Be nice until it’s time to not be nice…..

By Keith Dale, Sr. Executive Instructor, Arizona Tactical Defense Training Institute

Be nice until it’s time to not be nice….. and then be very not nice as fast and efficiently as you can. General Mattis said, “Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet”. While our focus is on self-defense in an Urban Theater (not a Military Theater) and it’s a great line, how might it apply to you?

Are you too nice for too long?

Basically, we all need to be ready. We need to train and practice. We need to have a plan, and to be aware of what is going on around us. If you are in that undeniable life and death defensive scenario, you may need to act fast and brutally. Society has taught us to be nice and polite since we were children. Often times with an emphasis on girls rather than boys (not meant to be gender bashing, but reflecting historical and cultural norms). It is rare that parents teach their children not to be nice.

Have you ever had a bad feeling about somebody, with that “spidey sense” going off, but you let them approach anyway because you didn’t want to appear rude? Have you ever opened your door to strangers so they can use your phone, sell you something, etc.? What if that person wanted to harm you (unfortunately, this happens) ?

If you had let them into your home or to enter your personal space, you gave them an advantage. It’s OK, to call out to somebody walking toward you, tell them to stop and ask them what they want. You can be polite, professional and assertive at the same time. If you are uncomfortable or unsure, it’s OK to say no and “STAY BACK”.

If that person continues coming towards you, elevate your level of awareness and readiness. If they have ignored your direct instruction to stop, get loud ! Repeat your commands to “STOP, DO NOT COME NEAR ME !”. If they still aren’t listening, then take action as needed and appropriate to the situation. That might be a violent reaction in defense of your life.

Think of this. I am a big scary looking guy. I stand 6’4”, have a beard and visible tattoos. I know how I can appear, so I don’t approach women in parking lots or at night, I don’t make large arm movements around them. I avoid asking for directions or the time, because I don’t want to mistakenly frighten anyone. That’s how a good guy thinks. Unfortunately, not everyone is of the same mindset, and appearances can be misleading.

How to be not nice

Now let’s talk about the not nice part in a bit more detail. It can mean loud, direct verbal commands, similar to the previous examples, or in that life or death scenario, it might mean a violent self-defense action. If the time comes for you to protect yourself from imminent and significant personal harm or death, be violent (not nice), don’t hesitate, don’t go easy, don’t hold back. There is no such thing as a fair fight when you will either live or die. Do not feel bad about hitting the groin, gouging eyes, ripping ears off, tearing nostrils, breaking digits. If your life depends on it, you want to fight with everything you have and stop the attack. If I am in a fight, I will bite, kick, scratch, use my keys, rocks, my firearm, whatever I have at hand. I want to survive and prevail and you should too. Give yourself permission to not be nice. Give yourself permission to be brutal and devastating against those who try to harm you. Give yourself permission to do whatever it takes to survive. This may be difficult, because of the way we were raised (think “programmed”) and the expectations of society. However, criminals know this and they take advantage of it.

Think of it this way, you didn’t start the trouble. You were just living life, going about your day (or night), and minding your own business. Your attacker injected themselves into your life and introduced a significant threat. Their intent could extend beyond significant injury to the potential for taking your life.

In closing, ask yourself what you would do in the life or death scenario ? Also ask yourself, how would you react when your or your family’s life is in jeopardy ? What if you were not there to protect them, and a similar scenario involved your children ? How could you teach them to always be polite and respectful, but also to be aware. And, how can you teach them to react with an appropriate response ?

-         Stay Aware, Stay Smart and Stay Safe

-         Adapt, Overcome, Prevail

Note: the article title was not meant to infringe upon or plagiarize a line from the movie "Roadhouse".