Be a Neurodiversity Informed Coach

What this short article covers:

• Patters that neurodivergent clients bring to coaching
• Why coaching is well suited for neurodivergent individuals
• The coaching relationship and neurodiversity
• Coaching competences and how neurodiversity-inclusive coaching approaches them
• Ethics of neurodiversity coaching

Patterns that neurodivergent clients might bring to coaching

• Being self-exasperated
• Procrastinating
• Not living up to their potential
• Shame
• Confusion
• Being exhausted
• Imposter syndrome
• More frustration, more worn out then neurotypical client as they have been trying their all life to get where they want to go.

Why coaching is well suited for neurodivergent individuals

• Coaching is individualised: there are not two neurodivergent individuals which are the same, with each individual experiencing their neurodiversity in a unique way.
• Coaching is client-led: the individual set the agenda based on their own needs and priorities, based on what matter to them and not what others believe it matter to them.
• Coaching is strength-based: this is about looking beyond symptoms and labels. Individuals have developed a number of coping mechanisms and strengths throughout their entire life and can now apply those to overcome barriers and move towards their goals. ???
• Coaching is about problem-solving: individuals are used to solve challenges that come with living in a world which was not set up for them.
• Coaching is transformative: individuals might come into coaching to work on time management and prioritization, to then go through a full transformative experience by understanding their brain, the strengths it brings and how to use them.

The coaching relationship and neurodiversity

Starting from the discovery call, coaches might want to congratulate with the individual for the courage that brought them into the session; this will lay the foundation for good rapport.

Moving into the coaching session, one of the critical roles for coaches is to be present, grounded, and self-regulated for their clients. Neurodivergent individuals have often a more sensitive nervous system and feel overwhelmed; it is therefore vital to create an environment which is safe enough for them to explore possibilities.

How can coaches build their coaching presence?

• By designing alliance/contract/partnership (those are common to any coaching relationship and not limited to working with neurodivergent individuals) to highlight:

- How you are going to work together with the client

- How you are going to show up as a coach

• By avoiding the medical model based on a common set of symptoms, and pre-defined diagnostic assessment criteria.
• By being trauma informed. Neurodivergent individuals are exposed to fair amount of stress and feel overwhelmed by having to navigate a world made for neurotypical individuals. ??
• By being gender aware. Neurodivergent individuals might show up differently depending on their gender.

How can coaches create a coaching relationship which support clients self-regulation? (those are not limited to working with neurodivergent individuals)

• Maintain your coaching presence
• Use coaching skills such as deep listening
• Use the client language
• Trust the process

When clients have difficulties in finding their solutions etc… stay away from trying to provide them with one!

Two coaching competences and how neurodiversity-inclusive coaching approaches them:

• Listening
• Evoking Awareness

Listening is a fundamental coaching skill. When working with neurodivergent clients, is about adding an extra lens to this skill by also looking for signs of dis-regulation, e.g.:

• Clients body language, tone of voice, light in their eyes
• Whether they are using their language differently
• Clients level of understanding
• Places where clients are contradicting themselves.

When you notice contradictions, assume that there is a reason for that and show that you are curious about it, rather than pocking whole in the individual self-protection.

Keep checking want for understanding and whether you are on the right track.

Evoking Awareness with a “flat mirror”. This is about:

• Avoiding to reflect “norm” assumptions by ensuring that your only reflect what has been showed, not what your expect the majority of neurodivergent individuals to show
• Avoiding to normalise the client experience
• Reflecting observable facts and not your interpretations of what you notice/observe.

Ethics of Neurodiversity Coaching

What to do in order to ensure you are more of a helper than a hammer:

• Keep assessing your level of coaching competence
• Deal with your growing edges via mentoring and supervision
• Refer responsibly

Let’s spend a bit of time on the last point:

• If your reflections consistently don’t match the client’s, if you keep checking your understanding, but actually there is always a mismatch.
• If you cannot follow the client train of thoughts
• If you cannot hold your client’s agenda
• If you feel like you just don’t get the client
• If you see your client as broken
• If you get sucked into your client point of view
• If you are not able to stay regulated

Then you might not be the right coach for the client, or it might be that the individual needs a different type of specialist.

It goes without saying that the more you discipline yourself to adhere to your self-reflective practice, the more your coaching range will increase with respect to the type of clients you can coach, and the more your will grow confident with supporting a wide range of clients, including neurodivergent ones.

Additionally, taking on some regulation practices such as meditation, relaxation techniques can also help you to stay regulated while creating a regulated environment for your neurodivergent clients.

?Take Aways

• Dysregulation and self-exasperation in clients might be signs of neurodivergence
• Assume you are probably misunderstanding your clients – this is a gift you can give to your clients, also to the neurotypical ones!

- Become curious a be present for them

• Refer when you are struggling