How to Bypass Chit-Chat

A business owner told me she is an introvert who doesn't enjoy chit-chat. "Plus, sometimes I don't feel like talking about what I do for work. It's just so awkward, I rather avoid it."

I asked, "What if there was a way to bypass chit-chat and create meaningful conversations?"

"How?" 

"First, if you don't feel like talking about work, you can say, 'I'm happy to talk about that and first may I find out a little bit about you?'

Asking other people to go first is rare and welcome. It lets them know you're genuinely interested in them, and it's a way to discover what you have in common (You both like to run? You have kids the same age?) so you have something you both enjoy talking about.

If this is a business event and you do want to talk about your job, instead of giving the standard elevator speech, 'I help ____ do ____' (YAWN), try this approach."

Here's the story, then I'll show how you can do this.

I opened my presentation on how to turn an elevator speech into an elevator connection by asking audience members, 'What do you normally say when people ask, 'What do you do?'

A business owner said, 'I tell people I run a computed tomography and magnetic resonance imaging company.'

A what?! None of us had any idea what that meant.

Imagine the lost opportunity costs. Here she was surrounded by top entrepreneurs, yet chances are no one would walk up to her afterwards to continue the conversation and discuss possible business partnerships because no one understood (or valued) what she did.

I asked, 'Want to play to see if we can come up with a better way to introduce yourself?'

She replied with a heartfelt "Yes."

"From now on, instead of telling people what you do (which is like trying to explain electricity), focus on the real-world results of what you do that people can see, smell, taste, touch. What are those?"

"Hmm. Well, I run medical facilities that offer MRIs and CT scans."

That’s better already, because we can see what you do, it's visual instead of vague. Plus, we probably can picture someone who's had an MRI or CT scan, so now we can relate to it.

However, don’t stop there. When we tell people what we do, they say, 'Oh,' and that's the end of the conversation. We don’t want to end conversations, we want to open conversations. One way to do that is to ask a three-person question.

'What’s this about a three-person question?'

If you ask, 'Have YOU ever had an MRI or a CT scan?' and they haven't, you've just run into a conversational cul de sac.

If instead you ask, 'Do you know anyone - could be a friend, family member or someone at work - who's had an MRI or a CT scan?' you give more options which increases the likelihood they know someone who has experienced what you do."

"That makes sense. What do I do next?"

"You listen. Imagine the person says, 'I haven't had an MRI, but my daughter has. She hurt her knee playing soccer and had one.'

Now you know what you have in common. Confirm that connection by linking what you do to what they just said. 'Well, I run the medical centers that provide MRIs like the one your daughter had when she hurt her knee.'

They'll probably say 'Aaahh,' which is a lot better than an apathetic 'Oh' or a confused 'Huh?' It means they get what you do.

Now, follow up by asking if her daughter's knee is better and she's back playing soccer, and you're off on a mutually-interesting two-way conversation."

The business owner sighed, “Why weren't we taught this in school? I can’t wait to share this with my team.”

How about you? What do you say when people ask, “What do you do?” What do your employees, coworkers or team members say?

Does your response set up a two-way conversation or does it lead to an "oh."

Whether we like it or not, people will ask, "What do you do?" almost everywhere we go.

What we say matters. It either leads to an awkward exchange that leads nowhere - or it leads to a mutually-rewarding conversation and connection.

Remember, from now on, when people ask what you do, go ALL in:

1. Ask: Instead of explaining what you do, ASK, "Do you know anyone - could be yourself, a friend or a family member - who ______?" (and fill in how they may be familiar with - or have experienced - the results of what you do.)
2. Listen: Keep your opening question short, under 30 seconds, so you're setting up a dialogue instead of giving a monologue. Give your full attention to the real-world example of who they know who has bought or benefitted from what you do.
3. Link: Once you find out what you share in common, confirm the connection with "Oh, that's what we do. We ..." and use the same words they just used so they know you actually heard what they said instead of waiting for your turn to talk.

P.S. Are you wondering if this approach works online? Yes, a modified version does. These days, many of us aren't going to in-person networking events and we're not shaking hands.

However, at the beginning of some Zoom Calls, the host often says, "Please take 60 seconds to introduce yourself." Most people give a listicle of their job responsibilities, and when they're finished, we don't understand and can't remember what they said. Instead:

Ask: "Do you know anyone - could be yourself, a friend or a coworker - who is moving and is overwhelmed by all the packing, loading, and schlepping?"

Link: "Well, I work for a company called GET A MOVE ON that does all that for you so moving can be a joy instead of a chore."

Example: "In fact, last week, we helped a family of five move cross country. The parents told us we made it fun for them and they're recommending us to everyone they know."

Bingo. People are more likely to relate to you, remember you and want what you do, all because you turned an elevator speech into an interactive elevator connection.

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Sam Horn is the CEO of the Intrigue Agency. Her TEDx talk shows this technique in action.