New Year’s Resolutions: Why Most Fail and How Mine Didn’t

January loomed over me after finally wrapping up the holiday rush, as it did every year. This year was going to be different though. This year I was going to do some amazing things; accomplish amazing things; meet amazing people; really set the world on fire. I kept the list small—to many priorities is no priority, right? I chose three major things I wanted to change in my life. I told myself “What three things could I accomplish that would make me look back on this year and say “What a great year I had.”? So I had my list and checked it frequently to make sure I was on track and off I ran through the gloomy winter months.

As you might have guessed, it didn’t take long with all of the pressure of work and life for this level of heightened enthusiasm to fizzle out and throw me back into the cold winter reality that most resolutions are dead on arrival. Not only was I disappointed that I was most likely not going to accomplish the lofty resolutions I had set for myself but it also further added to the question as to whether I was really capable of making intentional big changes in my life or whether I was just destined to follow the current of my already established life patterns.

This disillusionment, however, sparked a curiosity in me. Why are we, as humans, so captivated by the idea of new beginnings? Research shows that this fascination is partly due to what's known as the "psychological clean slate" effect. This effect makes us feel disconnected from our past failures, imbuing us with optimism and a renewed sense of hope at the prospect of starting afresh. We're wired to seek out these fresh starts, aligning them with natural cycles or cultural milestones like the New Year. It’s not just a social construct but a deeply ingrained psychological phenomenon.

Moreover, this period of new beginnings often rekindles our aspirations for personal growth. It’s a time when we are more inclined to set goals and imagine a future where we have evolved beyond our current selves. Yet, despite this innate tendency to seek fresh starts, the reality of our everyday lives – the relentless march of time and the weight of habitual routines – often brings us back to familiar grounds. It made me wonder: Is there a way to harness the positive aspects of this fresh start mentality while also establishing a more sustainable approach to personal change?

In order to take advantage of this fresh start energy and momentum, we must first understand why normal New Year’s resolutions don’t work.

A primary reason is the nature of resolutions themselves. Often, they are set as lofty, vaguely defined goals without a clear plan or achievable milestones. For example, resolving to "get fit" or "be more successful" sounds great in theory, but without specific, actionable steps, they are just wishes floating in the air. Research in goal-setting theory emphasizes the importance of setting SMART goals – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Resolutions often miss these critical components.

Another factor is the overreliance on willpower. We tend to start the year with a burst of motivation, but willpower is a finite resource. It diminishes with each decision we make throughout the day, leading to what psychologists call "decision fatigue." When we rely solely on willpower to achieve our New Year’s resolutions, we set ourselves up for failure as soon as our energy and attention wane.

Furthermore, resolutions are often rooted in a mindset of self-criticism and drastic change. This approach can lead to a negative self-image and a feeling of failure when we inevitably encounter obstacles or setbacks. According to psychological studies, self-compassion and gradual, sustainable change are more effective for long-term personal growth than self-criticism and radical overnight transformations.

Lastly, resolutions are typically set in isolation, without considering the support systems and environmental changes necessary for success. Behavioral science suggests that our environment and social networks play a crucial role in habit formation and achieving goals. Without altering our environment or seeking support from those around us, sticking to resolutions becomes significantly harder.

Understanding these pitfalls of traditional New Year’s resolutions can be enlightening. It shows us that the issue is not with our determination or capabilities, but often with the structure and approach of the resolutions themselves. This realization opens the door to rethinking how we approach personal change and growth in the new year.

With this in mind, here is how I have harnessed the energy and enthusiasm of the new year to create “REAL, LASTING” change.

Step 1: Reflection

The end of the year is a great time to take inventory of your year’s accomplishments and struggles prior to creating new goals.? Taking stock of my accomplishments helped me to create new baselines for successful behavior and paying attention to areas where I struggled helped me to predict areas in my new goal setting where I may stumble.? This provided me with a good foundation to move into the real task of setting resolutions.

Step 2: ? The Vision

Rather than a bunch of thoughtless “what if” wishes I actually created a vision for the year.? Visualization is a powerful tool to move towards your future self and creating a solid vision of what I wanted to look like, act like or do differently in the new year helped me get clarity on what I actually wanted.Now I could move on to actually creating the resolutions.

Step 3: The Big List

Now that I knew what I wanted it was time for me to make some real resolutions.? Here is the beginning of where I have fail before.? I had gone through this ritual many times before with vague and lofty wishes with no real grounding, but this time,? For each one of the resolutions I had in my mind, I asked two questions: What does success look like and how would I prove success to others?

Question 1 serves to focus the resolution so it is not too vague and allows me to place a solid marker for success that I can’t “accidentally” adjust as time goes on.? Question 2 forces me to put some sort of demonstrable metrics around the resolution witth the understanding that if I can’t prove the success than it didn’t happen.

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The next step for me was to write all this down.

After solidifying my resolutions and establishing a clear vision for the year ahead, I embarked on a journey of meticulous planning and execution. This part of the process was all about turning my ambitions into a structured, achievable roadmap. Here's how I did it:

1. Defining the End Result:

As mentioned previously, my first step was to define what success would look like for each resolution by the end of the year. I made sure these end goals were not just wishes, but specific, measurable, and realistic achievements. For instance, if one of my resolutions was to improve my fitness, the end result wasn't just 'to get fit' but something more tangible like 'run a 5K under 30 minutes' or 'attend 100 yoga classes'. These clear targets gave me something concrete to work towards.

2. Quarterly Breakdown:

With the end goals in mind, I then broke them down into quarterly milestones. This involved asking, "What progress would I need to make in the next three months to be on track for my year-end goal?" This step was pivotal in creating a sense of urgency and short-term focus while keeping the larger picture in view. Each quarter had its own set of objectives, which were smaller and more immediate than the annual goals but were steps in the right direction.

3. Monthly and Weekly Breakdowns:

The next layer of my plan was to take these quarterly milestones and break them down even further into monthly and then weekly tasks. This granularity was key in transforming lofty goals into everyday actions. For each week, I listed specific tasks or activities that would cumulatively lead to achieving my monthly and subsequently, my quarterly goals. This detailed planning made the process feel less overwhelming and more manageable.

4. Populating the Daily Calendar:

The final and most crucial step was translating these weekly tasks into daily actions. Every evening, I took a few minutes to plan the next day. I selected a few critical items from my weekly list that needed to be accomplished. This daily planning ensured that each day I was taking a step, however small, towards my bigger goals.

This structured approach brought a sense of clarity and purpose to my daily routine. I no longer felt like I was aimlessly hoping to meet my resolutions. Instead, I had a clear path laid out in front of me. Each small task, each day, added up, building momentum and confidence as I moved closer to my goals.

As the year progressed, this systematic approach also allowed me to track my progress effectively. I could see what was working and what wasn’t, allowing me to make adjustments as needed. This adaptability was crucial, as not everything went according to plan. There were setbacks and challenges, but because my goals were broken down into smaller tasks, I could easily recalibrate and stay on course.

In conclusion, this experience taught me the power of backward planning and the importance of breaking down large goals into smaller, actionable steps. It wasn't just about setting resolutions at the beginning of the year; it was about creating a daily habit of working towards them. This approach not only helped me to achieve my resolutions but also instilled a discipline and focus that I could apply to various aspects of my life.

As the year drew to a close, I looked back with a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. I realized that the true value of this journey was not just in the resolutions I achieved but in the person I became in the process – more focused, disciplined, and resilient. This methodology, I believe, is not just a formula for a year of success but a blueprint for continuous personal growth and development.

Keep in mind that I did not accomplish everything I set out to complete but since my goals were “stretch” goals, or goals that are not comfortable but really pushed the limits of what I believed I could accomplish, what I still ended up with is a year I could look back on and say “Now that was a great year!”