The "Nivea Scent" Women who made this Man!

On 27th February 2024, I had an opportunity to attend the Palo Alto Networks Women in Cybersecurity event hosted by Palo Alto Networks women leaders in Barcelona in the whimsical Banksy museum #MuseoBanksy. Thank you to Patricia Murphy for inviting me and to the PANW women in cyber who hosted this event and were part of it.

It was such a fantastic event at the end of a long day. It was motivational, inspirational, and packed with learnings and takeaways to be a better person. Debra Searle MVO MBE's inspiring story of unmatched resilience resonated so deeply. It reminded me of my life stories about two women who have played an instrumental role in my life, and I am sharing them with you.

Story #1 - 10th pass

It's the early 1960s in Pune, a city in India. A young girl, born in a family of 6 (4 brothers and two sisters), is in high school. She has a loving, supportive, progressive father and mother who live well within their means—a lower-middle-class but extremely happy, proud, and caring family. One day, she comes home from school and hears her father talking with his dear friend. The friend is distraught and inconsolable. His recently married daughter has been unceremoniously sent back to her maternal home by her in-laws. She hears her father console his friend somehow. As the friend leaves, this young girl in high school walks up to her father and says, I will no longer go to college. Instead, I will learn practical skills that will help me get a job before I turn 18. Her young mind rationale - I never want to be in this situation where I cannot stand alone. Her entire family is stunned, but she is determined. She never goes to college; instead, she pursues courses in typewriting in 2 languages (Marathi and English). She secured her first job in the state government office, spent 30 years in service, and retired as a head typist. She experiences personal, cultural, and communal biases throughout her career but marches on. She falls in love, gets married, has two boys, and runs her home but only quits her job once she retires till her boys have made it on their own with equal dexterity. She inculcates discipline and love and ensures her two sons always know "what it means to be a woman" throughout their formative years and to this day. She's fearless - her husband passes, but she decides to continue living on her terms with a beaming smile that crosses her now creased forehead and face.

This girl, now in her 80s, is my mom.

Story #2 - Family first

A young girl in her teens in the early 90s. A daughter of a high school teacher and an entrepreneur father. A national-level swimmer in India, a top student with an advanced master's degree in finance & commerce, has a great job and line of sight to a high-flying career. She falls in love, gets married, and continues her studies to earn that coveted Chartered Accountant (CA) degree (an ultra-competitive and challenging degree). In her 2nd year of marriage, she gets pregnant and has a boy. Her husband is in the early stages of his career and spends most of his time at work. She decides to quit and chooses to be a homemaker. Her husband is unsure; she lovingly but firmly communicates - "you are fairly useless at home, but that's okay; I am here for both of you and our families and our community." She provides unmeasurable support to her husband so he can focus on building his career, always telling him, "As long as there is Varan Bhat (In Marathi, which means food on the plate), we will be fine." Her husband has asked her regularly over the years if she wants to get back into the corporate world; she's steadfast and never wavers from her decision. She enjoys partaking in the life journey of raising her growing son molded with her own hands, her tender but firm voice, with discipline, with love, and with respect. At the top of her value chain - Learn, respect, and regard every woman who comes across your lifetime, no matter what. "What a woman goes through in her journey is something a man can never grasp. You can only try to understand and understand you must, and let me add, never take me for granted". That's what she always says. She constantly pushes her son on as he grows while contributing and giving back to her community at the same time. Nurturing, affectionate, understanding, strict but forgiving, always opinionated about her views and ensuring they are heard (almost always correct). With her son, now grown into a fine young adult, in college, earning a degree, she's let her entrepreneurial and community spirit flourish with a steadfast focus on giving back to the community as much as possible. She never considers that decision a missed opportunity at that crossroads. That decision is something she's proud of and shows in her gleaming eyes as she wraps her family in loving arms. Her husband, being a jerk sometimes, continuously learns retroactively from her.

This girl, now a fine middle-aged woman, is my wife.