The Night is Dark and Full of Terrors

by Dale Grant

During the first three and a half years of my son’s life, I was summoned to his room at all hours of the night for just about every reason you could think of. There was the 2 AM wake-up to inform me that he had elbows—a crucial discovery, apparently. Then there was the midnight call because he “forgot what my shirt looked like.” Other times, he just needed an encore performance of me butchering Green Day’s “Time of Your Life.”

But the hardest nights? The ones where he didn’t call for us at all. The nights when we were jolted awake by his screams, with no “Daddy” or “Mommy” following. These were the nights when he was gripped by night terrors.

Now, night terrors might sound like a synonym for nightmares, but they’re in a league of their own. According to the Mayo Clinic, “Sleep terrors are episodes of screaming, intense fear, and flailing while still asleep. Also known as night terrors, sleep terrors often are paired with sleepwalking. Like sleepwalking, sleep terrors are considered a parasomnia — an undesired occurrence during sleep.”

So what did this look like? Picture this: Our son would start crying. We would rush into his room to find him sitting straight up in bed. His eyes were open, but he wasn’t really awake. He continued crying, refusing his beloved stuffed animals, and rejecting any comfort we tried to offer. He would retreat to the corner, unresponsive, inconsolable. You could feel his terror and see the disorientation etched across his face. These episodes could last a few minutes or sometimes, an excruciating eternity longer.

It was gut-wrenching to witness that kind of raw fear in your child and not be able to do a damn thing about it. To reach out to him only to have him pull away, running to the safety of the corner, screaming. After one particularly intense episode on Christmas Eve, my wife and I held each other and cried when we finally got him to calm down. Less than an hour later, we were back in his room for round two. That night, I ended up sleeping on his floor, the lights on, with my son in my arms, hoping to keep the terror at bay.

So, who gets night terrors? According to KidsHealth.org, “Night terrors are relatively rare—they happen in only 3%–6% of kids, while almost every child will have a nightmare occasionally. Night terrors usually happen in kids between 4 and 12 years old, but have been reported in babies as young as 18 months. They seem to be a little more common among boys.”

Night terrors are often triggered by an interrupted sleep schedule. In our son’s case, his Christmas Eve episode was likely caused by the overstimulation of the day. Nap time got pushed for an early church service, and Christmas Eve at his grandparents’ was a whirlwind of holiday excitement, followed by a later-than-usual bedtime.

One of the hardest parts of these night terrors was the feeling of helplessness. There wasn’t much we could do until our son came out of it. Waking him up wasn’t recommended, as it could make him more disoriented and prolong the episode. The best thing we could do was stay patient and keep him safe until it passed. Prevention, like sticking to a consistent sleep schedule, was much more effective than trying to end a night terror once it had started.

Believe it or not, there was a silver lining to these terrifying episodes: when our son came out of them, he had no memory of what had just happened. He didn’t recall his dreams or that he’d been screaming in sheer panic for the last half hour. Shortly after it was over, he was back to being his happy, giggling little goofball self again. It was much worse for us than it was for him.

Thankfully, my son is 8 years old and, knock on wood, hasn’t had a night terror in years. While I’m grateful that he doesn’t remember this turbulent time in his life, I will never forget that feeling of helplessness.

There are plenty of resources online if you want to learn more about night terrors, but if your child is consistently experiencing them, it’s always a good idea to consult your pediatrician.