A New Checkpoint: How I realised I "peaked" in high school... and how I came out of it...

I'm going to let you in on a little embarrassing story...

Peaking in high school is understood as 'I had the best memories of school' and/or having a large group of friends in school OR you were just super cool and moody... like me.

I realised I peaked in high school this last year when I couldn't stop thinking about things that happened in school; the friend who 'betrayed' me, the stories of every day... yada yada

In fact, in my first somatic session - this is exactly what I released from my system. Something I couldn't get rid of for 9 years, I got rid of in 1 one-hour session with my chronic pain somatic practitioner. This is what blew my mind about somatics in the first place: how did my body hold the memories of the past so tightly, that these memories had sensations, images, feelings, heat and cold and all of the descriptions we usually describe things with?

THIS was when I knew somatics was the way forward. I had tried all the mindset work to get rid of the thought of betrayal, as betrayal cuts so deep. I hadn't even seen that person for 9 years and still at random times, I would think about them - wondering how they were doing.

I had accepted that it was a soulmate connection and that's why I couldn't forget about them. In fact, we are connected here on Linkedin so maybe they will read this (Hi!) or maybe not.

Regardless, without making this person my muse... I want to get on with my story.

My chronic pain specialist asked me my goals with somatic therapy... I told her:

• no more debilitating back pain (it was so sharp, I couldn't get up)
• no more post-partum weight
• no more past memories of bygones.

And I got that and more from it. I realised that my 7 years of double degree of Psychology and Laws had led me to this exact moment:

6 months of being stuck in a limbo where my uni wouldn't graduate me (thanks Macquarie) and the next uni wouldn't accept me because of no official transcript. This was frustrating as you can imagine, as someone who wanted to pursue psychology to be a psychologist and couldn't graduate and thought: "what a waste of 6 months it's about to be"

I realised what it is I actually want to bring to this world and it is: a new checkpoint

I described this in my other article, which I will self-plagiarise here: "checkpoints are described as "places or moments in the game where the file saves automatically. If you lose or get eliminated for any reason, you will start over from that same point."

The problem with mindset work is that it can take you from A to B, but a lot of successful people keep hitting similar ceilings at bigger scales in their business and life and a part of them always goes: "Not this again." because mindset work falls short at checkpoint creation.

With mindset work your checkpoint remains being the parentified child at age 3 and at every level's ceiling you reach, you find yourself re-hashing something from the past (that you have looked at multiple times) instead of having a new checkpoint to consider things from: let's say, the last fallout with a business partner or an argument with a romantic partner."

Too many people bank on subconscious programming and the mind is really powerful, but nobody talks about how your body holds memories. Nobody talks about the other half of the equation, the vehicle that takes you through life, the stories that your body has to say.

The mindset work is half of the game, and yes of course we do mindset work. But actually we finish the response that your body wasn't allowed to finish because of whatever reason, we get you in the game again.

I felt so disconnected from my own life even though I had so much going on for me: I got married, I had my own place to live in, I had a baby, and two degrees.

AND still I identified with the old Radia. The one in school.

And yeah, I was embarrassed to admit it. But admitting it, got me out of it.

And I realised all of us are just really good pretenders.

Some people will read this and be like: "Wow what a DORK, she really gotta grow up", others will resonate and know what I'm talking about, they will know why they keep thinking about things in the past, or a specific person or a specific situation.

They know that it doesn't help them in any way and yet, here they are, feeling stuck in their own bodies for some reason or another. I am going to explain why.

Polyvagal Theory explains how our autonomic nervous system has evolved to protect us and keep us alive by regulating physiological responses to safety or danger. Developed by Stephen Porges, the theory highlights how mammals, including humans, have developed a second, more advanced system for managing stress and engaging socially, mediated by the myelinated vagus nerve.

When we perceive safety, this newer system allows us to engage in social interactions and co-regulate our physiological states with others. However, when we encounter danger, the sympathetic nervous system activates the fight-or-flight response. If the threat persists and the fight-or-flight mode fails to resolve the danger, the more primitive, unmyelinated pathways take over, leading to immobilization—a state that can cause us to shut down both mentally and physically. Unmyelinated means: faster responses, quicker reflexes, more regrets.

The idea of simply "moving on" from trauma is not sufficient for this reason. When the body experiences stress or trauma, it can get stuck in fight-or-flight or immobilization modes, and without fully processing or completing the physiological response, the nervous system remains in a defensive state.

This can manifest as chronic stress, anxiety, dissociation, or other behavioral and physical issues. Since mammals didn’t evolve to easily recover from immobilization states, returning to a sense of safety requires more than just intellectual awareness—it involves working with the body to complete its natural responses, often through practices that engage the vagus nerve and social engagement system to restore balance and resilience.

You can listen to a better summary by the man himself.

The Polyvagal Theory: Explained

This theory is described in a way of the ladder. Below you have dorsal vagal or shutdown, this is where heart rate can be decreased (low blood pressure), you can feel a deep numbness of pain and pleasure, and your pain threshold increases. More colloquially called the freeze response. Many high-achieving women can be stuck in this response - and there is hope to get out of it.

The second part, as you climb up the ladder (think of the ladder as least activated to most activated states), although that's not the best description. Many people as tey deal with their shame and despair, can feel quite angry and rageful - this is a good sign that the treatment is working but also when lots of relational issues can arise as people realise or want to transform their relations. Think: boundary-setting.

Top of the ladder is when we are all performing our best, we aren't projecting or being overly defensive, we are grounded in our leadership and know how to manage our time and emotions well - this propels our growth in life and business. This is the ideal place to be when you are not in danger or in a precarious situation.

This is the place most of us get our most creative ideas from, where we create from, where all of our most exciting forms of life live.

So, do I still think I peaked in high school?

No. I think my peak still hasn't come, and after dealing with the stuff that happened in school somatically and not via talk therapy I realised this: a lot of us premature into adulthood because we don't allow our bodies to finish a response. What I mean by that, is that it wasn't allowed to grieve, mourn, tantrum at the things that mattered most.

Instead, we practice apathy and 'I don't care' as if that gets us anywhere. It is when we accept our emotions and our feelings and don't make them mean anything about us where we find true healing.

This is where a practitioner can really aid your success. Somatic therapy needs a reflective mirror. When you combine it with HTMA - which I do - what tends to happen is as you physiologically readjust to your timeline and the present, old traumas will come up - we deal with these somatically. Somatics ensures your body completes the response, and you don't ever have to keep going back to 14 year old you who got betrayed by a friend who you just could never get over, until now.

You can book a 20-min consult here, to find out if somatic + HTMA is right for you.