Why Quiet People Get Overlooked

In Year 9, I was switched to a new high school by my dad in Hong Kong. It was an elite school. I was a quiet teenage boy, struggling to find my identity while navigating family disharmony. The new school added another layer of anxiety.

I resorted to sports.

I was already sad at home, because of family conflicts. I didn't have friends. I was unhappy. I didn't have anyone to share with.

So, I didn’t talk much. I didn’t smile much.

I became known as this new kid who was great at sports, playing on different teams—basketball, soccer, volleyball, and track and field.

Sports became my outlet, a way to escape my painful reality.

Every year, we had an annual sports day where students signed up to compete. I enrolled in high jump, long jump, and hurdles.

I was excited as I prepared for my first long jump attempt. Suddenly, there was a loud noise from the background. It grew louder and louder. I turned to the audience.

"Boo..."

I was being booed by what felt like 1,000+ pupils in my new school.

I wanted to cry and hide in a corner, but I somehow held back my tears to focus on my jump. My one and only friend comforted me afterwards.

Over the years, I’ve developed an inseparable bond with sports. Engaging in these activities allowed me to be present with my environment. It was my Flow state, a term coined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

Flow is a mental state where one is fully immersed in an activity, leading to heightened focus and enjoyment. Achieving flow can significantly enhance performance and well-being.

I went home and faked happiness. I told my parents I won three medals and got the outstanding individual award. I skipped the part about being booed and that I didn't feel happy and I cried. It was only two years ago, while writing my book, that I included this experience.

Shortly after, the disharmony between my parents worsened at home.

I became quieter and started locking myself in my room. After a while, when it became too much, I picked up a cutter and pressed it against my wrist. This continued for months.

I thought of two family members in my life and how much it would hurt them if I ended my life. That mindset shift stopped me. I was lucky. And people shouldn't count on luck.

Don't assume quiet people are okay because they are normally quiet.

Here are a couple of things we can do to break the cycle and stigma:

1. Be a Positive Role Model

If you are a leader: open up and be a role model with your team members. By doing this you show that it's okay to be vulnerable and authentic.

Leadership eats culture for breakfast.

2. Do Mindful Check-in

Ask people out for a coffee / drink in an environment that is not distracted. Put away your phone. Give them your full attention.

"I noticed you’ve been a bit quieter in meetings lately. Is everything going okay? I’m here if you want to chat about anything."

If this is your first time, don't pressure them to share. People will share when they are ready. Focus on being consistent.

Never assume quietness = OKAY

Do you think quiet people get overlooked at work and in life?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

With love,

Aaron

#MakingPositivityViral

Making Positivity Viral is a motivational newsletter to unleash your purposeful superpower so you can achieve remarkable performance and wellbeing.