NIGERIA'S CALL OBEY!

At this point, I believe I deserve to be awarded the Member of the Order of the Niger (MON) because the level of defense I have been engaging in for Nigeria has earned my selection. Haba, Nigerians, what did you do to the rest of Africa and even the world? You see, for the longest time, I always get the smirk and side eyes when I tell people I am Nigerian but this time around, it is way different. Everyone has the juiciest stories about Nigerians. Na only you dey Africa?

Imagine learning about the AFCON final results from the screams and celebrations on the streets. At first, I thought it was Nigeria that won because after all, we are the Giants of Africa. So tell me why their happiness was from our loss. In their words on Twitter, if Nigeria wins, the whole world will not rest. You need to see the way I started explaining why our cruise should not be taken seriously. My project defense in school did not even get the best of me. I AM TIRED but I volunteer to write a letter of apology on our behalf.?

Dear World,?

HASTE NOT IMPATIENCE

The first complaint I have heard is that Nigerians are impatient. Wait, Sir, it is just ingrained swiftness and not impatience because how do you chase after a bus at 5 am, have a shower of saliva from the Bus Conductor's pie hole, and expect to be normal. Noooooo, we do not scream, we just love to exercise our larynx in preparation to shout "O YA O" when you are taking your sweet time in getting tasks done. You think we have something against you? Not at all, our faces are just perpetually squeezed because we are our own sunscreen, blocking the rays from the hot Lagos sun that has been sent by our ancestors to punish us for not defending our nation enough.

You believe we run for fun? No, Ma'am, we just need to activate our Usain Bolt because opportunities for two people in your country are about the survival of the fittest here. The fittest being one out of a thousand individuals. So, maybe you should be more generous before you stereotype our HASTE for IMPATIENCE. There is really no time to check time.

ASSERTION NOT AGGRESSION

Ladies and gentlemen, take that back. Nigerians are not in any way aggressive. How can you say that? Please, our voices are a tad elevated when we feel slighted or notice an affront. Excuse me, we do not know how to beat around the bush... we have replaced our forests with 3-storey buildings so let us cut to the chase and call a spade a spade. Are you ready to work or do you want to chit-chat?

We are screaming? No, please, our native languages come with a loudspeaker, so what you confuse for aggression is just the echoes that rear their heads when we speak. Lest I forget, we really do not know how to pander to people, that is uncharacteristic of us. We say it as it is to avoid touching stories when you mistake appreciation for love. And yes, we understand English - the said and the unsaid so we know when you are being sarcastic - our replies are coordinated. By the way, I hope you realize that we do not know how to CHEW OUR WORDS, we grew up swallowing Fufu, Eba, Amala, and the likes. So, do not expect us to back down when we know our rights which leads me to the last one.

CONFIDENCE NOT PRIDE

The only thing left for a typical Nigerian to fear itself is FEAR. We walk in the valley of the shadows of an unguaranteed tomorrow... and you think we will lurk around in some silhouettes because we need to tilt towards the definition of perfection. No, we do not know how to be silent in the face of oppression because we understand how silence can be mistaken for consent, so, with our mother tongue interference and all, we will speak. We will speak clearly because our mothers said our mouths are for the truth and not for decoration.

You see, we are not afraid to fail; we understand it is an event, not our definition. So pardon our tenacity; it is inbuilt and programmed to come to the fore when push becomes shove. We also acknowledge our mistakes, perfection is an illusion.

IN CONCLUSION,

Well, I am not going to pretend we are not a handful sometimes, but you know it is not right to throw the baby with the bathwater. Most definitely, call out the bad eggs amongst us; we will join you to do the same but do not lump a thousand together for one person's offense. For a second, imagine a world without Nigerians. You got scared for a bit? Exactly! We love you as much as you love us, and we promise to keep working on our shortcomings while we remain your favorite GIANT OF AFRICA.

TOODLES!

Sincerely,

Adeola Adefemi