Never Forget The Invisible Sign Hanging From Each of Your Employees' Necks

I will be the first to admit that I know very little about the cosmetics industry, outside of the “daddy makeovers” administered by my youngest daughter Lauren when she first discovered makeup. I used to grumble about it when she applied the lipstick, mascara, and rouge to my surprisingly  perfect cheek bones, wondering how women did this on a daily basis. But now Lauren is a teenager and the makeovers have been pushed aside by an Iphone, K-pop, 21 pilots, and middle school homework. I’m not ashamed to admit I miss her makeovers. Time flies by so fast and it is important to slow down once in a while to take a mental picture of those special moments – because they don’t last forever.

But while I know very little about makeup, 20 years ago I read the following quote by Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay cosmetics, that changed how I looked at leadership:

"Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, 'Make me feel important.' Never forget this message when working with people."

"Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, 'Make me feel important.' Never forget this message when working with people."

I have been far from perfect in applying her philosophy, but have strived to follow it in my professional and personal life. When I find myself losing focus on what’s really important, I imagine that sign hanging around the other person’s neck and it helps me get back on track. When I’ve been subject to, witnessed, or perpetrated an epic fail in leadership, it is usually because one or more of the parties violated this principle. And while I am a fan of second chances and “do-overs”, sometimes it’s just not that easy. As Carmelo Benvenga’s poem Wrecker or Builder states, "I can easily wreck in a day or two what builders have taken a year to do.” 

Maybe that’s why one of my professional pet-peeves is when people say “It’s nothing personal, it’s just business." In business everything is personal. The fun stuff is personal, and while we tend to throw around my pet-peeve phrase most in times of trouble, the tough stuff is even more personal. When you are sitting down to let someone know they know longer have a job, you can bet it is very personal to them and their family – regardless of the reasons behind it. And if you ever start enjoying that part of your job, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your choice of careers.

Putting that “make me feel important sign” around people’s necks is not easy because you can no longer hide behind the shield of “its nothing personal”. There will be times when it rips your heart out -- when an employee is struggling, tragedy strikes, or you have to take an action you know will hurt a member of your team. But, this is what true leadership is about. It's based on care for one another. It builds trust. It builds respect. It builds culture. It builds family. It’s what motivates and holds your company family together when times are tough, crunch time hits requiring 18 hour days, and when it’s time to celebrate success.

While I am far from having all the answers on building this culture of caring, here are 9 tips to help out:

(1)  Know and use your employees’ names. The sweetest words in any language is a person’s name. Don’t make excuses and say “I just can’t remember names.” Commit now that you will do this and it will yield dividends far beyond the effort you put in - just like a lever, a small amount of effort yields a large result on the other end.  A long time ago, I made the commitment to learn all our new employees’ names on their first day of work. This was challenging because we were bringing in 50+ people a week. Was I perfect at it? No way! One time I called a new employee  “Pam” by the wrong name of “Paula”. She gave me a hard time about it and told me if I repeated her name 3 times I’d never forget it. So, for the next month, every time I saw her, I called her Pam, Pam, Pam. I never forgot her name again and we built a fun, but professional relationship.

(2)  Know your employees’ families. I know there is a fine line between caring and treading where you have no business, but I have found the quickest way to an employee’s heart is through their family – especially their kids. When your team is working 18 hour days, remember there is a family on the other side sacrificing to make that possible. Be sure to show appreciation to spouses, significant others, and children for taking one for the team, and your team will pay you back in the only way they can – their loyalty, dedication, and superior work. 

(3)  Have high expectations of your people. People want to be trusted and know that you believe in them. One of the best ways to do this is set high standards for them and then give them the support and tools to meet/exceed those standards. This is one of the things I love about the Toyota philosophy. Its two pillars are Continuous Improvement and Respect for People. Their definition of respect is to treat people like adults, expect them to continually improve in the things they do, and provide them the needed coaching and tools.

(4)  Get personal. When given the choice between an email and a handwritten thank you note/card, choose the latter. I have a handwritten note from one of my mentors, I still pull out 15 years after the fact, when I need a little boost in morale.

(5)  Get close to your team members’ work processes. Going to the “gemba” to see things from employees’ vantage point is very instructive and helps you understand what constitutes high performance, the struggles they face daily, and builds trust.

(6)  Have a sense of humor. Work can either be a grim undertaking or a joyful experience. It is your choice and as a leader you set the tone for the team. Sure, my team teased me after I took them to see the cinematic flop Zoolander 2 after I bragged to them the first Zoolander should have won an Oscar for best picture (Ben Stiller should have never messed with perfection). And I exposed myself even further when I reluctantly agreed to be the Snow White to my HR team’s 7 Dwarves for the department versus department Halloween costume contest. However, it brought us closer together as a team, which was really important for those times when “Marky Mark and his HR Funky Bunch” team found it necessary to pull 16 hour days to hire and onboard new team members.

(7)  Be there in times of tragedy. The time to throw the handbook at someone is not when they lose their father or some other tragedy strikes. If you are there for them in the tough times, they will be there for the company when its tough times inevitably come.

(8)  Praise the ordinary. It’s easy to praise superstars (don't forget them, they need it too!), but some of your team members may never be superstars. Don’t forget to thank the employee who shows up every day, meets target,  and steadily does their work without complaint. Those traits aren’t so ordinary these days and you need “steady soldiers” as part of your team.

(9)  Don’t shy away from the tough stuff. Be straight with your people with bad news. Use “velvet boxing gloves” when administering discipline. Don’t hold back on what needs to be shared or done, but ALWAYS maintain the dignity and respect of the other person. I have been surprised at the number of times a person I had to let go has run into me at a public venue, come up and said hi, introduced me to a new significant other, and thanked me for the respect I showed them and others at work.

I am sure you have at least 9 additional points you could share, so message me with your best tips for building and sustaining a caring culture. 

I hope this blog has elevated your thoughts on leadership in some small way today. Have a great day! ~ Mark