Newsletter #12 - Understanding of Emotions

For today's Newsletter, I want to start with gratitude.

I am grateful to Ashi Singhal , the founder of this beautiful venture HeyEmotions , if it wasn't for her, this Newsletter might have never been written.

Let's start!

I’ve lost count of the times when I’ve heard people saying “I’m emotionally weak.” "I am too emotional" or even "I don't have any emotions."

(The latter one is the most ridiculous of all)

Today and from this day onwards, let these statements serve as a reminder.

A reminder that when we, as a society, fail to understand and accept the nuances of a construct, the first step we take is to declare that construct as some weakness to have or something to be afraid of.

The world of emotions has been the victim of same societal functioning.

Hence today, it's time to debunk the labels around emotions which have been normalized.

Now let’s begin busting the labels that we use to describe our relationship with emotions.

“I’m too emotional.”

“I’m emotionally weak.”

“Emotions make me weak.”

“I can’t handle my emotions.”

“My emotions always get the best of me.”

"I am emotional less"

Have you ever said any of the above statements to yourself or to others? Have you heard someone else using such statements?

Yes?

Like above, there are numerous statements that are commonly used to describe one’s relationship with emotions. More often than not, these statements project misconceptions and fears about emotions.

Do these statements convey any truth?

Yes, they do.

The truth of our lack of awareness in and about emotions.

Emotions and the ways of managing them were not taught to us in school.

While growing up, not many of us were provided the understanding to identify and manage emotions by our parents and caretakers.

The social circles we share today are as clueless about emotions as we are.

So we end up modeling behavior that encompasses either reacting to emotions in unhealthy ways or suppressing them like they never existed.

Over time, this behavior becomes a part of our personality. And we start identifying ourselves with beliefs such as:

“I’m too emotional.”

“I’m emotionally weak.”

“Emotions make me weak.”

“I can’t handle my emotions.”

“My emotions always get the best of me.”

Or

It can go on the other end of the spectrum, where we start using labels as,

"I don't feel anything"

"I don't have emotions"

"I am too practical to have emotions"

Etc.

As hard as it may be to accept, the truth is:

Regardless of what we were taught or not taught, it’s our responsibility to remodel our behaviors that are built not on hate or fear towards emotions but on a curious outlook towards them.

Then only we can arrive at a stage where we can look beyond the discomfort that the terms “emotionally weak” or “too emotional” stir in us and discover the insights for living a happier, more peaceful, and successful life.

The first step begins with understanding,

We are not rational creatures that have emotions. Instead, we are emotional creatures that rationalize.

Let it sink in, if you may.

The very thing that we keep despising (aka our emotions) is our innateness.

And our innateness can never be our weakness.

To reiterate, no one is emotionally weak or emotionless.

However, it is true that some people feel much more intensely than others. This makes them emotionally sensitive but NOT emotionally weak.

When you feel everything intensely, it can be difficult to maneuver through emotions and feelings. It’s this difficulty to manage emotions that gives an impression of being weak.

It’s like labeling a power as a “weakness” because we don’t understand or know how to use that power.

Being “emotionally sensitive” is power itself.

It allows you to empathize with others’ pain. It makes you more intuitive, and more creative and enables you to deeply appreciate all the little things. It makes your inner life vivid and brings keen awareness to your life.

When you don't know how to harness and use this power of emotional sensitivity healthily, it can cause trouble. Henceforth, instead of taking it as a strength, you may start taking it as a weakness that you wish to get rid of.

Does it ring a bell? You may have seen the exact story being lived by a beloved Marvel superhero.

*Hint: Angry and color green

When we think of emotions as a weakness or obstacles that we’d rather like to avoid, we miss the purpose of their existence.

What’s their purpose? – you may wonder.

Our emotions exist to give us information about the world and ourselves.

“I’m too emotional” simply means “I’m caught up in an overflow of information that my emotions are trying to convey and I don’t know how to make sense out of this information.”

Once you learn to manage this overflow, the term “too emotional” loses the negative connotation with which it’s commonly used.

It no longer remains a berating, shaming, or snarky term. Rather it becomes an indicator of one’s emotional state – one that’s neither positive nor negative.

The more we keep diving deeper into emotions, the more we keep discovering that emotions are not our enemies but more like a best friend.

Like a best friend, our emotions stick by us even when things get tough. Like a best friend, our emotions don’t abandon us.

Like a best friend, they bring to our attention what we need to know. In fact, the more important that information is for us, the more insistently our emotions summon us.

Our emotions are always there offering us their friendship. It’s we who struggle to befriend them. Why?

Because we don’t have faith in our emotions. We doubt their intent.

This makes it even harder to gratefully accept the gifts that our emotions bring.

The gift of information. The gift of knowledge. The gift of guidance.

The gift that no counselor, teacher, parent, or priest can give us.

Your emotions are a song written only for you.?

Your job is to listen.?

Next time, when you feel something and get uncomfortable, rather than labeling yourself as “emotionally weak”, “too emotional,” or "numbing your feelings",?start wondering:

What information is this “emotion” trying to give me?

What exactly would it like me to change?

What have I been ignoring for so long?

Welcome to the much-waited section,

Question of the week

Last week's question was,

What is the most important thing money can buy?

It's not the first time I am answering this question. Once upon a time, this was my favourite question to ask people.

I always love asking one question to a lot of people and then seeing how differently each individual thinks and perceives this world.

I have had the privilege of getting answers from many people and it ranged from "luxury" to "Experience" to buying a place where no one can disturb me. (lol)

I used to think, the most important thing money can buy is time, if I have more money I can use that money to do all the things that I don't want to do, and only do things that I want to do.

But now I think, there is something more important and even better than that.

The most important thing money can help with is to raise your level of consciousness, (because what is that you ultimately want) which reminds me of numerous books, meditation workshops, and courses, I have done.

All of these have helped me to become more peaceful and in control of what I really want to do. Which is making me think of all the money I have invested in myself. (Quiet a lot)

Basically, the best thing money can buy you is peace and happiness, however, money itself cannot give you that.

Money is an excellent "means" Goal and a terrible "END" goal.

Question for the next week,

What's the best thing you can give to someone?

Book of the Week

This week, rather than sharing about a "book", I am going to share a little about how my reading journey started,

It was 2017, and after spending so much time on Quora I learned that there are two things common among all?highly successful people.

1.) They all have undergone multiple failures in life.

2.) They all read books.

After learning that the first thing I did was,

I uninstalled Quora from my phone. (lol)

But thankfully, I started reading 'books.'

I have always been a very restless child and then a restless adult, I never liked staying indoors, I would always choose to go out and roam or play any sport.

Reading was not my cup of tea. (This was the story I was telling myself)

But learning the importance of it and not having much else to do in my life(yeah right), I started reading and I absolutely fell in love with it.

What has always worked for me to read consistently is that I mostly read about the things that I find very very interesting. Things that I am curious to learn more about.

If you are curious enough and you have a growth mindset, you will fall in love with "Reading"

Books have changed my life in so many different ways, it is so hard for me to even comprehend that.

More about that in the next Newsletter.

Love and Cheers