unproven source. This is a standard selling technique used daily by just about everyone, it’s a way to attain what you want by creating an effect that is cause based. These can be seen in news and documentaries, where causes and effects are made extreme to pull the viewer into watching the whole story unfold. In some instances, they lead to an exaggerated explanation why the cause led or will lead to the effect.
- Complex equivalents – these are sentences made up of a generalization leading to a belief. For instance, I drank my coffee so now I am awake, or, you need a thick skin to be a politician. These sentences require you to believe in an outcome based on one factor only. This is a classic marketing tool to create myth beliefs (yes, Myth). For instance, coca cola has cocaine in it, that’s why it’s so addictive, a myth based on a marketing lie. Or perhaps “dumb blonde”, the color of the hair has no effect on intelligence and is a Hollywood created myth from the 1950’s due to Marilyn Monroe. Modern marketing techniques use complex equivalents to create mythical beliefs in certain products or ideas, such as Microsoft vs. Apple , where the price of Microsoft DOS enabled them to reach more customers through cheaper compatible computers than the expensive Apple, but what is forgotten is that Apple created the first GUI and in fact Microsoft Windows is a copy of the Apple system which is actually better in memory management, but now Microsoft Windows is a global denomination that moved Apple into the mobile industry and out of the PC OS.
- Lost performatives – are representation of personal beliefs as universal facts or truths. Such as walking under a ladder is unlucky or drink here liters of water a day to stay healthy or that’s life. Most modern-day superstitions are based on ancient or medieval beliefs based on actual possible outcomes. For instance, the broken mirror brings seven years bad luck superstition is based on a Roman belief, since mirrors were so expensive back them, breaking one was considered bad luck due to the cost of replacing it. The seven years comes from the Roman belief that seven years is the time it takes for the soul to renew itself. A mirror reflects the persons image, his soul, and Romans believed that if you were ill your image would crack the mirror. Hence, seven years are needed for the soul re replenish itself if a mirror of your image (your soul) was broken. Using superstition via lost performatives, and creating new ones is actually used on a daily basis by many companies to either scare you from using a competitor or by using their product. Too much sugar, too much salt, wash with special soap, use only natural medicine, don’t eat meat, etc.
- Mind reading – is a way to present what you think the person is thinking without actually knowing. For instance; you’re hot and tired now, or, my employer doesn’t like me. You don’t know if the other person is tired and hot, they might look it, but they might not feel it and you definitely don’t know what your boss feels about you unless he actually told you that he doesn’t like you. In fact, most of us ruminate about a situation, going over it in our minds over and over again, each time adding another layer of un-based doubt or excitement, finally “day dreaming” ourselves into a position that generates strong emotions. Try not to over think a situation, try to learn more of the other person before you draw a conclusion.
- Modal operators – are statements of operational fact, but in reality, are they. For instance: I must clean up now. I must dash off now. Why must you clean up now? What will happen if you wait till after your guest goes? Why do you have to dash, will you be late? If you are late, what will happen? We use these modal operators on a daily basis, sometimes to create situations where we pressure ourselves and other time to pressure or persuade others. It is a useful tool in directing and leading others, but must be used wisely to get the best results.
- Nominalizations – is when we turn verbs into nouns. Such as my decision is final or he has a lot of stress in his work. Why is your decision final? What are you deciding about? What job does he have, why is it so stressful? Using nominalizations is a way to exaggerate a situation or feeling. It is usually used to complete a position or state and to convey a finality.
- Presuppositions – This is a power model, a use of language that seems to give you control over a situation and possible outcome. For instance: you’re tired now, we can go to bed now or in an hour. (mind reading) followed by a choice, but the choice leads to your outcome. Or, you may notice a small red button; (there is a button, you just need to find it.) or Would you be so kind to take the cat out when you go-to the supermarket. This presupposes that you are going to the supermarket. Using presuppositions is extremely useful in many lifetime situations, and creating a constant will eventually lead to a constant result. For instance, using a presupposition for printing a report and then making two copies of it, will lead the target to eventually do this out of habit. It’s basically a type of Pavlovian insertion model, training the target into performing a certain task based on a trigger phrase, which will eventually be a natural occurrence even without the trigger.
- Comparative deletions – these are marketing and PR favorites and basically include sentences such as: its double strength action, or it’s got much more flavor, or its bigger. What was the original strength, double strength compared to what/ How much flavor did it have before? Compared to what does it have more flavor? What flavor is it? How big was it, how much bigger is it compared to others? Is it big? Add to these the % sign, and you are flying. (Its 90% bigger, it’s got 50% more flavor…).
- Unspecified verbs – are ambiguous statements such as My boss is angers me or my brother hurt me. How does your boss anger you? How did your brother hurt you? Ambiguous statements that lead to direct questions.
- Universal quantifiers – are statements that negate any options they are absolute. For instance, they are all liars, or I have no chance or its always black on Mondays. Why are they all liars, do you have proof? Why don’t you have a chance, did you even try every option? What is black on Mondays and why is it always black and why only on Monday?
- Unspecified nouns – these are statements that NLP calls a lack of referential index, which is a convoluted way of stating ambiguous groups, such as the people frustrate me, do you mean every-body or only at work? Maybe at home? Or for instance They always ignore me. Who are they?
PR and marketing specialists are highly skilled at these techniques. Using language to convey a need to purchase the product or believe in the salesperson or need something you didn’t know existed and never really needed are all products of the Milton model. By mastering these language techniques, you can exponentially increase your productivity/result model and generate more success.
3.3 Anchoring
The technique:
As I mentioned above, our emotional state is determined through our childhood, once we reach adulthood we have collected a vast store of situations that have triggers and anchors. These anchors are one of the five senses associated with a situation. For instance, your grandmother would wear a certain dress, or put on a certain perfume, your feeling of love to her is anchored with these, so in the future when you smell or see these, you will have a feeling of happiness. Every situation generates an emotional response with an anchor. Anchors can be called up from our memory to stimulate a particular emption. For instance, actors use anchors to elicit emotions on camera such as crying or hysterical laughter.
Just like Pavlov’s dog, anchoring aims to produce a specific emotional response to a specific sensory trigger. Anchors, as mentioned above, are stimuli that we have subconsciously associated to an action or situation. This being the case, NLP teaches us how to create new anchors and how to change old ones.
There are three types of anchors, all sensory ones,
- The first is visual that require sight as a trigger, these can be symbols, people or objects, anything that you have seen and can recall.
- The second type is auditory that requires sound and hearing, and
- The third is kinesthetic or touch where you will need to either remember how something felt physically in your hand or a touch on your body.
- Another sensory trigger can come from olfactory, smell, a certain smell can be related to a certain situation.
The way you install a new anchor is quite easy, first decide on which state you want to anchor into. Anger, Calm, Happiness, Sadness and whatever you want. Now choose the anchor that you want to induce this state. You will remember a situation that made you feel the way you want to anchor, then activate the anchor. As your state changes, re-imagine the memory and reactivate the anchor. Do this a few times until your anchor can activate the state you want to get into. You can check this by activating the anchor and seeing what will happen. You must activate your anchoring process as many times as needed to secure the anchor in place.
For instance, you want to be calm, so think of a calming moment in your life, now apply an anchor, maybe by pressing your left thumb, or looking at a blue smiley or whatever you decide to take. Start the anchoring process and after you complete it, wait a while. Do other things, and then try to activate the anchor and see if it works.
Tip: Find emotional triggers. Emotional triggers are sights, sounds, smells, tastes and feels, (the senses) that are associated with situations in your past. Your emotions are built from birth, so the sound of a lullaby your mother sang to you daily might comfort you, the sight of fire might upset you if you were trapped in one, the smell of rosemary might induce tears as a memory of your great grandmothers cooking and the feel of wool might make you feel excite since it was what your first love wore on your first date. The senses are recorded with every action, emotions and senses are inseparable, and when you feel a particular emotion at any given time, try to analyze why it appeared, what triggered it. Now know this, everyone has triggers, try to see what triggers other people.
Anchoring examples:
Here is a simple exercise for creating new anchors. Think back to a moment in time that you have a particular strong emotional connected memory. Picture the memory, revel in its feeling and keep the memory rolling in your mind.
Find an easy spot to touch on your body, but not one that is constantly in touch on a daily basis.
- For instance, take two fingers of your right hand and press on the middle knuckle of your left-hand forefinger.
- Every time you reach the height of your emotional experience, press the fingers.
- Keep doing this and enforcing it with sub-modalities, a sight or sound in your memory, a smell maybe.
- Every time you relive the memory, make it more vivid and touch your fingers, creating an anchor that connects the memory to a physical trigger.
After completing this exercise a few times, you should be able to induce the emotional experience without the memory, just by triggering the anchor.
3.4 Future Pacing
The Technique:
Future pacing is a projection technique, whereby you take a situation you are in or thinking of doing and project yourself into the future of the situation living the moment, the outcome. It is not about imagining various outcomes, it is not a risk management or contingency planning model, it is a technique used to project your actions based on an outcome you want.
For instance, you are going for a job interview, you project yourself at the interview.
- Look at how you are sitting, moving, talking, now create a new scenario, project how you feel you should be in order to succeed at the interview.
- Visualize the situation, try to even smell, feel, see and hear the interview room.
This future pacing is a method used to teach you how to act in a situation in the future. So, once you are actually at the interview you will think about the exercise, and act accordingly. The concept of future pacing is teaching your mind to react according to how you want it to act and not out of fear of the unknown. Basically, you know what will happen, you are just revisiting the situation in reality. This is a method for dealing with the unknown, and reducing fear and jitters as well as honing your body language skills.
Future pacing is a visualization technique but can be enhanced using anchors, so if you need confidence, remember to create an anchor for confident feelings, and then when you visualize the future meeting, add the anchor to enhance the process.
NLP is all about mixing techniques to reach the desired result. NLP is not an objective science, it is a subjective science. So, you need to remember that everyone reacts differently with different techniques.
Here is an example of the technique:
- You must first imagine a future situation, maybe you have an idea or product you invented and want to present it to investors.
- You know what the product is, you invented it, you are enthusiastic about it and you have to make others feel the same way. So, you imagine a presentation ten day from now.
- Now imagine where you will be making the presentation.
- What does the room look like, what time of day is it,
- What is the weather like?
- How many people are sitting in the room, how are you presenting it?
- Now imagine you standing there and presenting your baby project, your product. You are going to tell them what it will do to make them rich, and how it will change the lives of millions by doing so.
- You will imagine how you get them to be eager about it and then you wait for their questions.
- Now imagine their questions, everyone, every kind of question that could be asked.
- Now you imagine how you are answering every question giving responses in clear concise manner.
- All this time you are building up memories of a situation that is yet to happen.
- Once you arrive at the time in the future, the room, the people will become an embodiment of the memory, basically you are making reality from imagination.
- Once you convert the future into a set of memories, making it real, you will respond in the future as if it had happened. Just like the film “Groundhog Day”, you will be so totally prepared for the situation that it will be second nature to you.
Using Future pacing for Dating and success in romance
If you a shy person, or lacking in self-confidence and want to have either a proper relationship or romantic interlude, you should use NLP to enhance your confidence.
Here are some basic rules about dating;
For men:
- Be yourself, it won’t take long for your partner to find out who you really are.
- There is always someone that you will love and that will love you.
- Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but remember, beauty is within, what you see outside is lust, what you see within is love.
- With online dating, don’t use fake information or photos from when you were 20 (unless you are 20)
- Don’t try to impress, and don’t try to be something you are not just to get your partner, if your potential partner cannot accept you as you are, then there is no love there and you might as well go-to a strip joint where all that matter is your money.
- Don’t generalize anyone, they are not one unit. In other words, not all people like Brainiac’s or ambitious finance marketers, not all partner like violence and tattoos, but there are those that do, there are smokers and vegans, religious and atheist.
- Fit minded people tend to like fit minded people, but it’s not a must. If your partner likes to work out it doesn’t mean that you should too. So, don’t force yourself to be a fit person if you are not.
Now we have the ground rules, the golden rule “Be Yourself” is a must.
However, being yourself with confidence is another matter. NLP can help how you boost your confidence, it cannot change who you are, the core you is who you are and it’s what makes you unique. Also, you might use the anchor technique for confidence in dating.
Now let’s try a future Pacing process for dating:
- Imagine a place you would like to meet someone, it can be a bar, a café, a museum. Or, if you meet them online, it can be in one of the above places.
- Now imagine you are about to meet the woman of your dreams. How do you look, are you dressed up for the occasion? Is it night or day? Imagine the air, the fragrance of the air around you, the weather, the people.
- Imagine you are early, it’s always better to arrive earlier, it gives you a chance to acclimatize yourself to your surroundings.
- If this is a blind date or a real meeting after a virtual one, try to imagine that the photo (or maybe video conversation) or face of the person you are meeting for the first time in real life. Look at body language, facial expressions.
- Now imagine how you approach your partner. How you walk, how you gesture. Go through this scene as many times as you can, visualizing every possible opening gambit.
- As in any future pacing exercise, you are going to live the date in as many instances as possible so that when you actually meet your date it’s as if it had already occurred, it will be a memory and not an uncharted journey.
3.5 Swish
The Technique:
Swish is a process to remove or reduce negative patterns in the thought process, these patterns lead to unwanted behavior such as smoking, drug abuse, drinking etc. The Swish process trains you to recognize cues or triggers that lead to disruptive behavior. It also requires that you use visualization techniques to imagine an outcome that is opposed to the negative. For instance, obesity requires visualization of a physically fit version of oneself. This would then be used to combat the desire to eat more. Taking into account genetics and metabolism, this might be only one form of combatting over-eating, but it is a necessary technique.
Swish is about emotion manipulation, basically every situation has an emotion linked to it so in swish we try to change the emotion linked to the situation by picking a memory that has the emotion we want to associate with the situation. How is this done, quite simple really;
- You are going to make a public appearance for the first time, you are terrified of public speaking since you have never been in front of crowd, never mind talking to one, especially when they are all looking at you.
- Now find a memory where you are speaking to your family or friends or at a sports game. You are with many people and you are talking and the memory is a good one.
- Now take the projected image of the public speaking session, as you feel the tension rising in you quickly swish the image with the good memory.
- Do this a few times until you associate a good feeling with public speaking.
- Once you go-to speak in public just remember that feeling.
An example of swish with sadness. Usually you don’t want to feel happy at a sad occasion, but sadness is in fact a selfish emotion. It is about you and how you feel, not how the other person feels. For instance, you are sad at a funeral, it’s because you have lost someone you interacted with, it’s YOUR loss, not theirs. Or a family member is ill, and you are sad, THEY are ill, not you, you are sad for them, but have you asked what they feel? Did you consider their emotions? Swish will enable you to combat certain emotions in certain cases but before you do swish, first interview the reason. Why do you want to change, what is the reason, and will you benefit from this change?
For instance, if you are always happy at funerals, tend to smile and see the funny side of life, this might be a problem in some instances. So, you need to start changing how you react at funerals, swish can help, anchors definitely help, but swish can make it reactive rather than triggered.
Using swish to stop smoking
You are a smoker, you have finally succumbed to all the public and family pressures to stop. You want a healthier life and lifestyle, as well as a cheaper one (Smoking is expensive). How do you stop yourself without using gadgets or injections? With NLP, using the swish method, utilizing every NLP resource in your arsenal, you start to plan your surgical removal of the habit to smoke.
Smoking is addictive, this means at first that a part of your brain released a chemical whenever you smoke, which induced a feeling. Now, your brain releases a chemical to induce a state where you must smoke to counter it.
You will have to make an anchor for this, so refer to the anchor section and create a smoking warning anchor, this means, every time you feel like smoking you will release the trigger to anchor your mind on not smoking.
Now we use swish for implanting the non-smoking habit into your mind.
Check to see if you gave a trigger that sets off your need to smoke, for instance you might think of an instance that you are lighting up your cigarette, or relaxing in a chair with a cigarette, you must find that first instance that triggers the whole process. This is the picture that triggers your need to smoke.
Take this photo, the smoking trigger photo and let’s replace it with a more powerful one. Find a thought that makes you feel even better, more comfortable, more relaxed that one where you smoke. Perhaps one of you playing with your children or holding your partners hand, or maybe you love sport and imagine you performing a particular action. Take that picture and now take that new picture and imagine both in your mind’s eye. Put the old one in the front and the small one in the left corner of her mind’s eye, small and dark. Now, swap the images, swap the smoking trigger with the new photo, swish! Say swish as you do it. Now do this for 30 times, swish the old with the new. Start to imagine the new instead of the old. Once you remove the smoking trigger you will stop smoking.
There will be instances where the smell of smoke will induce the same response, so you should imagine that image with a smell too, try to include colors and smells into the new image, so that even if you smell smoke you can cancel out the image of smoking with the new image.
3.6 Framing
The Technique:
Framing (Negative and Positive) is the technique used to change how you perceive a situation or event thereby changing the context and outcome of said event. Once the meaning of the situation changes so too will how you react to it, your emptions and behavior will change accordingly. You are surrounded by reframing every day, humor is a classical reframing technique used to change how we react to a situation. Reframing is way to change how you perceive a situation, how you view it. The so called half full-half empty state of mind. Once you learn how to change how to visualize perceptive change, you will start doing it for every state you find yourself in.
Basically, framing is either an emotional amp or deamp. It works by rerouting the limbic system in your brain, between the amygdala and hippocampus. All our memories are stored in the hippocampus whilst all our emotions are processed in the amygdala. So, if these two are separate it means that emotions are only associated with memories, they are not a part of the memory. In this case we can restructure or relink emotions with any memory through correct training. This is what framing does, it rewrites the link between a memory and an emotion.
Here is an exercise to try. Imagine a bad memory, something with a negative emotion related to it. Once you recall that memory, look at the image in your mind, and feel the emotion related to it. Negative framing is about dealing with bad memories and framing (or positive framing) is about dealing with good memories. The negative framing technique is used to reduce the stress or emotional overload of a bad memory. It is not wise to try to make a bad memory a good one, this can end up changing how you feel about bad things in a very bad way.
OK, let’s start.
- Imagine an interview you once had, it didn’t go well because you arrived late or were feeling a bit ill. The interview didn’t go well and you went home feeling bad. Now, take one shot or photo of that memory into your mind, and make it into a photo.
- Now take a step back and see yourself from a third person perspective but in your own eyes.
- Look at that photo, take a step back so it becomes hard to see, a blurry photo.
- Now frame it like a picture in a museum, make it a blurry dull colored photo in a frame.
- Next, put that frame with the photo into a colorful setting, such as a restaurant or art gallery or any warm colorful place you can think of.
- Now try to project different light, ambiguous lighting projected onto it and watch how passers-by look at it. Notice how your memory has been captured into a single moment and hung on a wall. Notice how your emotions changed as it became a less significant impact memory. What we are doing is changing your association of the memory into a picture and reducing the emotional stress that came with the memory. As a dull picture, the memory induces a dull emotion.
On the other hand, you might want to exaggerate a positive memory, make it more exciting in your memory. Positive framing means you take a memory and make it strong and vivid.
- Let’s go back to the interview, only this time the picture is of you in a bland interview room.
- Look at yourself from a third person perspective, again you are that third person looking at yourself.
- Imagine you are being notified that you have received the job, even more so, your wage is double what it should be. See how you react, how your face changes, how your body language flows with this information. Notice how you become straighter, more confident and happy.
- Keep that picture in mind and start to increase your excitement level.
- Now add more color, make the picture vivid and live.
- Feel the environment around you, the temperature, look at how clean and great looking you are.
- Now bring the picture closer, make it stronger in your mind’s eye.
- Keep on making it bigger until it’s like a wall mural on the side of building.
- Now concentrate on how happy and strong you feel, revel in this thought, revel in this new emotional relationship to this image.
This is how NLP framing can make your memories feel how you want them to feel, don’t let your emotions control you, you must control your emotions.
3.7 Parts integration
The technique:
NLP takes into account the fact that as humans we are in constant internal conflict, the so-called fight between right and wrong, good and bad, yin and yang. We all have conflicting opinions and emotions on certain issues. Parts integration is about finding these discrepancies and negotiating ways to resolve the conflict. The less internal strife the more internal peace, parts integration is a very important technique to imbue yourself with inner peace.
Mainly during our childhood but much through life in general we create values and beliefs based on our observations and sensory inputs. The childhood years imprint our mind with our core values and beliefs on which we build up more and more, sort of like a codex of laws, new ones being added constantly over the old ones, but the first ones are like the constitution, they are unbreakable. These core values and beliefs generate emotional responses to situations.
For instance, taking truth as an example; one person might lie easier than another, his emotional reaction to lying might be less than expected or he might even get excited by it. This is not an abnormal situation, we find different levels of lying in everyone, as we do in stealing, cheating, aggression, etc. Life is about maintain a balance between the extremes. Telling the absolute truth all the time might be considered a virtue, but go and tell someone you hate their guts? Imagine the reaction. So, you don’t you smile or not, you talk with them or not, whatever you do you don’t usually tell them what you really think because this would be a social misdemeanor. This situation creates a conflict in our minds, since we don’t want to lie to the but we also don’t want to tell them how disgusted we are by them, So, we utilize lying and hiding facts and bending truths to ensure that our way forward is smooth. Having said all this, there are some instances where we struggle with our emotions when confronted with certain situations.
What NLP is stating is that once we cancel out or negate the conflict between our core value and the situation, we will be able to ride the situation in a clam manner. We will also be less conflicted in life. That butterfly in the stomach feeling comes from nervous tension borne out of internal conflict.
So, what do we do? We start by establishing the conflict based on the indecision.
- Take both your hands palm up, in each palm create an image of the conflicting parts, one good and one bad. You can use any symbol or picture to represent the opposing images.
- Now, in one hand place the good part, now ask it what its intentions are, what is it doing.
- Keep on asking until your mind gives you the answer.
- Do the same for the other part, the bad one.
- Keep on asking what their ultimate goal is, what is their final intention.
- You will find that both want to reach the same goal, but want to take different paths to reach it.
- Now, once you have reached the conclusion that both parts want the same thing, bring your palms together, merge the images into one image, creating a third image, a combined image not in conflict but in agreement.
- Now relax a moment and then think of the situation again. See if your new approach to it has worked.
This will ensure that in future you will not feel conflicted over an issue, you will be in agreement within yourself and as such be more relaxed and calm when approaching a similar situation in the future.
3.8 VK/D
The technique
VK/D means 'Visual/Kinesthetic Dissociation'. This process is used to relive old issues that still leave you with a bad feeling. You visualize your memories associated with the instance or situation, and like a director, you peer through the lens of your camera and view the scene with no attachment. Then by re-directing the shot, you start to change the way you feel about the situation by locking off your emotions and disassociating yourself from the scene.
- First create a “here and now” anchor, this means you have an anchor that represents current time.
- Then remember the situation you wish to relieve.
- Anchor the here and now state, see if you immediately return to you’re here and now state.
- Now, imagine your traumatic event on a television screen, think of it as a film, a horror film if you want.
- Now float out of your body in your mind’s eye and anchor that moment. This means that you will now anchor the moment when you watch your memory on TV as a film.
- Now fast forward the film to the worst scene, the most traumatic scene and freeze the frame.
- Now, keep on that scene, re-run it as many times as you need to view all the parts of it in your memory, sometimes you see things you did not notice in your memory.
- Now, your third person view is you as you are now, the one sitting in the chair watching the movie is the younger you.
- Talk to your younger you, tell him you are from the future.
- Turn the memory into a film, disassociate from the memory as it turns into a memory of a movie.
- Now move the movie back, rewind it back and at the same time make it smaller as you do, the screen getting smaller and smaller until it blinks away.
- Do this again until your memory is dissociated from its emotional content.
3.9 Covert Hypnosis
This technique is used by masters of NLP, for it requires you to learn how to use language and body language to persuade other people or hypnotize them into a state of belief. This is commonly used by experienced stage magicians and street sleight of hand artists. One of the key elements of covert hypnosis is presupposition.
There are 7 strategies in covert hypnosis, these include:
1. Eye Cues; one of the body languages you need to master is the ability to read eyes. When people think or speak, their eyes move to a certain area, each direction means that the person is using a different part of their brain to process information graphically. These directions are:
Eyes Up and Left: Visual memory.
Eyes Up and Right: Imagined visualization.
Eyes Lateral Left: Auditory memory.
Eyes Lateral Right: Imagined auditory.
Eyes Down and Left: Internal self-talk.
Eyes Down and Right: Feelings.
Eyes Straight Ahead, but Defocused or Dilated: Access to any sensory information; usually visual.
2. Submodalities; each person reacts differently to stimuli. Submodalities are how we interpret and store information and are the building blocks of our memory and decision-making process. By using contextual messages you can discover how a person reacts to them, and thereby build up a list of key words to elicit a specific response.
3. Deception; one of the most complicated but central skill that a covert hypnotist needs is control of deception. The ability to control the language they use to generate deceptive speech patterns that cause the target to believe, think or decide based on the use of false information used in a deceptive way.
4. Misdirection; another key skill required to make the hypnotic suggestion work, misdirection is the ability to plant a suggestion in someone’s mind without them realizing this is being done.
5. Cold Reading; this is a classic skill set used by mind readers, clairvoyants etc. They make vague statements that elicit a response which fills in the missing information that is then used to elicit more information. A sort of data mining process using vagaries and innuendo’s leading the target to believe you can actually mind read whilst they are providing you with all the information themselves.
6. Warm Reading; like cold reading but it doesn’t elicit a response, this is making a generalized statement that can be applied to anyone, and when anyone hears it agrees with it, strengthening their belief in your mind reading skills.
7. Hot Reading; this is the strongest of all mind reading skills, basically you must have prior knowledge of your targets history, or specific information about them and the subject they are interested to discuss. Usually it requires getting information from friends and family and building up a portfolio of personal data that can be used to amaze the target. This process is 100% successful and can be integrated with the other six skills to create a complete package that will astound anyone.
In addition to these seven skills are a few more techniques for close contact seduction. In this case, seduction is not meant in a literal sense, but in a hypnotic suggestive sense. These skills include:
1. Their clothes; what they wear, how they wear them is important to assess their basic emotional state.
2. Their eyes; what we discussed above.
3. Their breathing; how are they breathing during your conversation, this requires a certain observational skill, such as watching their temples or diaphragm movement, to see if they are relaxed or excited.
4. Their facial expressions; as mentioned earlier in this book, facial expressions are extremely important in assessing what a person is feeling, thinking and expressing.
5. Their body positions; watch how they are standing or sitting, this way you can match them or oppose them, this way creating a desired response.
6. Their hand movements; includes their legs too, watch how they express themselves with hand or leg movements, showing you how expressive they are connected to how they feel.
7. Your conversation; through using the covert hypnosis techniques to make your target more susceptible to you, you can seduce them to believe in you, trust you and follow your suggestions.
3.9.1 Presupposition is an actual psychological tool used to place an idea into the mind by suggesting a supposition that might or might not exist but will exist in a presupposition state once it’s supposed.
Here are some examples of presupposition: in court a lawyer might suggest to the jury, the judge by asking a simple question “Do you still shoplift? Or have you stopped?” the person being asked might never have shoplifted in his/her life, but the very question suggests that they have, even when the answer might be “I never shoplifted” it doesn’t matter to the jury and judge, they have now got a presupposition suggestion in place that the person being questioned is of doubtful competence. The same with a magician saying, “look at my right hand, I have nothing in it” so you look at his right hand…and see nothing.
Presupposition when used subtly gives its user power, power of how the receiver of the suggestion will now think.
In hypnosis, presupposition uses two words, so and as. For instance, “As you settle down, so your eyelids get heavier.” Or “As you become more relaxed So you become sleepier”. These statements take into account that there is a truth, you are sitting and you are relaxed, and then they add the presuppositions that must be getting sleepy too and your eyelids are getting heavier. The use of truth as the base to add on a situation is the core of successful hypnosis and presupposition is the best and easiest way to do this.
As you can read, covert hypnosis is perhaps the hardest of all NLP techniques, since it is not just about yourself and manipulating your mind, it’s about someone else and how you manipulate their minds. Just like in any other profession, partial knowledge is more dangerous than no knowledge at all. Never, and I state this again, NEVER try to apply covert hypnosis until you are totally adept at it, otherwise you will just piss off the other person and get a totally opposite result from the one you want. In order to test it, you must apply single skills first, one friends and associates, and slowly go through each one. After you are successful with each single skill set, add another one and become adept at using two skills, and slowly build up from there until you can manage all seven.
3.10 Perceptual positioning
The technique:
Perceptual positioning is a technique similar to V/KD, in which you detach yourself through envisioning yourself looking at yourself from another angle, only here you do it from three different angles. In this technique, you try to position yourself from your own eyes outside your body looking at yourself, then you envision yourself as an onlooker, someone with different eyes, using a more critical and detached aspect and finally you look at yourself from a third position, any position you choose such as above, or in another place or situation where you can place this one into it. By adding new perspectives, you can learn how to develop new qualities of your relationship with the environment.
In order to truly understand people is to be able to put yourself in their shoes. Now we don’t expect you to literally take over their shoes and understand how they think. What we do want you to do is consider their point of view. Whilst some NLP trainers will try to tell you to imagine another person’s perspective with their emotions and experiences, we don’t purport to support this fallacy. It is impossible to imagine another person life no matter how close they are to you, the most you can do is imagine the question you have from their side of the question rather than yours. You can also imagine their responses based on generic or even direct observation of their habits, but to fully comprehend what they feel is not a viable possibility.
Having stated this, perceptual positioning requires you place yourself in another person’s viewpoint and look upon you from them. There are four positions in perceptual positioning:
- The first position is yourself. This position is a fully associated one, meaning you are it, you fully associate with being yourself.
- The second position is the other. This means another entity, not necessarily human, it’s just another position from which you can use to look at yourself from.
- The third position is split into three stages or sub-positions, of which they are all based on a perceptual version of the first two.
- Pure third means having been in the first two but now in a perceptual position outside of them.
- Meta third means having been only in the first and now in a perceptual position outside of it.
- And the third is Observer, which is a unique position, perhaps like an alien come to observe for the first time.
- The fourth and final perceptual position is synthesis or combination of all the positions. Sort of watching from every possible angle and ideal.
Perceptual positioning is very useful for preparing for major negotiations. Remember never rush a meeting. Always be relaxed, during the meeting perform various perceptual positions to gauge and check yourself and your environment. Make changes when necessary and keep on using this technique in real time. After a while it will become second nature, and you will be able to maintain a focused in person interaction whilst being an outside observer at the same time.
3.11 Ecology
The technique:
This is an add-on outcome to certain frames, it’s how you check your outcome not from your own perspective but how it affects your environment. It is a method used to consider all social aspects of the outcome. So, when dealing with changes, before you make the change you must ask a series of “ecological” questions:
- Will this thought, or belief, or value, or attitude, or emotion, or behavior, or new way of communicating serve me in a better way?
- Will this change enhance my life?
- Will it bring me closer to my desired outcome?
- Will it limit my abilities or performance in any way?
- Will it empower me?
- How does this change affect others around me?
These are the main questions we need to ask ourselves before making any changes. Then, when we have successfully answered our questions, we can direct ourselves to the correct change and process.
Ecology is all about us in our environment, because at the end of the day, whilst we are all islands, we are also all linked, and a social linkage requires an unselfish approach. Selfish changes will eventually create or generate a negative result over time.
An example of ecology questioning:
You are about to apply for a post in master chef, you are a good home cook and you want to try to improve yourself, you love food and cooking, but to make the change you have to change your confidence levels and public appearance.
1. Will this thought, or belief, or value, or attitude, or emotion, or behavior, or new way of communicating serve me in a better way?
o Will going on master chef change my cooking capabilities? Yes, it will, it will make me evolve from a house cook to a restaurant chef level.
2. Will this change enhance my life?
o I believe it will, it will take me from my home and work which I don’t like and propel me into a world of food preparation and customer service, which I will embrace.
3. Will it bring me closer to my desired outcome?
o Yes, my desired outcome is to cook good nourishing and tasty food and be appreciated for it. Heck, I might even become famous too.
4. Will it limit my abilities or performance in any way?
o No, it will only increase my performance in every way, cooking, stamina, inventiveness and knowledge.
5. Will it empower me?
o Yes, it definitely will. I will feel empowered by the fact that I am one of the top contestants and when I win, I will be totally empowered and ready to take on my new life.
6. How does this change affect others around me?
o It will make my family and friends proud of my success.
Ecology is NLP’s environmental control technique. Every change in you makes a change around you, like ripples from a stone. Once you change a certain aspect of yourself it will be noticed by all that know you. Usually the changes are for the better, so they will notice good changes. You don’t always have t ask yourself how will the outcome affect your surroundings, but you should be prepared for the effects it will have. Remember, you must do what is good for you.
3.12 Well Formed Outcome
The technique:
A well-formed outcome is a generic frame outcome. This means that you must visualize a positive outcome for a particular set of instances, create a new perception that will change your negative behavior and then apply it for all circumstance that fit the set.
With WFO you need to do a lot of groundwork and pre-frame questions.
1. What do you want?
2. How will you know when you’ve got it? What will you see, hear, feel, taste?
3. Where, when and with whom do you want this?
4. Where, when and with whom do you NOT want this?
5. What resources do you need to get this?
6. What will happen when you get this?
7. How you benefit from this?
8. Do you want this change in any other situation?
9. How will your ecology be affected?
10. What would happen if you didn’t make that change?
11. What would happen if you did make that change?
12. What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t make that change?
13. What wouldn’t happen if you did make that change?
Let’s take an example, you are at work, you have a new co-worker that is driving you crazy. No particular reason, just bad chemistry. Now, you can continue to blame chemistry or you can try to make a change. By asking the ecology questions and applying them to you, the co-worker or the environment you can decide what has to change. It is always easy to blame everyone else, but it is harder to change them. So, maybe changing your perception of your co-worker, reducing the effects of the bad chemistry by changing how you react to him/her will do the trick and have the least ecological damage. It might actually improve how you relate to people that you usually don’t relate to.
So now let’s answer the questions in relation to a co-worker bad chemistry situation.
1. What do you want?
a. I want to change the bad chemistry between my co-worker and me.
2. How will you know when you’ve got it? What will you see, hear, feel, taste?
a. When I feel fine by my co-worker. I will see and hear him and not be angry.
3. Where, when and with whom do you want this?
a. At work, during work hours and with my co-worker.
4. Where, when and with whom do you NOT want this?
a. Other than work, or work hours and with anyone else.
5. What resources do you need to get this?
a. Myself, I need to change how I react to him.
6. What will happen when you get this?
a. My life will be much better at work.
7. How you benefit from this?
a. I will be able to work better and interact with my co-worker properly.
8. Do you want this change in any other situation?
a. Not as I know of.
9. How will your ecology be affected?
a. Once I feel better at work my whole attitude will change and I believe everyone around me will benefit from my new happy manner.
10. What would happen if you didn’t make that change?
a. I will continue to grumble and try to find ways to destroy my co-worker. This will lead to a disruptive work environment. I will also get crankier and nastier and less tolerable to more and more people.
11. What would happen if you did make that change?
a. I will become a happier person, a better person, and more tolerable for those that I usually have no time or patience for.
Once you have completed the questionnaire you can now begin to process the frames accordingly. The process uses standard NLP techniques already discussed, such as anchoring, Swish and perceptual positioning.
It’s interesting to note, that the actual technique of asking and answering these questions usually leads you to make different decisions. The question process is in itself an NLP technique that can aid you in understanding what you actually need more than want. This means, you might want something, but in fact you need something else. By using the questioning technique you end up finding out what you really need rather than what you thought you wanted.
Chapter 4. NLP & Zen
Zen is a meditational set of techniques originating in China but becoming fully expounded in Japan, hence the Japanese term Zen Buddhism. Zen is a set of exercises to regulate breathing, meditation, chanting and mind exercises.
Whilst Zen is set in pre-history, meaning it was discerned thousands of years ago, whilst NLP is a modern technique that evolved from centuries of human research into the mind. It is possible to strengthen NLP with the introduction of Zen, by combining Zen principles with NLP techniques you can increase the effectivity of NLP a hundred times, however, Zen and NLP are sometimes in total opposition to each other, and that is exactly why they complement each other, because opposites attract.
Here are the differences:
Zen attainment means not seeing enlightenment, actively seeking and talking about enlightenment is to miss the mark.
NLP attainment means naming the desire, the outcome and using techniques to attain it.
Conflict Zen requires giving up desires whilst NLP requires reaching desires in a better way. The paradox is that both require us to feel better which is a perceptual relationship of our minds with the world, it is an environmental issue. Zen requires release of ego whilst NLP requires us to strengthen our abilities to fule our ego.
Zen is all about simplicity, so much so that it requires us to totally abandon all desires, through not wanting we will be happy with what we get and as such reach a state of total happiness.
NLP whilst it is about simplicity too, it’s about simplicity in reducing our desires and goals to specific concepts, making life easier to manage.
Conflict Zen is about reducing our desires to nothing, once we desire nothing everything will be always more. NLP is about reducing the way we reach our desires to simple ways, so that once we reach our desires we can continue to reach for more.
Zen is about preparing the mind by clearing it of thought and desire.
NLP is about preparing the mind with tools to target our desires.
Conflict Zen gives us tools to clear our mind, make our ability to think stronger. NLP is about strengthening our mind through proper programming.
Zen purpose is see things as they are, to let them be as they are.
NLP is about making things as we want them, ergo they are what they are unless we want them to be what we want them to be.
Conflict Zen wants us to accept what is as fact whilst NLP wants us to change how we view and attain what we see.
Zen is about internal perception, which means nothing comes from the outside, it is all internal.
NLP is about everything coming from the outside and being interpreted by our mind.
Conflict Both Zen and NLP agree that the mind perceives our environments, however Zen disregards the senses, and claims that all is irrelevant, only our mind is truth. Whereas NLP claims that we are all part of our environment and how we translate our interaction with it is what makes our perception truth.
Zen quickness to dispel many bad experiences and thoughts through one flash of wisdom.
NLP is about quickly changing bad habits or modes of operation and feelings with good ones in quick applications.
Conflict Zen is about reducing all experiences through meditation techniques that change our perspective of the conflict, NLP is about changing how we remember our bad experiences and trains us to prepare so we don’t have any more.
Zen mind and body, is you are what you eat.
NLP mind and body is about balance, making your life healthy but enjoyable.
Conflict Zen is about reducing the variety of what we eat to base natural sustenance, reducing the sensory overload in order to reduce our primal hunger. NLP is about balancing sustenance and enjoyment, thereby increasing our eating experience whilst maintaining a healthy diet.
Zen putting things in order means preparing yourself with exercise and technique.
NLP putting things in order is the same as in Zen.
Conflict There is no conflict, both require practice, however NLP is a faster more scientific approach based on years of research and history. Zen is still set in pre-history.
Zen practicality is about reaching goals that help us live.
NLP practicality is about reaching goals that increase our life experience.
Conflict Zen is about reducing conflict and stress by simplifying our lives, NLP is about reducing how we cope with conflict and stress and giving us tools to enjoy life even more.
Combining the two
By combining the way we perceive the world, by reducing desire and simplifying how we want to live we invariably create a cleaner slate for NLP to work on. By using Zen meditation techniques together with NLP mind programming, we can actually speed up many process’ and reach better results.
Clearing the mind of junk, reducing desires all help when starting to utilize various NLP techniques. So, a balance of Zen and NLP would be fruitful if you are ready to add meditation to your NLP load. Reducing your desires and perceptions will drastically increase your ability to reduce bad habits, bad memories and increase self-confidence and success.
Chapter 5. NLP & The laws of attraction
There are three basic concepts in the laws of attraction, they are physical, mental and emotional (PME).
Physical: the physical attributes that makes one person attracted to the other and the that make one attractive to the other. People are attracted by sight, they first see and then decide what to do. Physical attributes are both genetic and human made, whilst we cannot combat genetics we can change physical attributes in a number of ways, starting from body language and dress code through to extreme surgical procedures.
Mental: the mind set and capabilities that draw people together, each person seeks a different mental capacity. Some are attracted to high intelligence, ambition, religion, whilst others are attracted to language styles and habits.
Emotional: each individual has different emotional responses to different situations. Some people are attracted to quiet and timid whilst another to aggressive and extrovert.
The differences in PME are what make up seven billion individuals populating this world. Whilst there are so many differences, many can be grouped into types, the physical is easier to group since it comes in different colors, shapes and sizes, as well as un-natural additions (tattoos, piercings, cosmetic surgery etc.) The mental is quantified, but with intelligence comes emotional intelligence too, that that changes the whole aspect of what is intelligence.
NLP can make any individual reach the PME goal they want (within reason). For instance, you are short and overweight, it can train your mind to work-out and eat well so you become physically fit. It will not change your height. If you want to change your appearance and you are scared to do so, NLP will bolster your confidence levels to reach this.
However, there is a catch 22 in confidence; if you are not confident in who you are, then by building confidence you will not want to change who you are. So if you want cosmetic surgery, NLP will give you the confidence to reach the decision, but once you are so confident you might decide not to do it since you are now confident in whom you are.
Having said this, let’s look at the laws of attraction and NLP. Remember, most people are attracted to physical attributes and tend to disregard the mental and emotional, this is what leads to so many divorces and broken up relationships. When seeking your “true love” NLP asks you what is your true love? Is it only a physical representation of what you lust for, or is it a complex human that can give you true partnership.
By using NLP you will definitely boost your confidence, you will definitely be able to change your physical appearance as well as strengthen your EQ, you cannot improve your intelligence but you can learn and increase your knowledge.
By using NLP to change your confidence, you will strengthen your personal id and ego, you will walk with confidence, talk and look confident. Women and Men are drawn to this, but not all. Remember, the laws of attraction are not one sided, they are reciprocal, this means that whilst you are trying to change whom you are to be more attractive, the one you seek is also seeking what they find attractive. You have to first ask whom are you seeking? What is your desire or goal in attraction? Are you seeking short relationships or marriage? Are you seeking only sex or a complete friendship? Once you ask all your questions, then you can start by answering them and laying down the techniques you will need to reach the goals you have set.
Chapter 6. NLP and time management
One of the biggest issues we have to deal with on a daily basis is how we manage our day, our actions. In business, this is called time management and there are whole sectors of engineering dedicated to time management processes and control.
In NLP it’s a matter of using techniques to train your mind in utilizing your time to most efficient levels. For instance, we all have 24 hours a day to perform all out tasks. Tasks include getting up from bed, choosing our clothes, getting dressed, washing and cleaning ourselves, preparing food, eating, relieving ourselves, travelling to and from work or college or whatever we do. Reading, studying, researching, shopping, planning, cleaning etc…so many actions and activities. Planning and setting priorities is a key to successful time management. Unfortunately, not every mind is an ordered one, and NLP won’t change that, and in fact that’s not something you want to change, since you might need to be a disordered mind to be effective in certain professions. However, this does not mean you cannot manage your time like a professional, and in fact it would be better for a disorganized mind to be organized when approaching life time management.
NLP is all about improving how you approach certain situations and states, however there is one overlying state that affects us all, how we manage our tasks. Delaying and laziness are the two enemies of success. NLP will be able to remove these aspects by replacing them with the need to complete your tasks before you rest. We are not stating that you become a workaholic, what we are stating is that there are certain ways to complete your tasks as well as enjoy life at the same time.
By creating states of “do it now” you will cancel out “delaying” for whatever reasons you might consider. By “doing it now” and setting priorities, you create a state of life that will enable you to successfully advance in other areas that you always thought were out of your reach.
Setting priorities depends on how you perceive priorities. You will have to utilize the NLP questionnaire to determine what are your priorities. Once you have done that, you can then move onto how to set your daily time allocation. This means, how much time do you need to sleep, to play, to relax, to eat, to clean, to relieve yourself? How much time do you need for work, for studies, for your family, for your hobbies? You will need to ask yourself what are you goals in life at this moment, the through utilizing the questionnaire you can reach answers that might surprise you.
Once you have your priority list set, you can then use NLP to tech yourself how to maintain a time schedule for each priority. What comes first, which priority is a dependent and which is an orphan. A dependent priority is a priority that is linear, you have to complete one task before you can start the other. An orphan is a priority that stand by itself, there are no dependents once it is completed. By separating the priority type you can effectively build up a working flow of your life’s activities. You don’t need to become a robot, you must leave room for spontaneity and always remember that Murphy lurks around every activity. NLP will train you how to deal with Murphy’s law as well as how to accept spontaneity into your life.
Time management is merely a way to maximize every activity and reach every goal whilst enjoying life too.
Chapter 7. Self-Analysis; The NLP Questionnaire
Everyone is unique. We are all products of our environment and genetic heritage. Whilst we are all different, we are all similar in how we process information. We are biological creatures of generic nature. Our brains receive input from our sensory organs. All this information, be it visual, olfactory, audio, gustation (taste) and somatosensorial (touch) the five main senses as well as thermoception (feeling heat), Kinesthetic (relative placement of body parts to main body) and equilibrioception (sense of balance) and Nociception (pain) come together to fill our brain with a constant stream of information.
The way we collate and perceive this information is dependent on our genetics, our social environment and our physical environment. Every child grows up with a different genetic heritage, even with the same parents. They perceive their social interactions differently and also perceive their physical environment in a different way.
Yet, with all these unique associations, the processing is done with the same physical and mental contact to the world.
NLP recognizes these processes and does not disregard the unique approach of each individual, rather, it associates with it, and created a list of questions that is generic but the answers are always personal and unique.
For instance, when asked what do you want in life, we might get a similar or identical reply from some individuals, they might state that they want true love, or to be rich. Whilst the answer is identical, the rational and reason behind the answer is always totally different. Yet, whilst each reason is different, the technique to change is identical.
So, what we are facing here is a generic system that approaches each individual with a generic question but will always end up getting a unique response at the core of the question.
The NLP questionnaire is in fact a soul-searching list of questions that will infuriate many people, since it requires them to bare their very core of their sub conscious to their conscious. When delving into the reasons why we want to change, we end up learning a lot about ourselves and at the same time changing how we approach our own desires. The very questionnaire is in fact a technique all unto itself.
There are two types of questionnaire; the direct what do I want and the indirect; what would I do if. The first one is the questionnaire you use to decide what goal and what technique you would use to reach it, the second is to ascertain what personality type you are. The second changes over time with most people, the first is static. The second is easily found in many sites and in most personality test sections of psychology books. We will nit discuss this here since it is a science all unto itself.
Here are examples of the direct questionnaire:
Direct Goal Decision Questionnaire #1.
This is a linear question process, where one question leads to the next.
1. What is my goal?
This might seem to be a trivial question, but let’s look at closer: Example; you want to date a girl you saw a few times in a bar. You don’t have the confidence in yourself to approach her. Which leads us to the next question.
2. Why don’t you have the confidence to approach her?
This question starts the crux of self-discovery, it leads us to more questions, the first of which is:
3. Am I confident?
Now here is a great question, which leads us to ask.
4. What do you do in life?
Why is this question relevant, its relevant since it points us at your confidence level in other settings. How do approach your co-workers. I specifically ask this and not how do you approach your friends, since your friends are naturally close to you and therefore you are most probably at ease with them. At work, we tend to see how your confidence level truly appears. So, here is your next question:
5. How do you approach situations at work that require you to discuss them with other co-workers or peers?
Do you see where this is leading us? If you answer this with “I am always OK, or I prepare, or sometimes I am nervous…but I have to approach them, we are finding out that you have a confidence level that enables you to interact in a work environment. We also know you interact with friends and family…unless you are a recluse. This leads us to the next question:
6. If the girl you wish to approach was a friend or co-worker, would you be able to go up to her and talk?
You will definitely answer yes, why? Because if you have a work-related issue you will talk to her about that issue. The more you are sure of the issue the more confident you would talk to her about it. So, now we have established that you are confident at work, you talk to men and women about work related issues. Let’s move onto the next question:
7. What will happen if you go up to talk to her?
It’s obvious that the reason you want to approach her is for developing a relationship. So, we ask the next question:
8. What kind of relationship are you seeking?
Notice, we didn’t answer the above question, this is due to the nature of the process, we need to find out why you are not confident in talking to her. So, are you seeking a one night stand, a flirt or maybe you want a long term relationship possibly leading to marriage. Whoa there cowboy, marriage is so heavy? Well guess what, it is, but maybe she is looking for the same situation you are? Have you considered what she wants too? Now that we have established what you are looking for, lets go back to question seven.
9. What will happen if you go up to talk to her?
OK, its obvious, unless you are totally daft that you will try to approach her with small talk with the intention of finding a common ground and issue to discuss that will lead to finding out if you are both compatible to hold a long-term discussion or perhaps a quickie in the loo! So, what will happen? Either she will respond favorably or not, it’s a binary question, yes or no. So, this leads us to ask:
10. If she rejects your advances to talk, what will happen?
Well, what will happen? Life will go on; the earth will continue to go around the sun and the birds will continue to shit on your head if you stand under them. So, don’t stand under birds and go find the next girl you are attracted to. Which leads us to the next question:
11. What will you do if she accepts your advances?
Now this is the real cruncher. It’s easy to walk away from rejection, since life goes on and you continue to hope and dream of success. What happens if you are successful, you now have to follow through. Life gets real very quickly. You will most probably start a conversation and try to find a common ground or issue to discuss.
These are 11 questions that lead you to talking to a girl at a bar. Once you ask them to yourself and you truly digest and ingest the questions, giving yourself truthful answers, you will find that going up to a total stranger, female in this case, it just like going up to talk to anyone else. The only true question that will arise from this is a byproduct of question 10. How do you handle rejection?
This is where NLP comes into play. It will give you the skills to handle rejection, maybe even give you the confidence to try and counter the rejection with another try, unless of course the subject is married, is gay or has a boyfriend or is just not interested in you. Remember, the laws of attraction work both ways, so you might find her physically attractive but to her you might be…lets be kind…not her type.
Direct Goal Decision Questionnaire #2.
Again, this is a linear question process, where one question leads to the next.
1. What is my goal?
This might seem to be a trivial question, but let’s look at closer: Example; you have a job interview. You lack self confidence in succeeding in the interview. Just for your notice, there isn’t really a good or bad interview, interviews seek compatibility of the person to the resume and to the position. If the interviewer is only an HR lead, then it is preliminary and all you must do is convince the interviewer of your knowledge and social skills. If the interviewer is your boss to be, then you need to build chemistry (rapport) as well as convince them of your compatibility to the position. Which leads us to the next question.
2. Are you confident in your professional knowledge?
This question starts the crux of self-discovery, it leads us to more questions, the first of which is:
3. Am I confident?
Now here is a great question, which leads us to ask.
4. What is your professional experience and knowledge base?
Why is this question relevant, its relevant since it points us at your aptitude to apply for the position. Are you truly capable of performing all the tasks? Have you been in a similar position before? So, here is your next question:
5. If asked to speak about your work, can you?
Do you see where this is leading us? If you answer this with “I know what I do, I have years of experience, I am highly skilled in different key sectors relating to the job” then this is not an issue. However, if you are not so proficient then you should consider your application, or as in many cases, make a quick study of the missing skills and wing it. This leads us to the next question:
6. How comfortable are you when discussing work and social issues?
Comfort is an important factor, if you are comfortable answering questions about yourself and your profession then you will convey self-confidence and knowledge which is convincing. If not, then you will squirm and sweat and will generally not convey a good interview. Let’s move onto the next question:
7. How do I convey myself in the interview?
Good question, it’s extremely subjective. Dependent on the job you are going for, you need to dress accordingly, this means if you are going for a forklift driver job you don’t wear a suit and tie and if you are going for a Physicians job you do, but you rely on your contacts and peers, because in this instance its who you know that counts re than what you know. In some professions, the higher up the ladder in the organizational structure the less important what you know the more important whom you know. Whilst in others, your resume might be extremely impressive, so they will seek social compatibility, which is what the interview is more about. So, we ask the next question:
8. How do I know how I did?
You don’t. If it’s a knowledge based interview, it’s up to you to persuade them that you are the best there is. You cannot do more than that. Remember that many people are being interviewed for every job. Unless you have the contacts that give you higher assurance of attaining the position, your chances are truly based on your knowledge, experience and confidence in the interview. Just remember not to be cocky, no one likes a smart ass. Which leads us to the next question
9. What will happen if I am rejected?
Straight forward, how do you deal with rejection? Do you stay at home crying and eating ice cream whilst watching horror movies or do you immediately, or perhaps in conjunction with, continue to send out job applications? Which takes us to the next question.
10. What will happen if I am accepted?
Yippee, you’ve got through the first interview, it might be the only one or one of a set. The higher up the position usually requires more than one interview. However, if you passed your interview, it means you have succeeded in persuading your interviewer. Now it is up to you to either take the job or continue the process. Which leads us to the next question:
These are ten questions that lead you to a job interview. Notice that whilst answering the questions your confidence level has started to rise. After all, if you are aware that rejection is just another state in your life, which means you most probably shouldn’t take the job. (it’s their loss isn’t it!) Then you will continue the process until you finally get employment, or you might decide that in the meantime you will try to do some self-employment tasks which could lead to a more permanent state.
NLP will give you the tools to deal with confidence in an interview and how to deal with rejection. If by answering the questions your confidence has not yet improved, you will then use one of the many NLP techniques to change how you approach an interview.
Conclusions
NLP, emotional intelligence is the science or skill of knowing yourself and controlling others. It is not the same as IQ, which is about intelligence, you can be highly intelligent and totally emotionless or emotionally ignorant. Empathy is the ability to feel other emotions, it is a part of NLP. Self-awareness and meditation are tools taught by Far Eastern cultures and are also a part of NLP. Street smarts is a common name for someone that has a naturally high NLP.