NEWS! My coming book in Norway - My journey with the feared Barnevernet and the lack of resources for children and parents with LABELS (conditions)

Despite how much I love Norway and my Norwegian friends, there is a flaw in the system, that is causing pain for parents all across the country. And I am going to tell it like it is because that is my style, without holding back. With testimonials from the industry itself and the parents affected. The main focus is parents with "labels" and children with "labels", how they are affected by the lack of resources, and how Barnevernet tries to handle the situation with very mixed results.

This is not another "I hate Barnevernet" letter, actually, we have gotten a lot of help from them because of the lack of resources to aid children with special needs and parents with conditions.

* Worst case scenario and what so many critique Barnevernet about in this video

How it all started with my son Nicolas

My son was born one month too early, and the Doctor told us it might have effects that might be visible years after, and we there are also labels in our families, so I thought I was prepared for everything.

But little did I know, how it would manifest, and it all started with mood-swings and outbursts, that I thought in the beginning was "cute", he was as determined as his father was.

As he was turning five, the outbursts became bigger and more often, and I was experiencing lack of D-vitamin for the third year in a row, that made me so tired and slow. And on top of that my wife has a chronicle back pain condition. We came to a peak when he had about eight outbursts per year, throwing things, screaming and crying.

I came to the kindergarten one day and I felt that my whole world was falling apart, so I told one of the people working there; - I am drowning, we need help now.

We were called to a meeting and they told me;

You will probably not get help right now from the Child Psychology Agency, your son is too young for them to do a study on him, and we then suggest we send you to Barnevernet.

I got pissed off and went on them, as I do when I get pissed oft, and I told them very firmly, I do know who is Barnevernet and I think it is not their responsibility to do so. My children are not in such dysfunctional situation they need a Children Police Team to come in here.

We talked back and forward and in the end I accepted to make a try, despite that my wife was very hostile to the idea, regarding the bad reputation Barnevernet has amongst immigrants and many Norwegians in general, to not, not everyone is negative.

Working with Barnevernet

At least they did something right here, they informed the agency I was not so convinced, so the leader of the department took a meeting with us, and I made my case and I told me to give it a shoot, that it was not all that bad.

So I went with it, and we got three people to work with, that I felt truly cared for our situation. We went through COS (Circle of Security), we worked on our routines that had fallen apart and me and Pam worked in improving our relation. So far so good.

I really changed my perspective after COS, and it helped me a lot to aid my child, and we also got a lot of support handling our case with NAV that did not give my partner sick leave money when COVID came crashing almost the system down.

When we wrapped up the whole session with them, that lasted more than a year, I have to say, I felt that Barnevernet delivered to us 5 out of 5.

Despite that, my son still needed to come to the actual agency we most of all needed help with, to find out what conditions he might be suffering from. Most people told me, most probably ADHD/Autism.

Nicolas starting school

My worst fear came true as Nicolas started school, the bullying started.

Almost everyday I went to pick up from after school, either some of his clothes was missing, or something has trashed his things in his bag, I addressed this with the staff of course but not much happened. Top one day a boy was holding his hair and kicking him hard, then I snapped, I let the boy know that it was not accepted, I demanded a meeting with the school and I let them know where I stand.

The parents where actually the ones took the problem in control by creating friends group after school, so simple solution, let the children play in safe environments and that was it, now my son was getting friends.

Now some month or so ago, it all started again, at the same time a parent had sent a letter to Barnevernet complaining maybe we were not parents. Now I snapped totally and sent a message to all parents my son played with, to let them know my saying, no one admitted of course.

The second round with Barnevernet

I had not what so ever fear as many parents having to deal with Barnevernet in Norway because of the positive outcome the last time. But this time it was new people, so I felt almost we had to start over.

The letter had some alarming words from who ever wrote it, that my partner was heavily on drugs, that I was fighting all the time, that Nicolas said I beat him up all the time and so on. I felt so humiliated but I also accepted they had to do their job.

I can honestly say like this, do I have anger issues, yes I do, but I am improving. Do my partner has a chronicle back damage, yes she has. Do I have labels, yes I have. But is the situation so bad, my children should be taken by the police, what happened to other parents not so lucky. F*** NO.

Despite my positive attitude to Barnevernet, now I started to look more into the negative voices, was there something there that they were doing wrong?

The main trigger was that they told my partner like this;

This is the second time, you get help from us, maybe you should separate?

I got so angry I had to slap them hard, it is not their responsibility to decide on that, and secondly, they should be there to support us, and not the other way around.

Despite all this, I have to say, we are pleased with the help we gotten on the rounds with them so far, but it should not be like this;

Parents have to wait to their child is six or seven before they can get help from the right agency, then they have to apply and maybe wait another year to get help. NORWAY HAS THE RESOURCES TO CHANGE THIS, so please do.

Sticking the head in the sand

Now, the most alarming article I found, first time I had to deal with them, was a report written from people inside Barnevernet and about seventy or so doctors and professionals, criticise they took children from their parents too fast, and the third part child psychologists and specialists that where privately founded, not owned by the state, that did the evaluation, were running in the leach of Barnevernet, because they needed that money.

Now, as the intelligent man I am, I thought, that could for sure improve, but the biggest alarm lock was this;

The leader of Barnevernet at that time, said as an answer to the letter, that people should not critique them like this, because then people would be afraid to raise and alarm.

Now I have in my career more than once, been involved in handling toxic leaders and toxic work environments, and the main problem I have discovered are that the top leaders and their EGO, have hard time to understand, maybe things are not fully working in their companies.

Despite that that leader has a point here, that maybe to much frightening in media no Barnevernet could also backfire, but at the same time she should have said "Maybe we need to do some changes".

Getting help for my son

I still have not getting any help for my son, I am still waiting. And I openly asked the school in the before second year meeting, what resources they have for children with labels and conditions?

We only have a nurse, you need to get that help from other places.

Now, this really pissed me off, a rich country like Norway, do have the resources to help parents and children with conditions, and they put the responsibility on Barnevernet, that should not have that role?

Parents and other people started to contact me, regarding I have many followers and I know a lot of leaders worldwide, so I decided there and then, that one of my books would target this issue, and not on throwing stones. I truly from all my heart, hope that government wakes up, and please put some more resources in aiding families and children, that really needs it.

Do you want to share your story? Do you have ideas how things could improve? Then contact me.

I repeat, I am welcoming mostly suggestions, of what could be done better, than throwing more stones, that does not change the situation. I am a man of action and progress, I mostly look forwards with a positive attitude.

www.EduardoX.com on LinkedIn