New Wine in a New Wine Skin

Recently, my thoughts have been centered on healing and overcoming trauma. Many times, we meet new people, and consciously or unconsciously we tend to transfer the abuse, hurt, and aggression that we may have suffered in our previous relationships with these new people. For instance, it could be in our communication with them; the words we say, lack of trust, fear of rejection, emotional expressions, and physical gestures. Sometimes, we want to take up a new career path and form new friendships, but it seems like we are putting a new wine in an old wine skin or an old wine in a new wine skin. The outcome in both scenarios is that the old has not developed the capacity to contain the new.?

Some of us may have experienced abuse, it could be physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. It could also be from the opposite sex or the same sex. Regardless, how do we ensure that we do not transfer this anger, past hurt, and trauma to the people we encounter??How do we ensure we have taken the time to heal our minds and bodies??

Firstly, we need to realize that healing is a journey. For some individuals, it could take a lifetime to heal the soul, however, for others, it could happen at a faster pace. Also, we need to understand that grieving, overcoming trauma and healing is relative. In some cases, this traumatic episode is evident in their communication or approach to life. More often, we find that these individuals stop doing the things they love, especially social interaction or even personal care.?

Regardless of the time it may take to overcome trauma, one vital thing to bear in mind is self-love. The role of self-love in the healing process cannot be undermined. We must realize that those people may hurt us not because of an inherent flaw we possess?but due to their personality. Through this change in basic assumptions in our mindset, we are letting go of whatever guilt, regret, and self-criticism we may have been holding on to. ?

Likewise, forgiveness is also another step to healing. Forgiveness in this light relinquishes the power that the abuser may have over our minds and emotions. This way, we are giving ourselves the avenue to be free from the strongholds of that hurt and trauma. Also, the more we open our hearts to forgiveness, we let go of guilt and regret. Sadly, societal expectations place humanity in the struggle for perfection, hence, we tend to judge ourselves and dwell in regret whenever an unpleasant event occurs, however, letting go of regret and guilt is a major step in healing and overcoming trauma.?

Furthermore, on our journey to healing and overcoming trauma, we must be patient with ourselves. We should bear in mind that no day is similar. Some days, we may feel excited and ready to change the world, however, on some other days, we might struggle with our mood or even to get tasks done. Notwithstanding, we must learn to be patient with our healing journey even on the days when the sun does not shine brightly. In the same vein, doing the things we love and taking up new hobbies such as walking, yoga, career switch, vacations or even socializing with friends and family is a positive step towards healing and wellness.?

Lastly, as I leave you with excerpts from the poem by Russell Kelfer, I hope you learn to love, trust, and be patient with yourself on your healing journey.?I hope that you find yourself again and the things you love doing;

“You are who you are for a reason.?

You are part of an intense plan.?

You're a precious and perfect unique design,?

Called God's special woman or man...?

“No, the trauma you faced was not easy.?

And God wept that it hurt you so;?

But it was allowed to shape your heart?

So that into His likeness you'd grow...?

?

Love and light!?

Abimbola Geraldine Salau?