Never say “NO"! ... Discover the power of the "Conditional Yes"

Persuasion, Argumentation and Human Relations - Management and Negotiation in Focus!

                    ** To the Portuguese/br version click here !     

Today's article begins with a history, but is no any history. It's your history!

   Yes, yours! ...

 And though you do not remember, it was extremely important at a crucial moment of your life, able to form some of its most natural and uncontrollable reactions.

 This history begins:

It was once a human being, to the few months of life, so it gets to be aware of your body, of your movements and the world around him, so he gets to stretch hands and fingers to touch things, to interact, to exist… Well ... at the so magical moment, that human being knows something he does not like but that will follow for the rest of his life.

 Hi! I present to you the "NO" !!!

 The more he finds himself able to interact with the world, more the "NO" is present. It is impossible to calculate how many times a baby hears the word "NO", but it is no exaggeration to say that a child at nine months of age listening more "NO" than any other word.

"NO" move it !!! Do “NOT” do that!!!  Do “NOT” mess!!! " Can “NOT”!!! " Will “NOT” !!! " Do “NOT” come!!! "NO"!!! “NO” ........... !!! !!! !!!

  And then the history continues, but from this point forward you know what happens, after all, it is your life we're talking about. For this article only the first few months matter.

 Going to the practice of this history!

According to psychoanalysis and neuroscience, what happens is that such systematic exposure to "NO" creates neural associations such as denial, problem, obstacle, loss, limitation and a multitude of difficult negative feelings to deal with that in a very subtle way, end up shaping an irrational and primitive part of your brain, which is also linked to the survival instinct and tend to react to any lower risk signal. In other words: The "NO" becomes a risk!

 Starts to become easy to understand why there is so many people have difficulty in dealing with the "NO".

 When a person hears a "NO", it matters little whether after this "NO" you listed several good arguments that support your "NO"... The person who receives a "NO" tends not to listen to you afterwards, and if  he listen to you, will interpret irrationally any argument her ... And there is no struggle, there is no way to change that.

 Entering the practice in business reality. In all the relationships that we will establish, there will always be issues where "NO" is a answers of the easiest and usual. But I tell you that, however much it may seem right, we should never use the "NO"... Ever! There is a wise and consistent output to the "NO" that, in addition to ensuring the same effect, makes your call partner cannot look at you as the culprit of all his problems.

Discover the power of "Conditional Yes"

Unlike the "NO", the "yes" triggers rational part of your brain that generate satisfaction and provide opportunities for reasoning and structured thoughts.

 When you can not answer with a nice "YES" and you know you had a problem if you answer with a "NO", a hope emerges to save you: The "CONDIOCIONAL YES" - And how does this work? Simple! Consider the analogy:

 You get a question whose answer is "NO", but you do not want to deal with the dissatisfaction of his party. And simply answer "yes" is not feasible. So the natural solution is "CONDITIONAL YES" where at first, in your answer, you give the caller the "YES". This will instantly generate satisfaction and let his brain prepared for logical and rational questions. In the following, without giving time for him to say anything, you continue speaking with a conditional sentence to make the "YES" is feasible.

 The amazing what happens now is that in the first moment, the caller will feel the duty to meet the condition given to him because his brain linked it to "YES" that he wants to keep. In a second moment the brain will rationally assess the condition that, if you knew argue correctly, will lead his party to conclude that the condition can not be achieved. Then the third magical moment occurs. The brain of the caller triggers a personal sense of failure, impotence, weakness, disappointment. Literally a high scourge by feel unable to meet a condition that would be the way to what he wants. These negative feelings trigger a self-perception of shame. And it's this shame associated with the previous logical reasoning to make your interlocutor concluded that "YES" is impossible, leaving him the "NO", which he himself gives without much questioning.

The "CONDITIONAL YES" is a great strategy where you do not say "NO" to your

interlocutor, but leads him to conclude for yourself that "NO" is the right answer! No matter how clever, powerful or smart caller is. When he is given a "NO", nothing more is needed.

Conclusion:

Do not fight with science and evolution of the human brain that is well and developed for thousands of years and will not change just because you think people have to learn to listen to "NO"

Be out of the box! Think different: Instead of taking the maxim that in a matter of "YES" or "NO" have to have a binary response, open your mind, develop the arguments, present the actual conditions, know communicate !!!

 Certainly its partners thank the "NO" you did not tell them and follow you!

Did you like this article? Do you agree? Disagree? Suggestions? Feel free to comment and share.

by Gustavo Ferretti