NLP Essentials: Framing!

Have you worked with a camera in manual mode? You would have noticed how focusing on a particular point defines how the image is composed. You can either have a center focus or a focus along the periphery of the scene that is unfolding. And yet, anything that happens in the scene is pushed into oblivion once the image comes into existence. It is the representation of the moment which you captured and remains etched as "the representation" of that moment, there onwards.

Our apparatus for perception functions the same way as it does in a camera! Each experience or memory in our life is composed of a series of images, words, sounds, feelings, tastes and smells, that leave an association or an imprint on our brain, tricking us into believing that is how that moment in our life was.

If these imprints are memorable, then we relish recalling them over and over again. They give us zeal, zest, drive and motivation to keep going. But when these imprints are ones, we don't wish to recall - ones where it scars us or makes us shudder just at the thought of getting in touch with the feelings associated with that imprint, then we don't want to recall those over and over. Often, we suffer greatly because of these unwanted imprints.

I was working with a client whose experience in life has been that "I always struggle". Turn of events can go against us many times, and it can cause a sense of overwhelm and despair even. When this happens repeatedly, we tend to think that odds are stacked against us and there is no way that we can even breathe easily. The sense of the burden that one continues to carry, only multiplies when each instance that occurs heightens this belief - "I always struggle".

When looked at from another perspective though, there is no denying the experience this individual goes through each time, but I noticed that each time there has been a difficulty or a unsurmountable challenge, this individual actually prevailed. However, the sense of prevailing is diminished, or rather absent, in the face of the physical and mental drain that the "struggle" creates.

When I asked this individual "Have you noticed how you always prevail?", there was a pause, the head turned to the right, as if, seeing some kind of a timeline heading into the future. With some more work, the individual was able to notice that the point of focus was what happens when a difficult situation arises - and that point of focus accentuates the feelings of struggle. But when the point of focus shifted to when the difficult situation ends, there was realization that she had prevailed and overcome each difficulty that had come her way.

The change in focus, is what we call in Neuro-Linguistic Programming as a "reframe", that allows the context of an experience, be it in the past, present or future, to shift, causing our meaning of that situation, and its inherent association and imprint to alter as well.

In each moment, we experience life, as if it is a movie scene or an image. The image is quite large, so we naturally filter out a lot of details. And that depends on the frame that's set. Sometimes we set our frames before something happens - that can look like a bias or a presumption when it plays out. Or we can set a frame of an event "from now on" which also colors how we see that situation going forward. As long as these serve us it is fine, but when they don't, that's where the dysfunction can arise.

When you change the way, you are looking at something, that thing, which you are looking at, changes!

That thing, when looked at from a frame of "I always struggle" will seem difficult, something to avoid, something that drains you, and that you don't want to face at all. But when that thing is looked at from a frame of "I always prevail", there is a confidence, and a self-assurance that one can face any challenge or difficulty that comes along.

The frame "I always prevail", allowed my client to create a few new beliefs - "I'll run through anything that comes my way", "I am standing here and I can face anything".

Frames get set in an unconscious manner, when we aren't even aware this happens. So, reframing allows us to reset unwanted frames such that they allow us to flow through any situation with ease. Does the change in frame change the outcome? No and yes! The change in frame changes your outlook towards the situation, so it can potentially change the outcome. Even if the outcome doesn't go your way, the change in frame allows you to bounce back and recover from that. In the movie "3 Idiots", when Rancho asks his friend to say, "all is well" while tapping on his chest, his friend skeptically asks, "Will saying that help me pass the exam?" Rancho replies, "No - but it will give you the courage to face that, if it happens."

It is useful to recognize that frames are set no matter what.

• When you are tapped on the shoulder by your boss, who says, "Meet me in 5mins!"
• When your child says, "I don't want to study today."
• When your team member makes that same mistake again, despite being told many times.
• When you are sitting in the reception, waiting to be called in for the interview.
• When everyone else is watching how you respond, in a high-pressure situation.
• When a client asks an uncomfortable question in a quarterly review meeting.

You know how it feels instantly. That's the effect of the frame that set in by default. One simple way to break a default unhelpful frame and switch to a chosen helpful frame is to - pause, breathe and reflect on - "What got you to pick this up in the first place?" And you will notice there is a strong reason, motivation, drive that first got you to be there in the first place.

For each of the above, one could reflect and get in touch with:

• What got you hired in this job? Or why you joined this company?
• What do you want in this moment for your child?
• What value the person brings to your team?
• What made you want to apply for this job?
• What is the most exciting thing about your job?
• What makes you the best person to take care of this client's needs?

Reframing is about making a deliberate choice about the frame we want to see this situation from. Remember, we can focus on that what makes us nervous, or we can focus on that what got us excited to do this in the first place! One frame impacts performance adversely, while the other eases us to perform to our potential.

Frames are subtle and yet very powerful. The thing is - when we walk out of an optician's clinic with new prescription glasses, it isn't that the world has changed, but that our sight has improved. A change in frame does just that - the world doesn't change but the way we view the world, the situations and people within, change!

And all that it takes, is to shift the point of focus! And it takes no time for a frown, or a grimace or despair, to change into a smile, into pride and satisfaction!

(About the banner image: When a hunter-gatherer in the Kalahari Desert discovers a glass Coca Cola bottle dropped from an airplane the tribe believes it to be a gift from the Gods! The movie unravels further as the hunter-gatherer sets out to return the bottle to the Gods. The question to ask is "What fell from the sky?" To someone who knows what the bottle is, the answer is different, but what would the answer be, for a Kalahari hunter-gatherer, who has never come across something like this? The meaning we give to what we perceive, makes it seem like a gift from the Gods, or a regular classic Coca Cola bottle! And each dictate our behaviour differently!)

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My name is Nikhil Damle and I am an internationally certified NLP Trainer, a corporate workshop facilitator and a business coach.

I am keen that you pick up skills in Neuro Linguistic Programming as these are essential in everyday living and excellence. When applied and put to practice, these skills enhance your perception and ability to access a wider range of choices, emotions, inner states, your proficiency in a skill and eventually in your own performance and outcomes.

If investing in yourself, your own growth and creating fulfilment is important for you, then acquiring a full range of NLP skills, might be an option to consider. At Iridium Coaching and Learning , our courses are focused on delivering high quality NLP skills and depth of practice to each of our participants. There are open NLP courses for individuals, and customised offerings for organisations.

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