New Growth 2024

Donna Loza, LCPC, CADC, CODPI

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As one year comes to a close, a new year is around the corner.? We find ourselves wondering what might be in store for us as we begin to hear whispers of new year resolutions among our friends and family around the Christmas table. ??We question ourselves, will we find our forever spouse, will we finally get to start that family, or will we be ready to open up the business we have been speaking about for years.

? Either way, a change to our lives is something that we are seeking.? A change to add more meaning and purpose to our life can be both exhilarating and daunting at the same time.? It means knowing that something inside of us, also needs to change to be both mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared to start, follow through and complete those goals.?

????????????? ?For many of us, we put off those dreams and goals because of our negative self-talk.? Oh, you know what I mean, that internal dialogue that consists of choice phrases we tell ourselves, that quite frankly, just get in our way, “Why would she give me the time of day; I’ll just sit here at the bar nursing my drink alone.”? Or “I’ve had two miscarriages; I should just give up my dream of having a family.”? Or “I’ll fail at opening the business anyways, so what is the point in trying?”?

I would like to use an analogy of a garden here to illustrate how we begin to work through our goals and dreams.? In this garden, there is a brick paver walkway that leads from the driveway back into a garden.? There is a wooden fence that frames the yard.? On one side of the house there are pottery full of hydrangeas and peonies. ??There are a couple of maple trees on the other side of the yard while a flowering white dogwood tree in the center of the garden.? There is a patio off of the sliding glass doors of the house, that includes lawn furniture with comfy pillows and a large stone fireplace that is already glowing with orange flames.? It’s very inviting, it makes us wonder what the inside of the house has to offer. ?As we enter the sliding glass doors, we notice the kitchen is run down, the cabinets are falling off the wall, the refrigerator broken and there are some missing tiles from the floor.? This tells us that this kitchen is not so useful for cooking at this time. ??We continue to walk from room to room and notice that the lighting is bad, the windows are filthy, the bathroom is missing walls with a toilet standing all by itself.? There is a second floor however the banister is not available and one step is missing.? We quickly understand that this house needs some work.?

A great question to ask oneself while inviting a potential spouse into our lives, starting a family or thinking of opening that business, might be, “what are they coming home to?”? In other words, what is going on inside oneself; mentally, emotionally, and physically that is causing us to delay, not follow through with projects or find ways to self-sabotage our efforts to move forward.? As in the garden, it can draw us in but what does the house look like on the inside.? Or we can think about it this way, we can clean ourselves up, put on nice clothes, keep our manners in check and smile however if our inside doesn’t match the outside, we need to find ways to work that through in order for there to be consistency and congruence between what we are putting out there and what is happening on the inside.

? As one prepares to plant, there are many things to take into consideration such as, the soil, the clearing of the weeds, what seeds to use, the sunlight, mulching and the watering it takes to prepare to have this beautiful garden.? Not to mention, the time and energy one pours into the day-to-day maintenance in making sure the plants have what they need.? ?We can use this idea towards focusing and planning for our own inner growth.? How do we grow on the inside?? We all have thoughts in our heads, some are more negative self-talk while others are more positive encouraging self-talk.? Our thoughts can make a difference in how we feel and what we do.? Our thoughts can make a difference in what and how we are motivated to focus and finish what we started out to do.? ?When we focus our thoughts on being more encouraging and strength based such as, “This isn’t easy but I can do hard things,” Or “Making mistakes is part of learning,” Or “I can choose to be brave,” it allows us to reframe our mental health to help us prepare to reach our goal.?

In striving to reach our goals, are we emotionally prepared for the ups and downs of trying new things and starting over?? Do we tend to be more reactive to situations that causes us to have emotional outbursts when we can’t control the outcome?? Or are we able to respond to the situations with respect and objectively.? Are we able to move on when someone we like isn’t interested in us the way that we had hoped.? Are we able to grieve our deep losses and find hope in trying again. Are we financially stable to open a business or are we robbing peter to pay paul??? Where our emotional health is, can make a big impact in how we handle the everydayness of life.? Do we need a mentor or therapist to help guide and provide discernment and leadership for when we need more support.?

Taking care of your physical health plays a vital role in accomplishing goals and focusing on new endeavors. ?Our physical needs include upcoming Doctor visits, going to the Dentist, getting the annual mammogram or blood test to check thyroid levels.? Are we getting the recommended 8 hours of sleep per night to help us focus and stay alert the next day? ??Are we eating our fruits and veggies to keep us healthy?? ?It is recommended that we all get in at least 30 minutes of exercise per day whether it be walking and some physical activity. Exercising triggers, a release of dopamine and serotonin, which has been shown in helping decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety.?

As 2024 is upon us, may we approach it with new insight and vigor. ?In cleaning up inside our house, we explore our own mental, emotional and physical health. We can begin to ponder the hard questions about the changes we need in our lives to produce the results we desire. In doing so, we build resilience and growth, coupled with a lifetime of meaning and purpose.?

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