The New Playbook For Work: Emotional Intelligence

By David Owasi & Evgeny Gotfrid

The rules for professional work environments are changing. The new rules predict who is most likely to become a star performer and who is most prone to be derailed. Work environments have become more collaborative, team-oriented and growth-centered than ever before. There are less emphasis and glamour around being a solo reclusive genius. In this new age, strength in communication, integrity, adaptability, ethics, and leadership are the leading metrics of hireability, promotion, and employability. No matter what field we work in currently, these rules measure the traits that are crucial to our marketability for continued success or future jobs and careers. These rules have little to do with what we were told was important in school; academic abilities are largely irrelevant to this standard. The value of understanding and taking advantage of emotional intelligence (EQ) has never been more relevant to the cause of rising to the new demands of the modern work environment.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. An emotionally intelligent individual is both highly conscious of his or her own emotional states whether positive - joy, enjoyment, love or negative - frustration, sadness or resentment. An emotionally intelligent individual is also specially tuned in to the emotions others experience since they are attuned to theirs. Understanding and having this type of intelligence can be a game changer, it’s quite clear that having skills that encourages sensitivity to emotional signals from within and from the social environment could make one a better friend, parent, employee, and leader. Fortunately, these skills can be learned and honed. Our goals are to share some insights into practical steps to take to improve personal emotional intelligence as well as dissect the intricacies of emotional intelligence to provide a better understanding of the subject.

Emotional awareness

How often do you consider your internal affairs? When was the last time you’ve reflected on how your actions and emotions have impacted others? Both of these questions relate to emotional awareness - a sophisticated mental radar we all possess. Emotional awareness is the ability to recognize your emotion and their effects. Individuals at work who are competent in emotional awareness recognize how their feelings affect their performance, they are able to realize the links between their feelings and what they think, do, and say. Your mind, where emotions are processed is one of the greatest tools at your disposal, and learning how to leverage it can grant you immense success in your professional and personal life. The key to tapping into this potential starts with awareness which also goes hand in hand with self-control.

Self-control is a person’s ability to control their own emotions, thoughts, and behavior despite temptations. At work, self-control helps you to keep disruptive emotions and impulses in check. As such, it is a critical cognitive process that is useful in regulating your own behavior to achieve your goal. Just like many other skills, it works like a muscle - the more you practice it, the better you become at it. Self-control should be treated as a limited resource, it is hardest to execute when you are mentally tired or physically exhausted. Individuals at work who are competent in self-control stay composed, positive and reliable even in trying moments, they are also able to think clearly and stay focused under pressure.

Being able to practice restraints when you are tempted by impulse and temptation is a foundational building block for success, integrity, and character. Take a moment to consider your own strength with this skill. What are some impulses or temptations that you are trying to work through? When was a time that you missed a goal due to the lack of self-control? Think through these questions and write them down. Here are some steps you can take to improve your self-control at work and in life:

1) Identify the target behavior that you are trying to regulate.

2) Analyze the behavior by answering the following questions:

• When did this behavior start?
• How is it impacting you?
• How will changing this help you?
• What triggers the behavior?

3) Isolate the behavior when temptation occurs

4) Write down what you are being tempted to do

5) On the same page, note how the giving into this temptation will impact you

6) Keep the page in front of you until the urge goes away, and throw it out once it does

These basic steps will help you exercise control throughout the day to save yourself time, and depending on the behavior - save your integrity. Practicing self-control regularly will allow you to stand out at your workplace. It will also help you build a reputation as someone who has integrity, is reliable, which in turn creates future opportunities.

Empathy is another powerful tool of emotional awareness and is a particularly important skill to possess as a professional. Being empathetic means having the ability to understand the feelings and perspectives of others. Most jobs involve an extensive amount of interaction with other people, and every single person we work with is different. How we behave, what we say, or what we do can be perceived very differently. Being aware of how your actions impact others can allow you to make the right adjustments to cater your communication to different individuals and groups. This personal approach will not only allow you to build better relationships, but it will help you advance in your workplace as a “people person”. If you happen to be in a role that involves sales (service, product, value, etc.), this is one of the most foundational components of persuasive selling. People buy from those they trust, and the foundation of trust is built on good relationships. Individuals at work who are competent in empathy are attentive to emotional cues and listen well. They are also able to show sensitivity and try to understand other’s perspective while also taking an active interest in their concerns.

Empathy involves a number of layers:

• Listening/Observing - communication is typically accompanied by many cues of tone, emotion, and choice of words. Make sure you listen to the person in front of you, without ammo-loading your next response. When you actively listen and observe their body language or tone, you will be able to better understand them
• Validating - When the person in front of you finishes speaking, validate what you heard to make sure that you are on the same page. You don’t have to say things word for word, but give them an idea of what you captured so that they know you understand.
• Following up - Check in on how they are feeling about the interaction or the topic that you discussed at the end of a conversation.

Self-Assessment

Accurate self-assessment is the ability to know one’s inner resources, abilities, and limits. People who are competent in self-assessment are aware of their strengths and weaknesses, are reflective and learn from experience. They are also open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous learning, and self-development as well as being able to show a sense of humor and perspective about themselves. Self-assessment at work is important for success as it means that you can make the best use of your strengths to hit your goals while seeking coaching and mentorship in areas of weakness. Individuals who master this skill are able to understand how best they can contribute to a team project, helping them to enhance their reputation and grow into being important members of teams they are part of.

The path to self-discovery is a life-long journey that is the sum of our self-reflection. Sounds daunting right? Fortunately, getting better at self-assessment is quite simple with some discipline. Your best tool to get better at this skill is a journal - a place to write down your thoughts and to create some self-dialogue. The more you journal to sit in your thoughts, the more data you will have to work with. As such, we have two tips and two pieces of advice.

Steps

1) Choose your journal. Don’t worry about getting the fancy $60 leather-bound books. You can find one for less than $10 in most bookstores. We like using the medium size lined-paper Moleskine journals. You can also choose to do this digitally, but we find it less intimate and advise against it as you are more likely to get distracted.

2) Get started! It doesn’t have to look pretty, flow, or even have proper sentence structure. The main idea here is to pen your thoughts on paper and reflect on the good, the exciting, and the ugly. Note down the things that are going well, the things that you are excited about, and the things that are challenging.

Tips

1) Closely related to step 2, keep it simple and don’t overthink it. Get started with “Hello Journal, my day has been _______”. Just get that pen on the paper and write down your self-dialogue.

2) Don’t feel pressured to write every day, or to be elaborate in how you express themselves. If you can journal 2-3 times a week, you’re in great shape and it won’t feel like a chore.

Adaptability

Being Adaptable means meeting challenges as they rise and adjusting your strategy or style based on what is needed most. Individuals who are adaptable at work stay open to novel ideas and approaches and demonstrate flexibility in responding to change. Adaptability means not being halted by sudden changes, rather these individuals remain comfortable with uncertainty understanding that uncertainties are out of their control. Practical steps to improve adaptability involves seeking out fresh ideas from a wide variety of sources, choosing to entertain original solutions to problems you face, generate new ideas, and not being afraid to take risks in your thinking and approach to challenges.

The single most important step to become more adaptable, is actively putting yourself in situations that requires you to adapt. Every single one of us has a comfort zone, which is our individual emotional bandwidth. A single step beyond the reach of this bandwidth feels uncomfortable, and every added step adds more layers of anxiety, uncertainty, and fear. Crossing this comfort zone is a catalyst for adaptation, and when you actively put yourself in an environment where you need to adapt, you will then grow into someone who is comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is an edge that companies are willing to pay for, and you need this edge if you wish to beat mediocrity. Here are three points of advice to help you build this skill:

1. Take on projects, opportunities, or tasks that either intimidate you or in which you have a skill gap. This could be volunteering your time towards a new company initiative or challenge.
2. Be vulnerable. When you take on something that is new, make it clear that you have a few gaps in knowledge, and that you may need help. This will make it easier for you to take the next step.
3. Ask for help. People appreciate those who help them even if they do not immediately have everything figured out. Put in the necessary leg work to figure out as much as you can on your own, but when you get stuck, ask for assistance. Others will be more than happy to help and fill the gaps.

This will result in you developing into a stand out performer and become a person who is known for their ability to take on new challenges and excel. This can put you on the map for promotion, new roles, bigger responsibility, and potentially bigger pay. It also guarantees your development as a professional.