Never assume... anything. People Edition

Lesson #1 in... well, basically, in everything and anything. Never assume. To assume is to fill in the gaps (or blanks, or whatever you want to call them) with preconceptions, assumptions and otherwise biased data from your own experience and background. And you cannot use them as trustworthy information when it comes to others.

Simply put, and I am addressing professional environments here (but one could also argue this applies to all environments), you don't know who you work with and deal with on a daily basis. Go ahead. Try. See how well can you describe the people around you. Specially if you are in a leadership/management position. (I doubt you can but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt).

You may as well know their names and birthdates, or even their sons and daughters names. Depending on where you are from, there is more or less cultural latitude to allow for a more openness regarding our personal lives and to even allow them to cross paths with our professional life. Some people even become friends with colleagues. In some other cases, deep relationships spawn from work environments. But those are few and apart. On a regular basis, we simply know names, roles and usually some of the professional and/or academic background. And what else? Not much really...

What lies underneath?

No one ever knows the full extent of someone's struggles. Personal, psychological, clinical, emocional, familiar, professional, financial, etc., etc., etc.... And even if you are a friend and have known each other for years and years, there is always something you don't know. There is no such thing as "we don't have secrets to each other", especially in a professional environment.

Someone may have some problems with their own or significant other's health; someone may have a problem with their husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, son, daughter or anyone else; they may have some financial troubles; they may be struggling with anxiety (sometimes for years and years); or any other obstacle in life you may remember. Someone maybe addicted to gambling, alcohol or drugs; Someone may have personal problems regarding religious, political, sexual preferences or racial problems or... sometimes even sports affiliation (ridiculous, isn't it?); Someone may simply be an introvert. And all of us have a past. Anyone and everyone has something they usually don't share and that bothers them.

So you see... there could be a million reasons for someone to be off their game or simply not in the mood for good old banter. And it should be everyone's responsibility to take notice and understand that in the same way that we can be affected by something outside or inside our companies, so can anyone else.

What to do?

Always be aware of your team wellness. Stress comes not only from the job. But if we cannot directly impact and minimize the stress that is external to our team or organization, at least we can try to minimize the stress we may suffer internally. Most of all, we need to let our teams know we are there for them and that we care.

So, next time you are in a meeting with someone, and they seem a bit off, before anything else please remember we are only human, as any of the mentioned topics could limit greatly the well being and performance of a person.

Then, if it's part of your role or even if you just care (you don't need to be a manager to do this), on a private call or chat just ask: "Are you ok? Is there anything I can do to help?". Probably they will say no, for whatever reason, but at least you have made clear that you are there for them. You are available. And if at any given point in time you get a ping or a message, please reply. Do not defer as we so often do because we are overwhelmed with work. People should always be top priority as they are the heart of any organization.

Can we create better connections?

Yes, we can. I can enumerate multiple techniques and exercises. But I will focus on one in particular that I use often in my classes and in some of my teams as an Ice Breaker. It's called Personal Map and I learned it from Management 3.0. With this technique we can share something more about ourselves and find common interests. Also, as a good exercise for already existing teams, ask your team members to create the Personal Map of each other. This will show how good they know each other and provoke some good conversations.

Also, as one of the best if not the single best technique to evaluate a team and its members, I cannot emphasize it enough, it is the use of Retrospectives. Don't do them solely if you run a Scrum or Agile product/project. Use them on a regular basis, regardless of the type of work your team develops. The Retrospective focus on the process and on relationships. How is your team feeling? What is bothering them? By being an open and judgement free space you will allow them to share. Granted, some topics might be too personal. But you will be able to pick up on some clues and then reach out, in private, to those people. You don't need a psychology grade or a NLP certificate. You just need to be open, to care and allow them to trust you be trusting them.

Oh! And, by the way, the name of the game here is - regardless of technique or approach - empathy. That's right, empathy. Practice it. Develop it. You'll be a better leader, manager and overall better person.