Never Trust A Frown or a Smile

I was on stage in Dallas and in the zone, giving what I thought was a pretty epic talk when I locked eyes with Debbie Downer.

If you've heard of RBF (resting-b*tch-face), this woman had it, and the second I found her in the audience, she slayed me with it.

I knew she hated me, loathed me, despised me, and couldn't wait to get me off stage!?Maybe she'd even pull me off stage herself in one of those "Showtime at the Apollo you are bombing and get off the stage" moves.

I WAS SHOOK.

Mentally I'm trying to ignore her, but my eyes kept finding her eyes.

Ugh, why do my eyes keep finding her eyes?

From that moment on, I felt like I started presenting to change her mind and to make her like me.?I was so worried about how bored I thought she was that I stopped having fun on stage.?Internally I was torturing myself, which sucked the joy out of my joy-filled message.?Now, it's likely that no one in the audience was any the wiser, but I was, and that's enough to drive you crazy.

So the talk is over; I graciously receive my accolades and get my sh*t together backstage as I prepare for the book signing and meet + greet after.

There was a long line, and towards the beginning of the signing, two very excited and eager women run up asking for selfies immediately telling me how great the talk was and how much they loved me.?And of course, my ego adored this moment, so we took all the selfies, and I thanked them for the kind words and sent them on their way to keep the line moving.

About two minutes later, I see that resting bitch face is in line.

Oh God, what does she want, is she? Is she here to murder me? Will she verbally shred me here in front of all these people? Will she pick up one of my books and throw it at me?

Gulp.

I was a nervous wreck.

But, of course, Fear is my Homeboy, so I took a deep breath and trusted that God always has a plan.

Eventually, RBF is standing right in front of me.

I take a deep breath as she reaches out for me.

Oh no.

She grabs my shoulders.

Looks right at me.

Here we go.

Then she says through tears, "you have no idea how timely your talk was for me today. I lost my son, Joseph, a year ago this week, and I have been so afraid to be happy. Your talk today reminded me that I have to stop being afraid of things I cannot control and finally set myself free. I need to be Joseph's Mom, not someone who lost a son.?This is how I will honor him."

Whoa.

• RBF didn't have RBF at all; RBF was processing.
• RBF was feeling all the feels and transforming in front of my eyes.
• RBF and I hugged it out, took a selfie, then she went on her way.

As the line ended, I went to the restroom before heading to the airport.

That's when it happened.

Remember those two girls who were first in line, snapping selfies and telling me how much they loved me? Well, they were in the bathroom, too, but talking trash about me thinking I was long gone.

I wish I could tell you I was brave enough to leave the bathroom stall and put them in their place.

But I didn't.

I morphed right back into "grade school Judi" and hid in my stall, awkwardly picking my feet up and holding them up until they cleared the bathroom. (I think my abs are?still?sore)

And to make it worse, I sat in that stall for another ten minutes to be 100% sure they were gone when I walked out.?I was shaking, I was sweating, I was mortified, and yeah, I was pissed.

AND

I also had to smile because God gave me a big gift that day.

And it's a lesson that serves me to this very moment:

Never trust a frown or a smile.

You never really know what is going on inside someone else, and the only thing you should ever make your business is how YOU show up.

• Are you leading with love?
• Are you having fun??
• Are you being you??
• Will you feel proud on the other side of whatever you're doing??
• Are you happy??
• Do you have people at home that love you?
• Do you love you?

These are the only things that, in the long run, matter.

So the next time you encounter an RBF or an overly eager "fan girl," never forget that things aren't always as they seem.

Oh, and PS:?RBF for me these days means?Really Big Feels?to remind me of the woman I met that day in Dallas.

It works every time.