Next Time You’re Ready to Explode, Try Laughing. Seriously.

A few months ago, my 9-year-old was groaning on the couch complaining of a stomach ache, the house was decorated in crumpled laundry, the dishes were piling up, and my two-year-old was screaming at the top of his lungs that he wanted frozen blueberries (not blackberries!).

I could feel Mount St. Helens getting ready to blow?when I looked over and saw a white mixing bowl.

I put the mixing bowl on my head and blurted out, “Where’d everybody go?” My 2-year-old — on the verge of a meltdown — erupted in a belly laugh and (of course) wanted to wear it on his head, too (“Where’d everybody go?”).

That night there was a need for a cathartic release of energy, but it (gratefully) happened through laughter not yelling, and it completely reset the emotional tone.?The evening went from tense to manageable and the strong emotions were discharged in a way that didn’t leave a trail of crying in its wake.

Occasionally feeling like you’re about to explode is normal. Feeling like you have a choice in that moment isn’t.

Yelling vs. Laughing

When the pressure starts to build and it feels like there’s no other option than to let out a primal scream, consider the possibility that laughing might actually be a?substitute?for yelling.

Laughing definitely eases the tension — in fact, some scientists believe this may be one of laughter’s primary functions.?(Have you ever noticed when the room gets tense, that it’s not uncommon for someone to crack a joke and put everyone at ease?) So instead of thinking of laughing as something you do just for fun, laughter can also be thought of as a tool — a go-to option in a difficult moment.

On top of that, laughter is better for you than you think. Laughter has been shown to reduce cortisol, the very thing that’s giving you that feeling of rising tension. According to science writer Catherine Price,

“Laughter reduces levels of cortisol and an accompanying stress hormone, adrenaline…Laughter also releases endorphins” (The Power of Fun , p. 103–104).

Yelling can also create a cathartic release of energy.?But it often creates downstream problems such as saying things we didn’t mean, hurting others’ feelings, or, occasionally, dropping an emotional A-bomb, where everyone just walks away, knowing that the emotional radiation needs to clear before anyone can reengage.

While it’s perfectly natural in a heated moment to want to yell, there’s incredible power in realizing that laughter is also an option. Admittedly, this is easier with young kids. But adults, desperate for a little relief in the heat of the moment, can also experience laughter as the soothing balm of reconnection.

(A word of caution: not everyone appreciates laughter in the heat of the moment. So if it’s not a fit, don’t force it.)

The Reset Effect

Building on laughter, but expanding that into the power of positive emotions in general, Dr. Barbara Fredrickson writes,

“What may be surprising is that you have a hidden “reset” button for these spikes in blood pressure: your own positive emotions. Good feelings not only flush out bad feelings, they also quiet your heart and quickly bring your blood pressure back to normal” (Positivity ,?p. 104).

This “reset” button is like a stress neutralizer. It brings us back from the brink to a calmer, more emotionally regulated state. We feel good again. Mount St. Helens didn’t blow. We’re back to homeostasis.

So positive emotions aren’t only good for us?in general, they’re good for us?exactly in those stress-filled moments?when the air feels so thick you could cut it with a knife. Dr. Fredrickson goes on,

“I’ve called this the ‘undo effect’ of positive emotions…This is your hidden reset button. You can hardly stop your heart from beating faster and harder when you face stress and negativity. But, with positivity, you can rein in those reactions and regain a calm heart” (Positivity ,?p. 105).

This is exactly what happened with the white mixing bowl. Once my 2-year-old and I were laughing,?I felt a visceral drop in my blood pressure and my ability to manage the stress of the situation changed.?The feeling went from “I’m gonna lose it” to “I’ve got this.”

So next time you feel like your own dormant volcano is going to blow,?just remember that volcanoes don’t necessarily?need?to erupt.?Sometimes a good laugh releases just enough steam that you’ll forget what you were stressed about in the first place.

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Also published on the?Brain by Design blog and?in?Better Humans ?on February 13, 2023.