New Year, New Strategies, and yep, still the Apocalypse.

2019: Silence, you’re going down

Facebook V1

New year, new you, eh? So far, I think that’s open to interpretation.

I haven’t started this year off as a saint - I did something bad. Well, I’ve done a few bad things already, but we’ll get to that later. For now, my shame sits squarely in the digital world… I got in a Facebook fight.

It wasn’t a particularly nasty one – definitely not worth making popcorn over – but it was a catfight.

It was over an experience a friend had on her way home: Two men got in an argument over a train seat, and a woman tried to diffuse it. The train conductor eventually asked all three people to disembark, and as the train was pulling away, the man who instigated the initial disagreement assaulted the woman and punched her in the face.

So why did I get in a catfight?

Because the first comment to that story was “women are less likely to be subjected to all forms of violence than men are, but okay. Masculinity is what keeps women safe, it does not threaten them.”

Everyone has their own opinion, as everyone should. Those opinions come from our experiences, so this response made me wonder what this person had experienced, as they obviously had a very different opinion to mine (and the men in my life who I discussed this with). So I asked why the person felt this way.

The response? “You women will never understand… you're rarely ever in danger, you’re just neurotic. This is all part of unresolved female violence against men.”

Cue catfight. But like, the somewhat dignified kind.

The result? I sent my friend, who I hadn’t spoken to in years, a message. We reconnected and had an amazing conversation that left me filled with hope.

Facebook V2.

Later that day, I saw another exchange on Facebook (different friend) following a status linked to a fact check article by the NY Times on how high Trump realllllly piled those Hamburgers, which I quote:

"Please do pray for me!! I need the prayers, Im sure you need the practice ;) Im from California too, Native... our whole family is from there. It seems to me, You are the one that missed the proverbial "education boat". Electoral college wins Elections... they always have, they always will. And You are correct, you can't engage with me. That's THE number 1 problem with the left side of the political aisle...

C l u e l e s s .....

But you know that already...

That's why, Trump is sitting in the oval office and The Benghazi Queen did'nt make it.

In the words of someone IM POSITIVE you voted for...

"Elections have consequences" ..... ;)...

6 more yrs lil buddy!!

Build The Wall!! HANG TOUGH...WE DID!! YOU CAN DO IT!!"

I’m sure you can imagine how ‘diplomatic’ the rest of the thread was.

So what did I do? I unfriended the person who initially put up the post (the comment above did not come from my friend), and immediately regretted it.

I was so embarrassed that I sent a message:

“I saw that thread you posted, and I did unfriend you, not because I think you’re wrong in your argument - when Trump does something stupid, you gotta laugh - but because you tolerated and enabled people to comment on that post aggressively. Targeted aggression towards a specific group of people / beliefs which destroys any chance at positive conversation in favour of pro right, pro trump, pro exclusion rhetoric. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but it’s exclusion, intolerance and deliberate, blind trust that makes getting anything done between two sides of an argument nearly impossible in America.

The country is really divided, and your post showed me that with terrifying clarity. Maybe I shouldn’t have unfriended you, it was a snap decision and one I’m not proud of, but I did it… I think the only way out of divides like this is through conversation, and I’m embarrassed I made a decision which limits exactly that.”

The result? I reconnected with someone I hadn’t spoken to in ages, and we had an amazing conversation. Not yelling match, conversation.

We also got to reminisce on a particularly awkward double date that happened back in my college days (which, much as I tried, I hadn’t quite managed to wipe from memory).

LinkedIn, here we go

Encouraged, I went about my day and saw the new Gillette ad trending on LinkedIn, and came across a thread discussing it.

So what did I do? Wrote this:

“I think the ad is amazing. The first step is to drag an issue into the spotlight and make it a conversation. The hope being, that eventually change can come as a result. The changes needed to move away from hatred, injustice and intolerance can’t come quickly enough, so if the dragging of issues into to the light falls to corporations - who are encouraging conversations along with selling some products - I see that as a win win. As a consumer, you never have to buy the product. We all have our part to play, but I’ll happily support the initiatives and products of a company trying to create positive change over the ones that don’t.”

And what did I get? A message from someone I’ve never met:

“So I saw your comment on the Gillette ad and thought "this one is bold, jumping right in there with a sea full of "man" comments" lol... Anyways it is always refreshing to see a female not afraid to speak her mind and take chances… You are quite bold indeed… your courage shines through even on a limited platform such as LinkedIn.”

Someone should tell him I’m the worlds’ biggest chicken…

But it got me thinking. All I’ve done is speak my mind whilst trying to be respectful of different opinions, and admitted when I made a mistake. That’s it. And I’ve been called courageous for it. I’ve re-connected with friends because of it.

The Trump Hamburger Facebook post? Following our conversation my friend made a comment saying he did not support calling people stupid or idiotic just because of different opinions and then apologised for how one person in particular was treated in the comments of the thread.

My other friend who saw the woman get assaulted? She said herself, “everything changes, and so we have to choose which direction it will flow. The more we talk and especially the more we listen, WE as a society will learn how to solve these problems together, but it takes awareness first”.

The guy who messaged me after the Gillette comment? We had a great chat, and turns out, we grew up in neighbouring states and he used to work with someone who lived in my hometown.

The world can be a small place. The world can be a reasonable place. Who knew?

STRATEGIES: Sometimes, they fail

Ever heard of a new year being referred to as a ‘new chapter’?

I hear that phrase a lot, ‘new chapter’, and whenever I hear it, I expect plans and actions will be put into place to set this ‘chapter’ apart from the last.

Take me, for example. At the end of 2018 I decided to set resolutions that were personal and important to me:

• Say ‘sorry’ less
• Give the pescatarian lifestyle a go
• Work towards something bigger than myself

Well, I’m pretty sure that saying ‘sorry’ is programmed somewhere in my DNA, because so far, I’m 100% sure I haven’t had a single conversation this year when I didn’t say ‘sorry’ at least once during it. #fail

Pescatarian? As soon as I decided – not joking, it was the same day - I came home and what did I see in the fridge? The biggest leg of ham I’d ever seen in my life, a Christmas present from my partners’ company. Did I do the moral thing and donate it? Absolutely not, I ate the shit out of it and it was delicious. #fail

Work towards something bigger than myself? I dunno man, sometimes just getting out of bed and away from my snuggling kitten makes me feel deserving of a medal.

Am I a hypocrite? Sure am.

Do I make mistakes? Sure do.

Can I change the world? No, but we can.

We are now in 2019, but we’re not so different to who we were in 2018. Change can happen quickly, but very few of us change overnight, unless it was a particularly rough one and you spewed over your outfit.

My mantra has always been live and let live, but I’ve got a bone to pick with anything or anyone seeking to sensationalise / normalise dramatic conflict as entertainment. Look at the world. Look at the leaders. Do we not have enough drama?

(cue Gladiator music) ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

It’s happening here in New Zealand, too. Dramatic conflict gets ratings and shows change. People learn if they want to be on TV, they’ve got to create drama, and that’s a slippery slope. Don’t get me wrong, it starts slowly, but doesn’t it always?

Look what came from a few authentic, genuine conversations. Did those change the world? No, of course not. But, it did create something that wasn’t there before.

Dramatic conflict, exclusion, and an unwillingness to speak with people different to us will not solve a problem; purposeful avoidance of critical thinking, authenticity, and truth will not make us happier, healthier or safer.

So what are my strategies for 2019? Just to do something. Anything.

Something has to be better than nothing, and if we all did something – I’m not above calling a picked up piece of trash from the beach ‘something’ – who knows what we could accomplish.

APOCALYPSE: She’ll be coming ‘round the mountain

Compared to my last blog, this one has been remarkably not climate change focused. That was strategic… I came on a bit strong with that last one. #sorrynotsorry

(See? It’s in my DNA.)

I wanted to convey how easy it was to start a conversation, admit when I was wrong, and feel hopeful for the future. For a second, can we imagine what would happen if we all did just that? What world that would create?

In my last blog I said (actually, the UN International Panel on Climate Change said) that we had twelve years. Twelve years to create the change we need for a non-apocalyptic future… that clock is ticking and soon, we will only have eleven.

But for now, we still have twelve years to collaborate, plan for drastic changes, and try to stall the effects of climate change. That doesn’t mean twelve years to learn how to play nicely with one another, that means twelve years until maybe, just maybe, Mother Nature gains the upper hand and starts showing us exactly how powerful she is.

Ever tried to argue with a hurricane? Or a wildfire? Or a draught? Asking it nicely to stop doesn’t work, no matter how collaborative the approach. Neither does yelling at it and calling it fake news.

So we need to make changes now, to avoid that eventuality.

And how is that looking, the likelihood of global collaboration?

Well, let’s start internationally: Britain is in danger of crashing out of the EU with no deal; China and Canada are engaging in ‘hostage diplomacy’; Trump is destroying international relations, and nations like China and Russia are ready to fill the vacuum it creates.

Ohhhhkay.

Maybe we’ll have more luck if we look a touch more localised?

Election fraud accusations are being thrown from the USA to the Democratic Republic of the Congo. A Polish mayor in favour of inclusion and tolerance was stabbed and killed at a Charity event. Brazils new President has made good on his promise to end demarcation of new indigenous lands and reduce the power of environmental agencies working to protect the Amazon. Refugee camps worldwide are stuffed with people who fled their home countries to escape violence and now have nowhere to go.

Sooooo, all in all, not so hot.

Adding to all the crises just listed, at the heart of it, we have a communication one. We’re losing the ability to communicate with those different to us, and therefore, the ability to progress.

The countries of the world are so wrapped up in their individual problems and internal standoffs that we are running out of options on who can come to the table and influence global change. I’m left wondering who cares.

Good thing I live in New Zealand.

I was born American, but I chose to be a Kiwi. All countries are unique, but I genuinely believe New Zealand is special. The people, the wildlife, the landscape, the ocean… I don’t know that there’s anywhere like it in the world.

This country is a powerhouse of down-to-earth, genuine people, willing to have a conversation on ways to make change; willing to stand up for the long term viability of the land, the sustainability of the ocean, and the importance of protecting those wild places that still make us feel small.

Climate change will come for the land, the ocean, and the wild places. Not just in New Zealand, but globally.

But, if we can show the rest of the world that real changes can be made through communication, inclusion, and consideration, we can take real steps to reduce CO2 emissions, halt pollution, and protect the environment.

The state of the world is not moving towards rational implementation of solutions, if anything, it seems to be moving away from it. Don’t let that fool you though, we DO have solutions, we’ve had them for a while.

We – you and me –can speak to the companies we work for and encourage change from within. Encourage sustainable business practices, conservation initiatives, and clean energy.

Wind and solar are now legitimate energy choices that are just as efficient as fossil fuels and less costly than coal. New Zealand has a lot of wind and sun. New Zealand has a ton of progressive organisations. New Zealand has unlimited potential. (The rest of the world does, too.) 

We can influence change just by starting a conversation, just by being open to different ideas, just by admitting when we made a mistake.

We may be small, but man, we can be mighty.

It’s time to do something about it.