A new word for 2018?—?Self-full

As I leaned back in a comfortable IKEA armchair at home, and watched the vines in my backyard un-selfconsciously inch across the fence, I reviewed the year that was 2017. A great year for me. Big, watershed events, several dark moments, some ecstatic ones. An insight that emerged from my reverie was that it was the year I finally took responsibility for what I wanted to see in my life.

Why do I feel guilt over following my heart?

My life. As those words wafted about in my head, I felt a pang of guilt. It felt remarkably self-absorbed. Am I living only for myself? Is my solipsism a sign of vanity, insecurity, vacuousness, emptiness, restlessness, childishness, lost-ness….what?

Guilt. What a weird thing to feel when you’re experimenting with self-actualisation.

Why does self-actualisation feel selfish? Or is that feeling just some perverse excuse for me to shrink from introspecting into uncomfortable spaces, while making me feel morally superior and ‘evolved’? I call BS on that.

I think the time has come for humanity to consider a new concept — being full of the Self, not yourself. Self-full as opposed to selfish. And it seems to me that we all intuitively grasp the difference between the Self and the self. We may not agree on its content, but we detect the distinction.

And perhaps it is OK to accept that our primary duty is towards fully expressing and honouring our Self, and our secondary duties are to give of ourselves to others. Maybe even give of our Self to others. Without the fullest expression of our Self, perhaps by dedication to our Self, we run the risk of never truly achieving all that our potential promises. And I truly, truly believe that all humans are pure potential. This is why almost every spiritual text across all cultures on the face of this earth have, for thousands of years, listed fear right up there with anger and hatred as some of the most limiting and destructive human tendencies — these feelings shrivel our potential.

What is the essence of a human being?

Steve Jobs and Ed Catmull once, when working with Disney on Toy Story, debated what the “essence” of things are. They concluded that the essence of a thing is its ultimate purpose, its definitive reason for being, its calling and happiest state. A glass is designed and intended to hold a drink — and so an empty glass is lacking its essence, and thus can be depicted as sad, whereas a full glass is happy, jaunty and exuberant. I think that is an incredibly powerful model of the world. And clearly, we all intuitively understood this because we love and marvel at Pixar’s magical ability to animate the inanimate. But here is my sense of it — Pixar doesn’t bring things to life — Pixar brings life to things. Their focus on essence connects with what we intuitively understand about the nature of existence. All things have a purpose for which they are best suited, a function expressed by their design (and no, I’m not suggesting Intelligent Design, just design).

o my mind, the essence of the human being is our ability to make things — our creative power. It is inextricably in our nature to be creators, inventers, shapers, adapters. While that has also destroyed much of our planet, it is also the most singular trait we have as a species — we create the the things we want. Our brains seem uniquely gifted at creating — the faculties of spatial thinking, imagination, intuition, thought, inspiration…….we have these very special gifts, each and every one of us.

Is it possible then, that being our true Selves is that state of freedom, confidence, happiness, fulfilment and vibrancy where all our energies are channelled towards expressing our Self, and our true natures, by creating the lives we want? Is it possible that to truly be our Self, we need to first be in touch with our Self and then drink deeply from it till we are full of our Self? Is that devotion to our Self, our essence, such an evil thing, if it infuses us with purpose, energy, happiness and love?

Is contemplating the Self a sign of solipsism or a spiritual exercise in understanding our true nature? Is “Who am I meant to be” such a bad question?

Actualising is uncomfortable

How can we ever explore this, and discover what’s possible with this line of thinking unless we are unabashedly Self-full? I see powerful possibilities in being absorbed into our Self (as opposed to self-absorbed). But, if we feel guilt at contemplating our Self, our Soul, or essence, then are we at risk of never listening to our inner voices because we misinterpret it as being self-centred?

And if centring the Self is so vital to our social and psychological success, then I believe the distinction between Self-centred and self-centred, Self-absorbed and self-absorbed, Self-full, and selfish becomes so vitally important.

Faith in Self + Love of Self + Devotion to Self = Actualise Potential.

I don’t know if these are facts or universal laws. I just know it’s a productive way of viewing the world — it works. To me, facts can be useless or useful, but Truths are always useful.

So, from 2018, I raise a full, happy glass to my Self, and your Self, and not so much to ourselves.

Also published on my Medium blog.