'It is Never Nice to Meet You'

Politico Advises Us on How Not to Network

Politico recently published a survival guide with 27 tips on how to navigate the networking terrain in Washington, D.C.

It is a fun read for anyone with experience interacting with the former hall monitors,?overachievers, and staffers whose badge colors convey status (IYKYK) who aim to get mentioned on the list of partygoers in Politico’s Playbook. ?

Interestingly, the article’s first tip advises us to say, “It is nice to see you,” even if we are meeting someone for the first time. Why? It is one way to avoid that awkward exchange when we say, “Oh, it is nice to meet you,” and then the other person replies, “Oh, we met …when we worked in the same office for three years …and you came to my wedding.”

This exchange is only made worse if other people witness our faces going into a social death spiral. Granted, this example is a bit extreme, made all the more dramatic with ellipses to underscore the unfolding of facts that make us look self-absorbed beyond measure.

The advice around using the “Nice to see you” greeting is not new in my household.

In fact, more than 20 years ago, my husband designed and framed a list he titled Ten Things I’ve Learned Living in Dupont Circle, an homage to the neighborhood that serves as the historical home to DC’s LGBTQ community. Number two on that list is this line: It is never “Nice to meet you”; it is always “Nice to see you.”

?What can I say, he was ahead of his time.

In fact, the framed lifestyle list occupies such a prominent place in our condo that friends starting texting us the link to the article. No worries, Politico, there will be no trademark actions on this one. Sound advice is a public good.

Whenever these kinds of articles or lists make their way into the capital city’s conversation loop, I am reminded of Dr. Maya Angelou’s sage advice: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Although I never framed her quote in the way my husband did his tips of living in Dupont Circle, it is almost always taped or pinned to the office wall.

In fact, the Politico article touches on a many networking situations where the Angelou Advice would be a good touchstone.

For instance, let’s talk jobs. Friends from other cities often complain that DC residents are obsessed with where people work. I quibble with their assessment, though I often encounter the wandering eyes reaction from individuals who deem me unhelpful to their social striving. Whatever. The short exchanges give me time to get another beer and find a better conversationalist.

For this scenario, Politico offers alternatives to the “What do you do?” or “For whom do you work?”—questions that reinforce this negative attribute about our community. The article offers “How long have you been in D.C.?” or “How do you know the host?” or “How did you and your spouse meet?”

Having used Politico’s recommended lines of inquiry multiple times, I discovered common experiences and learned fun facts about people from around the world who work in a variety of industries. DC is a great city. Full stop.

Here is the caveat: Do not use these alternative questions if the true aim is to determine whether a person can be a stop on your ambition tour. The nicer questions will not conceal the wandering eyes or, even worse, the glance down at the phone as the person is speaking. The people we snub will not remember the question, but they will remember the feeling of being dismissed. I mean, Maya Angelou told us that. In DC, this person could also end up serving in the president’s cabinet or, even more important, control the guest list for a major party. Let’s hope the individual feels like being more gracious than we were in that initial encounter.

As far as the other 25 tips in Politico’s article, many make me laugh.

Let’s take book parties—a staple on our social scene.

One tip advises us to avoid asking hardball questions during book readings; instead, make a brief point and ask a fun question. May this practice take hold, please.

Building on book etiquette, another item deals with how to promote friends’ books. Apparently spotlighting the book on social media is akin to reading it. (Hey, Jeffrey Nussbaum , I absolutely read Undelivered (loved it!), and, Katherine Miller , I will also promote and read your upcoming book on food policy and activism.)

One thing Politico missed is advice on how to deal with friends who write random articles on LinkedIn and then reference them in conversations. It is okay not to have read these screeds (believe me), but in my case, I would beam if you told me, “It is so great you are doing that.” This simple reply releases you from the responsibility to read anything and assigns a positive note to this practice.

So, as ?this #WritingWednesdays piece ends, I must say it is nice to see you this far down the page—and I hope you leave this experience with both a smile and the promise to use “It is nice to see you” during your next networking session.