Nice People Finish First

In the wake of Dave Goldberg’s sudden passing (CEO of Survey Monkey and Sheryl Sandberg’s husband), we’ve witnessed a genuine and more than warranted outpouring of appreciation for Dave’s generous and kind spirit. Journalists, friends, colleagues, competitors and politicians alike have celebrated his leadership and reputation for being a genuinely good person. Paul Ollinger, a friend and former employee of Dave’s recently wrote in his tribute on LinkedIn, “The best and brightest wanted to work for Dave because he was so freaking smart but also a genuinely good guy.”

Dave’s legacy is one of intelligence, hard work, compassion, humor, friendship, fairness and warmth. No wonder he was so successful (and loved). I was lucky enough to meet Dave very early in my career when Launch and AOL negotiated a strategic partnership. I was the AOL Music Biz Dev lead and he was the co-founder of this killer tech and music start-up. I do remember him as an authentic, reasonable and kind human being and I’m grateful for even the short time I knew him.

As I’ve sought to find my own identity as a leader, I’ve often wondered how much of the real me to reveal. How open is too open? Do my colleagues take me seriously enough? Would I climb the ladder faster if I were more intimidating? I mean, even the Washington Post published an article with the headline, “Why Bullies Succeed at Work.” Maybe Michael from “The Office” has it right: “Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

Not so fast Mr. and Ms. Intimidator. Turns out research proves Dave Goldberg and many other kind leaders right. A recent Harvard Business Review (HBR) piece, The Hard Data on Being Nice, revealed that “leaders who project warmth – even before establishing their competence – are more effective than those who lead with their toughness and skill. Why? One reason is trust. Employees feel greater trust with someone who is kind.” The article goes on to talk about higher productivity, greater job satisfaction through stress reduction and lower healthcare costs. Kindness is indeed critical to achievement and success. Nice guys and gals can win out in the end so long as their organization inspires a culture and values reflective of compassionate leadership, transparency, collaboration, accountability, integrity and simply put, a no a*hole rule.

I aspire to a leadership legacy of kindness, authenticity and achievement. I’ve been mentored by some incredibly kind and effective bosses along the way, all of whom have enjoyed professional success beyond their wildest dreams. More proof points. But benevolence wasn’t always the norm. I joined LinkedIn in 2012 from a heritage of unfriendly work environments. I wasn’t quite sure how to adjust to the kindness and normalcy I experienced at LinkedIn. I remember feeling self-conscious the first time I worked with one of our senior executives on a strategic deal. I was qualified to lead the negotiation but decided to tread lightly since a misstep could mean a harsh reprimand (once burned, twice shy). To my great relief, I quickly learned that reason and thoughtfulness ruled the day; the executive encouraged me to lead and reassured me he would be there should I trip on a landmine. Just one example of LinkedIn’s core value of Compassionate Leadership which actually means compassionate leadership.

 Emma Seppala, the author of the HBR piece, and Associate Director for the Center of Altruism and Compassion Research at Stanford University, reminds us that compassionate leadership and kindness are tough to define let alone codify. It’s subjective and in some cases, personal. Nonetheless, I’m giving it a go. As I continue to evolve my leadership identity and ultimately my legacy, I’m thinking about some things worthy of my attention and development:

• Inspiration through example. If I set a certain excellence standard for my team, I need to live up to those same expectations.
• Authenticity with respect. Be yourself but recognize and get comfortable with your and your colleagues’ professional boundaries.
• Compassion by walking a mile. I mean it. Consider the other person first and foremost in communication, requests for resources and negotiations.
• Humility through recognition of others. Take a moment to experience how others are contributing to your success. It’s pretty remarkable.
• Accountability via follow through. Do what you say you’re going to do.
• Integrity through transparency. Honest communication is the clear path to credibility and inspiring compassion.
• Stay present, full stop. A hard one for the multi-tasker culture but stay in the conversation, make eye contact and listen.

As business cultures evolve and we are encouraged to be more self-aware, my bet is on good people. Bullies represent anachronistic leadership principles and are less and less the norm. Our memories of Dave Goldberg and leaders like him have a lasting impression. We’d all rather be remembered for being genuinely good than genuinely malevolent.

But maybe I’m too optimistic? Do you think bullies finish first? Does kindness matter at work? Tell me what you think, but in a nice way.