Newlyweds Web Series - Identity and how it get’s lost in relationships (Part 3)

Emotional, raw and rooted character development. Newlyweds explores the themes of identity and challenges the way the main characters think and behave. 

Gender roles or behaviour is learned or taught by a person which is to appropriate their gender, determined by cultural norms. The writers and I wanted to explore the theme of gender roles and how it affects a person’s identity. In the series, the main characters Vanessa and Jacob’s gender roles are challenged through self-reflection and counselling due to the breakdown of their marriage. Vanessa is influenced by how she was raised and what she saw growing up. She saw the role her Mother and Father played in their marriage, her Mother went to work, had a successful career, but would also cook, clean and look after her kids. Her Father would go to work, come home and be catered to by his wife. They had the perfect marriage in Vanessa’s eye’s, and she would romanticize it and would strive to have the same thing. 

At the first sign of trouble, Vanessa does what she knows, be the perfect the wife. Vanessa begins to overcompensate everything she does by cooking, cleaning and being submissive.             Vanessa often compared herself to couples on social media, YouTube and saw how “perfect” their relationship is and wanted the same. To keep up appearances, she begins sharing pictures and videos of her being the perfect wife and of how happy she is. 

Vanessa’s gender role is challenged when she realises her parent’s marriage wasn’t perfect and they had problems, when she has an open and honest conversation about her struggles.  Vanessa begins to find her own identity through cognitive behavioural therapy. Vanessa learns to not compare herself to what she sees on social media, by learning the skills to recognize the triggers which make her depressed. Vanessa is able to learn more about herself as a person and not what society tells women what they are supposed to do.                        

Jacob was raised in a single parent household with his Mum and had an absentee Father. At a young age he became the man of the house. Jacob and his Mother built a co-dependency relationship as Jacob’s mother elevated him to the status of equal partner. Jacob felt the need to provide for his Mother and take care of her as he was all she had. Jacob had to grow up quickly and because of this he does not know how to deal with his emotions. Jacob has the skills of a leader, he’s charming, fun, independent and strong, when something goes wrong, he doesn’t know how to handle it, he becomes standoffish. This is because of his toxic masculinity and relates back to his childhood, when his Dad left, he wasn’t able to process it, he had to grow up. 

When Jacob and Vanessa start to have problems, he does what he knows, he gives up and does not share his feelings. Jacob’s gender role is challenged by reflecting on the marriage counselling session exercises. One of the exercises were too ask each other questions, when the questions got too personal, Jacob quit and left their home. Which is a common trait in toxic masculinity. When Jacob is alone, for the first time he is able to listen to his own thoughts and is able to answer the questions honestly, which is a big step for him. This slowly starts to help Jacob to discover his identity as he learns he can be open and honest. His growth continues when he has a conversation with his Mum about his struggles and he starts to cry, he is able to show his emotion and not suffer in silence. His Mother reassures him that his relationship with Vanessa will get better and encourages him to learn to depend on other people. This challenges who Jacob thought he was, he thought he had to be the provider and be strong and showing emotion was a weakness. He learns that showing emotion, doesn’t make you weak. Not showing your emotions and not being open and honest does make you weak. It changes his identity from having toxic masculinity to learning how to let it go. In the series the writers and I wanted to tackle mental health but in regard to social well-being and how that relates to identity. 

Social well-being, the extent to which you feel a sense of belonging and social inclusion, a connected person is a supported person in society, lifestyles, ways of living together, value systems, traditions and beliefs are all important to our social well-being and quality of life. Newlyweds tackles this theme by addressing the social well-being of Vanessa and Jacob after they get married. At Vanessa’s wedding, Vanessa’s ex-boyfriend tries to stop Vanessa marrying Jacob, six weeks after their wedding, Vanessa is overcompensating, and Jacob is being cold and distant. 

In the first episode of the series, Vanessa plans a romantic dinner, but Jacob decides to go out to eat instead. This leads to an explosive argument and shows that Vanessa and Jacob are not talking about their issues, which is affecting their social well-being, in this case, living in a home with your spouse. Neither Jacob nor Vanessa are feeling supported by society. In this scenario, it’s their home life. This is affecting their identity because they are losing themselves in the situation and either start to act and do things they usually wouldn’t. To show how the characters work on their identity, the writers and I decided to separate Vanessa and Jacob. Jacob leaves their home and Vanessa moves in with her parents. This immediately improves their social well-being as they are living in a better environment that values their traditions, there is social inclusion and they feel connected to who they are living with. 

During their time apart they work on themselves and explore their values and who they are as people. When they do get back together, they’ve learned the tools to communicate better and compromise, which helps their social well-being and their identity because they are comfortable, they won’t change who they are, their traditions and feel connected to who they are living with.  Social media has been mentioned above and how it influenced Vanessa’s choices in regard to her identity.

In this part of the article I am going to discuss how social media affects her mental health and ties in with her cognitive behavioural therapy and how she learns to recognise her own identity as a woman and what it means to be a woman to her. One of the areas within social media and mental health, is how thoughts of inadequacy are triggered. As mentioned above Vanessa compares herself to couples she sees on Instagram and YouTube and often would try to replicate and aspire to have what they have. When her marriage starts to fail, she seeks positive feedback in the form of likes or followers. It is a reward that stimulates the brain and rewards it with dopamine. Vanessa has seen this from the people she looks up to, she thinks this is what she needs to do as well. If she can pretend everything is okay, things will change and what she is posting, will become a reality. The cognitive behavioural therapy teaches her to not rely on these areas and seek her own validation. Seeking approval from likes and engagement on social media was her identity. Time away from social media showed her who she is outside of materialism and narcissism. 

Vanessa, after her therapy is able to make her own decisions and is able to decide what makes her happy and fulfils her purpose as a woman and not by social media. Within the series we also tackle the mental health issue, OCD. We address some of the traits Jacob has, the writers and I wanted to show this through his need of wanting to be in control and it ties in with his toxic masculinity. Jacob, as mentioned before is a Leader, he’s charming, fun, independent and strong, when something goes wrong, he doesn’t know how to handle it, his OCD kicks in as he can’t control the situation and likes things a certain way. Jacob’s OCD is challenged by reflecting on the marriage counselling session exercises. One of the exercises were to make paper Mache artwork, he couldn’t do it because it was messy and could not let himself go and be in the moment. Jacob got frustrated and leaves their home and Vanessa and Jacob separate. When Jacob is alone, he is able to listen to his thoughts and in his home own time, he makes the paper Mache artwork. This slowly starts to help Jacob re-discover his identity as he learns he can do things in the moment. It continues with the conversation he has with his Mum as she encourages him to live life to it’s fullest. Jacob’s self-reflection challenges who he thought he was and the choices he has made in his life. Jacob thought, things have to be in order and have structure. He learns that he can let go and be in the moment and not everything has to be in order.

One area of identity that is addressed in the series is the differences of socio-economic class. Different social class cultures can lead to distinct patterns of interpersonal behaviour. This is shown when Vanessa and Jacob separate as their differences in their upbringing shows how they deal with situations differently. Vanessa acted like everything was fine and Jacob became passive aggressive and standoffish when their married became difficult. Their identity was formed from how they were raised. Vanessa was raised middle class, in a two-parent household, in comparison to Jacob who was raised working class, in a one parent household, with an absentee Father. Vanessa and Jacob were raised differently and dealt with their situation the only way they knew. But needed to learn what worked for them, this changed elements of their identity and they grew from the experience.

The biggest theme of the series which address Identity is relationships. It is common for men and women to lose their identity in a marriage or a long-term relationship. Being a part of a couple, especially when the other partner has a dominant personality. The other partner can lose their self-worth, or anatomy and become unrecognizable from the person they were when they entered the relationship. This happened to Vanessa after the wedding, she became submissive and lost herself in the relationship. Whilst Jacob became more dominant as Vanessa tried to make him happy and the situation better. As mentioned above in previous examples, counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy are used in the series to address theme of identity. Newlyweds address the theme of Identity by the counselling sessions and the lessons taught throughout the series.  The counsellor helps Vanessa and Jacob understand self-concept, by handling the issues that can arise from problems with self-concept. This can include low self-esteem, negative thinking, being positive, managing your emotions with skill and respecting your boundaries. This is shown by Vanessa opening up to her parents about her struggles and distancing herself from social media. It is shown in the character development of Jacob, by him using the exercises from the counselling sessions, being able to self-reflect and sharing his struggles. The tools learned from counselling helped them look at their identity and what it means to them. 

In conclusion, this web series addresses the theme of Identity by looking how gender roles, mental health, social media, socio-economic class, relationships and counselling affects and or changes your identity. With this series I am hoping to inform and educate the audience to understand their identity and why they act and make the choices they do in their life, which could affect them positively or negatively.  

I am confident that my writing team and I have been able to do this successfully in our script and will be able to translate this to screen with the Director of Newlyweds. 

Check out the crowd funding page here - https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/kashifboothe/newlyweds-web-series

Behind The Show Newlyweds Web Series - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08pEfnqhx38

Check out the back door pilot - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9bY1o9ejN8&t=7s