New Year….New Me?

?What is your immediate emotional reaction to the words, “New Year’s Resolution.”? Also, when is it too late to tell someone “Happy New Year.” ?I have lots of thoughts on the latter, but for now we skip that debate.?

There is an annual fascination with self-improvement as the calendar changes.? Speaking of, we are almost a month and a half into this new year.? If you are like most people, you have heard about, thought about, are doing, have done, or maybe quit a new year’s resolution.? Have you ever questioned the fascination with this snapshot of time?? Why do we feel the changing of the calendar year allows us this opportunity, a “redo” or a “clean slate.”

One explanation is most people categorize success, accomplishment, or even “failures” in blocks of time.? Financially, we look at our income (and yes taxes) on a yearly basis.? Most companies look at success of a year from a financial perspective.? So, it is not farfetched that this thought process spills into the way we look at our personal accomplishment. ??

I confess I am part of this fascination.? I don’t recall a time at a year’s end that I have not thought about or even planned a way to improve my life in some way.? In terms of numbers, my failures have far exceeded my successes. That doesn’t mean I have failed.? My beautiful mistakes provided necessary lessons that would lead to later “success.”?

The most lasting changes I have made did not come from any new year’s resolution.? It wasn’t a point in time or a sudden rush of desire to change.? It was a buildup over time and failed attempts.? Said differently, change started when I was ready to make change.? ?

If you are looking for some positive change in your life and have “missed” on your resolution, don’t fret.? The restraints created by time or timelines are self-imposed.? Break free from that thought process.?

In doing so understand that change is generally slow.? It is like a good stock portfolio.? There will be ups and downs in the short term, but overtime there will be meaning gains.? My past mistakes started with high expectations of quick results.? When those expectations were not realized I would quickly quit and conclude, “what’s the use.”

A combination of life lessons and a very helpful book have provided practical points to help me reach my (and maybe your) goals.??Here are a few items to consider.?

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1.?????? Start with small achievable goals.? Who doesn’t love accomplishments and the opportunity to see a task completed.? Set small goals to start.? When you achieve those, you will feel amazing.? My biggest failures are from setting goals to high and having unrealistic expectations. ?

2.?????? Be consistent.? This goes hand in hand with the first item.? Show up, achieve those small goals.? This consistency allows for what James Clear calls in his book Atomic Habits, “habit stacking.”? “Showing up” and being consistent makes it routine, which leads to habits.? Over time with consistency can lead to “stacking” of habits.? That is stacking good habits on top of good habits. ?You will make mistakes.? That is ok.? Just minimize the mistakes and get back on the consistency track.

3.?????? Understand the Why. ?James Clear calls this “make it attractive.”?? If you have the “why” it becomes the “mission statement” of your goal.? When you have doubt and need a reminder, you can lean on your “why.”? For example, you may have a goal to cut down on the consumption of sugar.? ??Having that warm brownie with ice cream while watching the Super Bowl may feel good in the moment.? However, if you remind yourself that excess sugar will not help you sleep, and it will leave you feeling groggy, you may limit or avoid the temptation.? Mistakes will happen (such as the brownie/Super Bowl example above I heard from a “friend”) that is ok.? But having the “why” can help you get through some difficult times.

4.?????? Minimized obstacles for success. ??James Clear calls this, make it easy.? “Pro tip” If you want if you want to eat healthy, do not buy or have readily available Oreo cookies.? Either don’t buy them, or if you do, you put them in a place that is difficult to get to. ?“Will power” can only go so far.? According to a “friend” it is easier not to eat one Oreo cookie, then just one.? Again, according to my reliable source, that one cookie can turn into the entire package in one setting. ?Can you image?

Finally, here are a few basic concepts that should be applicable in your everyday life, but especially on any self-improvement journey:

Be Kind to Yourself.? Pay attention to your self-talk.? Provide the same grace and patience to yourself as you would a dear friend.?

Be Honest with Yourself.? The person we lie to the most…. is ourselves.? We can be both kind and honest about our situation. The best first step to self-improvement is honesty.? ?

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.? This can come in many forms.? We can search via social media, ChatGPT or the very old fashioned, but well-established method of talking to others.? Hearing and feeling a shared connection of human experience can go a long way.? My biggest “switch” was hearing another person tell me the length of time it took to make real change.? That was relatable and put in perspective the patience I would need if I wanted to reach my goals.?

This is not an all-inclusive recipe for success. ?This has (mostly) worked for me.? You can use this, add in your own life experience, and modify it to fit you.? Or you can create your own version of this. ?Don’t be afraid to try something new.

In the end, you can take or leave any advice from a warm brownie, Oreo cookie loving “friend.”