Never Make a Mistake to be Friend with Your?Manager

I had a cool manager, or at least that was my perception at the time. It made me content.

While others grumbled about their managers, I felt fortunate to have a different and affable one.

However, it turned out to be a mirage. In 2021, that illusion shattered, and by 2022, I bid farewell to the job for good.

In January 2021, while at the office, my manager approached me. Seeing him, as usual, brought me joy. What followed was a disheartening exchange:

“Have you completed that file?”

“No, I’m still working on it. I’ll send it by EOD.”

“WTF? I need it now. Things aren’t working. Maybe you need a stricter manager,” he remarked, gesturing towards one of my peers.

His abrupt and disrespectful comment caught me off guard.

While reporting to that person wasn’t an issue, how it was said left me feeling diminished, a sensation I wasn’t accustomed to.

For a week, my confidence plummeted, and it hit rock bottom upon learning that my manager had been promoted to CEO. The pieces fell into place. I comprehended the behavior from that day.

Before that conversation, he was more than a manager; he was a friend, or so I thought. But it was a one-sided perception.

It took several months to recover from that ordeal.

Recently, the incident resurfaced in my mind upon hearing about a 25-year-old who committed suicide due to work pressure. He hailed from a top-tier college.

Thankfully, my family pulled me out of that dark phase.

We often take our work and the people in it too seriously.

Allow me to delve deeper into the reasons and solutions.

What Happens When You Take Work Seriously?—?Being overly affected by your manager and their behavior.

My family is exceptionally understanding a rarity.

From 2015 to 2022, like any working individual, I experienced bad moods. These directly impacted my relationships with family members.

Weekends were particularly challenging. I became accustomed to living for them, indulging in alcohol and junk food. However, even then, there was no quality time with family.

Gradually, I distanced myself from family and close friends. Whenever they reached out, I had stock responses:

• Not available this weekend. Let’s plan for the next.
• I’m in a meeting. I’ll call you when I’m free. (I never was.)

Eventually, my family had to call me twice for me to pick up the phone.

Burnout was a constant companion. My mind was never at ease.

Alcohol became my sole interest, a catalyst for deepening depression. Perhaps, I was in depression, but I never sought confirmation.

Another harmful habit was finding a scapegoat for anything in my life:

• He’s playing politics.
• They’re favouring her, without reason.
• My increment was low because the company wasn’t doing well.
• He’s meddling in my work. I can’t function.

All this took a toll on my physical health. I became obese, indulging in unhealthy eating habits and neglecting exercise. High blood pressure and heart rate became my new normal.

Work quality suffered as I focused solely on appeasing my manager, disregarding my capabilities. I ceased using my brain and blindly followed instructions to keep him satisfied.

This dependency was the worst aspect of the 9-to-5 grind, a major contributor to burnout and job resignations.

Let’s delve further.

We Work For a Goal and Not a Person?—?Don’t work for your?manager.

“People leave managers, not companies.”?—?Marcus Buckingham

I failed to grasp the essence of this quote until my encounter with my manager, the ‘ugly manager.’

Reflecting on my journey, I offer some advice:

Don’t endure nonsense like:

• I need the presentation in fifteen minutes.
• Can you take this call for me?
• Wait for me; I’ll explain this. You can’t handle it.
• Let’s finish this project, then we’ll vacation in the Maldives.

These are traps. While they may seem productive, they only lead to despair.

No one should coerce or entice you into work. If it’s urgent, it’s likely due to someone else’s laziness. Why shoulder that burden?

Demand answers. If the manager can’t provide them, consider it a red flag. There are many more, such as:

• Needing the manager’s presence to speak to their superior.
• Copying the manager on every email.
• Facing ‘urgent’ tasks during your leave.
• Being publicly reprimanded.
• Witnessing the manager claim credit for successes.

What should you do?

• Foster independent relationships within the company.
• Maintain open communication with your manager.
• Don’t overextend yourself. Extra work for a minor salary bump isn’t worth it.

Remember, we work for the company’s goals, not anyone else’s.

They Can Never Be Friends?—?Maintain professional boundaries with your?manager.

A ‘cool’ or ‘friendly’ manager is a fallacy.

Your manager can never be your friend. Period.

Yet, in a human environment, drawing that line becomes challenging.

Naturally, we become friendly with our managers, which is where problems arise.

Expectations soar, and egos clash. We struggle to accept our mistakes, expecting understanding from them.

What should you do?

• Keep interactions professional.
• Maintain distance at office gatherings.
• Avoid sharing personal anecdotes.

I’ve yet to meet a manager who sees their team as anything but resources. Human resources!

Have Your Identity?—?Don’t lose yourself.

Work in your style, consistently.

To please our managers, we:

• Adapt to their expectations.
• Adopt their approach.
• Mirror their speech and mannerisms.

But they’re not the pinnacle.

Life extends beyond the job.

They aren’t mentors; don’t treat them as such.

Do you truly aspire to be like them?

Acquire skills, excel, and be the best. That’s the real goal.

I felt deeply inadequate when my manager offered life advice. How could they decide my future, earnings, or societal position?

It wasn’t their fault; it was mine. I needed to change, and I did.

Takeaway

• You aren’t your manager’s subordinate; work for the company’s goals.
• Your manager isn’t your friend. Dispelling that myth is crucial.
• Don’t let your manager influence you. They’re not your goal.

Maintain your identity.