A New Year

A New Year is supposed to bring with it optimism, hope, and fulfilled aspirations. My year, however, has started with feelings of anxiety, frustration, and an overall sense of stagnation, unfulfilled dreams and goals, and decay of my overall sense of well-being for my future. One would think that my worldview is rather negative and bleak and that I have lost all hope, but it is rather the opposite. I now, once again, have the same feelings I had prior to departing City Hall -- the same feelings that prodded me to embark on different paths, and experience other opportunities that I would not have otherwise explored if I had stayed in the environment I was in that was rotting my soul away. I have bought a ticket to a destination yet undetermined, as I did when I left City Hall, with plotted plans and opportunities which crashed and burned before my eyes and never came to fruition due to my belief in the word of others that ended up being superficial promises from unscrupulous and less than well-meaning individuals. But the upside of all that is that I left a toxic environment and that was a great thing, but it was traded for a more uncertain one that ended up being not what I thought it would be. Yet, here I am, at the same fork in the road, that I found myself in the spring of 2013. I could continue pacing back and forth, and content myself with the resigned acceptance of my situation, and stay in my Tower of Ambivalence, and not venture from the fork in the road or I can do what I did before, and cast caution to the wind and immerse myself in uncertain change once again. For those who know me well, (and there are only a very, very few who do) the former is not what I wish for, and while choosing the latter is rather disconcerting, it is the option I must choose. 2020, whatever you have planned for me, bring it... I hope for the best. LOL. For those of you in the same situation, my heart goes out to you. I encourage you to choose the option that suits you, whichever it is. I hope it is the one that fulfills you and prods you to explore and cast off the regulator that keeps you from reaching new plateaus beyond your self-imposed restraints and excuses keeping you miserable ... and broke. Let us forge that journey together.