Nice Try! But Remember, Everything Counts When You Are Trying To Get Me To Give You My Money!

I've written a lot about some of the worst email practices and cold email practices this year.

Some of the emails I have seen this year have been atrocious!

Some of the emails have been just misguided.

Some of them have been short sighted in the destruction that they do the brand.

And, some of them have had no redeeming value.

But the key idea that I hope that I have offered up over the year is that you can't just mail it in when you expect people to give you money. There is so much crappy marketing, sales, and leadership advice that you can stand out by being just a little bit better than crap.

That's a pretty sad statement, but true.

The bar is set really, really, really low!

That brings me to the holiday email from the American Airlines Center in Dallas. A place that we have visited a few times to learn how to be better email marketers and salespeople.

And, since I have been in the middle of writing about their emails pretty regularly, makes me likely to get a few of their emails sent to me from my clients.

Let's check it out:

What do you all think?

Much improved from some of the previous emails that they have sent out this year.

What works here?

A nice headline: Celebrate the holidays in style!

Well played. That's relevant and specific.

In the first paragraph, they do a better job of staying to one specific ask. Let's talk about entertaining around the holidays!

That's good.

One of the first rules of consumer behavior is if you give them too many choices, they will usually decide to go with none of the above.

The fact is that buyer fatigue is a real concept and a real problem in sales. That's why salespeople will never go away. Because people still need to be guided on a buying journey.

The rest of the email sort of loses steam and falls back into the trap of being a little lazy and doing things that will ultimately devalue the product in the consumers' mind.

Things like the milquetoast or non-exist call to action that directs people to a generic email box.

People do business with other people. So why not have the email go to a specific person? Why not give a specific person's phone number?

Another issue here is that there is too much emphasis placed on features, not benefits.

Again, take yourself out of your own head a little bit and the amenities that you think are such a big selling point are likely irrelevant to many of your premium buyers.

I've sat in several suites all over the country and can I really differentiate any of them as being nice or making much of a difference?

Not really.

You know what I do remember about all of my suite experiences, the people and the game.

Do I remember if the seat was leather or not?

No!

I'm betting I'm in the majority there. So emphasize that which is likely to be really meaningful.

The other big issue, to me, is the need to have to emphasize limited availability over and over and over again.

You know what that sounds like to me?

A lie.

Desperation!

If you have a limited availability, you don't have to emphasize that over and over.

Hell, it might not even be relevant at all.

But one thing you want to do is be much more oblique in your messaging of the availability of your offering. Sure, limit the time frame, limit the offering, but be careful about offering up your stuff in a way that makes it seem like its wishful thinking.

But the biggest issue here: check your spelling and grammar and make sure you put the correct email in the body of the email.

If you look through the email, there is some grammatical and formatting errors that could easily be fixed.

But hone in on the email address and ask yourself something: does that email address look like its missing a letter to you too?

How can you expect someone to expect to reach you if you they don't have the right email address?

OMG!

After researching the situation further, I see that if you misspell the URL in that way, it does redirect you to the AAC's website, and I'm not 100% sure if it does that with the emails as well.

The larger issue is: spell check your damn emails! Check the grammar! Double check it! Triple check it!

Now, let's tidy this thing up a little bit.

Headline: CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAYS WITH A ONE OF A KIND EXPERIENCE!

Are you still searching for a one of a kind holiday event to celebrate your team?

Why not give them an evening that is guaranteed to be unique?

The Dallas Stars and American Airlines Center have done all of the planning for you! Your holiday party at AAC comes complete with:

• A world class in-suite dining menu from Executive Chef Mark Mabry.
• Spacious rooms so that your guests have a chance to watch the game, talk to their co-workers and colleagues, and celebrate the holiday season.
• A selection of Stars merchandise, so everyone feels like part of the team!

This holiday season, let the Stars handle the logistics. Give me a call today and let's get your team in the game!

Dave Wakeman

[email protected]

(555) 555-5555

What did we do here?

First, we tightened up the message. I know from having written millions of words, white space sells.

Make the note or email easy to scan and easy to read.

If it is difficult, you are likely to see your response rate drop tremendously.

Second, we sold the benefits of partnering with the Stars on a holiday celebration.

How much better is a "world class menu" over "delicious food and beverage packages"?

"Spacious rooms" versus "groups from 18 to 50."

And, the selection of merchandise is a really good way to upsell your suite package in a way that generates more revenue while you make your guest feel like you are doing them a solid.

Finally, I gave them a specific CTA to a specific person.

What do you think?

Which email do you prefer?