It Never Gets Easier

Some funerals hit me harder than others. I have attended funerals for faculty members, parents of friends and even the son of a classmate. When someone rose up in a dark hour- it doesn't matter how long ago high school was.

Thanks to my father's abandonment disguised as a divorce I am like a fly in amber forever stuck in that era. Regardless of that, I paid my respects. There are not many opportunities to put on a suit. I even wore a different tie.

Usually the opportunity to wear a necktie is so infrequent I go with the tie my father bought on his trip to China or the water lilies tie from Dapy- a fascinating store only I remember.

Before recalling what was purchased at Chiasso- I drove to Reston. With the eternal construction on Route 7 I thought "Stephanie did not live to see the completion of this roadwork."

I doubt her children or grandchildren will, either. When I found the church on the left side while I was in the right lane- I had to Tokyo drift to reach my destination.

At least there were no other vehicles around. The church was full- not like the picture of this rustic church visited for the first time. I was on time and seeing a full church led me to think "I won't have this."

My father used to talk about my funeral. Me had me on deathwatch for no good reason wasting years of potential relationship opportunities. At the time I said there was a television show that would describe who attended my funeral. you might remember it.

Party of Five. At this point my sister has a bunch of in laws that enjoy attending functions. I don't need a bunch of randoms celebrating what is currently unfinished.

Aunt Kathleen did not have a funeral. She lived a wonderful life. She and my mother cultivated a relationship in later years and her passing, also to cancer, was sad. I understand not having a service and I probably won't have one either.

Visit me in life. Remember when this was a tribute? I spoke with Stephanie peripherally over the years. She was as friendly as ever and the world is better for her being here. I knew no one at this service. Many were friendly.

If you cannot be civil at a funeral mass it won't happen anywhere. There were bipartisan tributes for Dianne Feinstein as well. Death is the great equalizer and the last communal experience.

Normally funeral services are social gatherings. I visited the reception. It was social. One of my friends who had no children passed and many contemporaries were there.

Stephanie knew many people through her children's schools and was active in the community. No one from high school showed up. That meant I represented that era.

I exited quietly. It was a better experience than when I exited a certain function anonymously last winter. That was more funereal. It was an isolated incident with a group too interested in-never mind.

No one read the tribute article I wrote two years ago about Stephanie. Articles are evergreen and good deeds last forever so: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/tipping-point-thomas-jackson

That article also includes the bulk of Chapter Four of my long rumored book. It was harder to take than other services. I do not have the capacity to cry. There is still sadness. No matter who I meet from here on out there will be a void where certain people who have joined their ancestors once stood. You have to be special to get me to Reston. Thank you, Stephanie.