A New Beginning

If you have followed my writing for a while, you will know that I write about all things relating to value and business strategy. I like to keep my family and business life separate, but something happened that encouraged me to review that belief.

It’s strange; one day, as a parent, you’re cradling them, feeding them, and then your child becomes an adult and brings their child or children into the world.

Amid covid, I became a grandad – my first. His name is Mateo. My daughter sent me a note about her experience of birthing him and becoming a mother. I expect it will resonate with many women. It was beautifully written, powerful, and moving. So much so that I decided to share it with you.

Renita’s story:

It’s been a year since I stepped into the role of a mother. The role that I wasn’t ready for, the role that I didn’t know, would consume so much of my life, no matter how much people told me. It’s also been the role that has changed my life and given me a newfound purpose.

A purpose and journey that I must nurture, grow and keep a miniature mini version of me alive.

Wow! I look back at my pregnancy and birth experience, and I think, wow. I grew a human in my body and bought him into this world. I felt like such a failure the first few weeks after giving birth, just for the simple fact that I couldn’t physically push him into the world.

I like to do things on my own and accomplish them independently, and I felt that I couldn’t do that in the first moments of his life, and I beat myself up about it internally for ages.

As I reflect on my birthing experience, I am thankful that I had doctors who worked quickly on their feet. It would’ve taken one slow reaction or lack of negligence,, and neither my baby nor I would be here today. I told myself that every day, I’m here, AND my baby is here. We are both going home.

Repeating this to myself helped me get out of my dark thoughts of guilt and failure. It’s been hard accepting that I am not who I was; I don’t look like how I used to. I have a new drive, a new body, and a new me. Mateo’s birth was my rebirth. I have no idea what I am doing most days, just winging and ensuring that my child is fine in many ways.

I would say; however, that I feel very let down by the NHS system. Becoming a mother changes your world entirely, and the birthing process is exhausting, absolutely exhausting.

You are expected to go through this and immediately adapt to being a mother despite your state. I could barely move after birth; I was n excruciating pain. How am I going to feed my baby? Am I doing it right? How will I get to the toilet?.

I had so many questions which plagued my mind once those lights went off in the maternity ward. We were alone, three mothers in our cubicles, not knowing what to do with our crying babies; the silence was sometimes deafening.

I had to accept defeat every time I pressed the buzzer for the nurse to pass me, my baby. Some nurses made me feel incapable & weak for asking, and others were so helpful. I learned quickly that healthcare isn’t a job that suits everybody.

We always talk about the bad stuff of pregnancy, birth, etc., but there are some beautiful moments that I wish I could just put in my pockets and bottle up and replay them as the years go by. Like when your baby first recognises you and smiles, or when you’re feeding in the night, and it’s just you and them, they need you, and you need them.

Despite the severe sleep deprivation, we women somehow find this strength to provide for our children. What is that? Where do we get that strength from? It’s absolutely amazing.

I am so blessed to have a partner who has been there every step of the way. I feel we need to give more appreciation to the partners and husbands who go above and beyond. My partner was so strong; he was everything I needed and nurtured me as I’ve never had before. I could barely speak at times, but he was my saviour, putting all my needs before his own.

As I write this, I think to myself have I asked him how he is? How did he deal with seeing me like that? I wondered if the dynamics of our relationship would change, but we’ve become stronger than ever.

He makes me feel beautiful on my worst days; he doesn’t make me feel worse for not bouncing back to the fit size eight that I was when he met me. Instead, he encourages me and tries to make me remember to love and value myself more.

We weren’t prepared to be parents, but here we are, seven months in, and our baby is thriving and happy. I get excited at the thought of bringing another mini human into the world one day.

Signed proud mama to Mateo