The New Vegan’s Guide to Being Less Sad

Tweet! Take a knee, new vegans! Bring it in. Tighter. There ya go. Squish in here. Good.

Nice to see y'all. Now we all remember from orientation that November 1st is World Vegan Day . Coinciding nicely with the Day of the Dead (because that’s what happens to the conversation when we mention avoiding BBQs).

But fear not! I have brought you a present – a guide, culled from my years on the foliage frontlines, written to help you navigate the obstacles facing every new vegan. From jumping headfirst into unknown ingredients to finding the right response to your uncle’s “hilarious” ribbing at Thanksgiving – I’m here to pump. You. Up.

You got this!

BREAK.

Try, Try, Again

I stared at the recipe. And then back at the plate. It had seemed so simple.

Banana peels + soy sauce + liquid smoke + maple syrup.

My husband took one look at the burnt (yet, slimy?) “banana peel bacon” I lovingly placed in front of him and shouted “ALEXA! Play “I will do anything for love, parenthesis, but I won’t do that.”

Harsh. (And to invoke an artist with a name like that !? The disrespect.)

So Banana peel bacon was a flop. Oh well. C’est la vegan.

You know what wasn’t a flop? Buffalo tofu sandwiches, gobi manchurian, creamy gnocchi soup, spring rolls, zucchini muffins, tamarind tempeh, green curry.

There was a whole city block of ingredients and flavors I never would have wandered down cocooned in my culinary comfort zone. Stews, soups and sauces just a few Google searches away.

You’ll still have to wade through a lot of terrible, time-consuming, recipes that’ll make your dinner guests feel like you’re punishing them for some unknown infraction.

But don’t give up! They’ll forgive you! Eventually.

Find restaurants near you and learn what you like. Ask questions. Experiment. Or check out online classes .

“Food is something we have to enjoy every day of our lives. Come with deliciousness ,” says Alicia Kennedy, #vegan food/culture writer and author.

You can make good food! It just might take some time.

(And stay away from watermelon spicy tuna.)

Have Your Answer Ready

When my friend heard I had stopped eating meat he asked, “Does it make you feel better? Or just better than everyone else?”

Damn. That was a pretty sick burn.

Unfortunately, you won’t be dealing with this high caliber of wordplay on a day-to-day basis. For reasons lost to time, when meeting a vegan, many feel the urge to make tragically boring jokes about PLaNtS HaViNG FeELiNgS.

(Those people you can ignore.)

The others are well-meaning and curious!

They will ask you why you stopped eating animal products and then give you three options: health, animals, the environment.

Which is such a funny reaction, giving choices is rarely seen in any other small talk. “Congratulations you two! Such a beautiful wedding. So, tell me, why did you get married? Was it a. Love, b. Money, or c. Reality Show Contract?”

Former carnivores think this predictable question is their opportunity to convert people - to make them see the errors of their delicious, easy, society-approved ways.

It is not!

It is the chance for you to show how happy and confident you are in your own decision. Don’t get caught off guard and mumble something about a #Cowspiracy documentary.

Be prepared. And you definitely don’t have to take their choices. Say whatever you want! Be passionate, sarcastic, mysterious, or direct.

You can also choose to not say anything at all. It’s literally no one’s business.

(Or c. Reality show contract.)

Peel Off Those Labels!

No, not the little Vegan-Friendly sticker labels. The label of ‘Vegan’ itself.

Wait, you’re telling me to not…label myself? In an article about being more of this thing?

Sh, I know. It’s counter intuitive. But we’re on this rocket ride together baby just stay with me.

Labels can be fun! ”I’m an Aquarius!” “I’m a Swiftie !” “I’m a vampire !” Look how many communities I affiliate myself with!

But they can also be limiting and put pressure on what is an attainable and worthy goal.

In college, I read Jonathan Safran Foer’s Eating Animals and became the worst kind of zealot.

The kind who changes their Facebook status.

“Aviva is: VEGETARIAN!!!!!!!!!1”

Later that day, at the cafeteria for Chinese food night, I waited 25 min in line before remembering my new identity.

“Oh nuts, but I already waited 25 min,” I thought. “And I’ve also already started eating this egg roll. Guess that’s over with.”

My next attempt, I swore I would just call myself “trying my best.”

And I do!

Unfortunately, there’s no box on a flight or wedding meal menu for:

“So, like, I’m on a journey to reduce my intake of animal products for personal reasons, but I’m not perfect. Will I have a bite of a cheesecake my grandma brought to my holiday party?Maybe. But I will not beat myself up or give up because life is a series of choices and we’re all just trying to do what’s right.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: Uh Aviva – I don’t think vigilant vegans will be happy with this. Isn’t the whole point to be strict?

Just wait – I have facts to back me up! - AVIVA

Aha! Not when you look at the origins:

Coined in the 1940s, “Vegan ” was created by Donald Watson, founder of the first vegan society (named, wait for it, The Vegan Society ), after the Vegetarian Society refused to allocate a section of their newsletter for non-dairy-eating members. Plant drama.

He took the first three and last two letters of ‘vegetarian’ to create the new term.

The Vegan Society defines it as follows:

Veganism is a philosophy and way of living which seeks to exclude—as far as is possible and practicable—all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose; and by extension, promotes the development and use of animal-free alternatives for the benefit of animals, humans and the environment. In dietary terms it denotes the practice of dispensing with all products derived wholly or partly from animals.”

“Seeks.” “As far as possible.” “Practice.”

Trying your best has always been part of the process. We need more imperfect vegans out

there.

Go be imperfect!

Remember, you got this!