Neurodiversity Celebration Week: that's the way I fidget

I am neurodivergent being a cocktail of overlapping conditions: autism, dyslexia, and dyspraxia (all formally diagnosed), coupled with a visual impairment (keratoconus). But in what proportions they affect me I do not know; I do know my neurodivergent strengths are also double-edged swords. useful in some circumstances and challenging in others. Obviously, being neurodivergent often will have some of the common strengths, some will have others, some might have all or some might have none (or have different ones instead). At times, it seems one neurodivergent trait may help me adjust to my environment and the task allowing me to prioritize over another complementary trait, thereby one trying to compassionate for another or battle for dominance over another.

Ultimately, these are only labels which can be helpful in terms of basic reference points for self-identity but there is a great danger of letting them define us, and/or remaining in a neurodivergent ghetto and refusing to mix in the neurotypical world and vice versa. The labels we take on, can often interfere by limiting our potential by inadequate provision of any support required to thrive, or having a denial experience by living solely in the apparent detrimental traits or being unwilling to participate to be a role model. Since there is still so much stigma around autism and it has to stop. Some will still feel forced into hiding their true selves. Being an autistic adult, I do not feel the need to hide anything. Sometimes, I may look different or act differently, but I still have flesh and blood with have feelings like anybody else. But at many times, I have often experienced microaggressions and stigma, when I feel everyone is staring at me and I want to hide. Those are the times that provide self-motivation to be bolder and address the lack of education and awareness. But there is still so much stigma around autism and it has to stop.

Common examples of stigma, includes if you are ever sat in a meeting while twirling your hair or clicking your pen, then you are already familiar with fidgeting. Whereas, stimming, on the other hand, includes a wider range of behaviours and senses. For instance, have you been more comfortable in a rocking chair compared to an office swindle chair, or cleared your throat repeatedly while trying to think of something to say or doodling in your meeting notebook Congratulations, you’re a stimmer! This is fidgeting, and it is one way of stimming and is not necessarily a problem. Both can serve as useful coping mechanisms that produce a sense of control in situations that might generate anxiety, especially among neurodivergent people who tend towards conditions such as ADHD and/or autism.

Whereas stimming is shorthand for self-stimulatory behaviour and it typically involves more intense and noticeable actions than are seen with fidgeting. Often stimming as repetitive behaviours that are also, in some cases, regarded as atypical. For instance, if you have ever seen children flapping their hands or wriggling around when they are excited, they are probably just expressing excitement and it can be classified as a stim. This behaviourism also occurs with autistic adults; we do not outgrow autism, as we get old, often with help from others we may find coping strategies and understand triggers. But stimming can be considered more habitual and intentional in nature while “fidgeting” is generally associated with playing, especially if a toy or fidget is within reach, or with general inattention. Also, unlike fidgeting, which involves tactile stimulation, stimming encompasses more senses beyond the tactile: auditory, visual, vestibular and proprioceptive.

In some cases, stimming is regarded as atypical. But the action of stimming is an explanation and not an excuse for the manifestation of behaviourisms and emotions. The action of stimming can help individuals manage intense emotions, which include both negative or uncomfortable feelings as well as the expression of positive feelings like joy, excitement, and happiness. Stimming also aids in sensory processing for individuals who may have a hard time with overwhelming senses: sounds, sights, smells. This is starting to sound like working in an busy open planned office without noise-cancelling headphones on (sometimes I may not want wear them).

Often, I am dominated by sensory overload due being autistic, coupled with dyslexia and dyspraxia interacting forming a strong cocktail of apparent nonconformism, messiness, and confusion resulting an urgent need to fidget. Consequently, I find myself like many others who are neurodivergent tend to stim to modulate our sensory processing - that is our managing emotions, processing information, soothing anxiety, and processing overwhelming stimuli. Our repetitive actions lead to an improved capacity to focus on whatever is right in front of us. When paying attention is difficult, stimming can help me centre my mind and complete a task. But fidgeting and stimming are still frowned upon in some circles for example onlookers in a large open planned office.

Therefore, a recognition of our unique neurodivergence shape must include the two sides of the same coin – our strengths and challenges. Still, too often, Neurodiversity Celebration Week is seen as awareness as a one-sized fits all approach, being a tick-box exercise for CPD for a week without full acceptance during the remaining 51 weeks of the year. In reality, if want to celebrate neurodiversity and our neurodivergence, then please accept us for who we are; this means support and hearing the neurodivergent voices that are front and centre and not just on a celebratory week and not competing against other identities. But please listen to us. There are many neurodivergent people who and will speak for themselves. So, please continue to support us and help us to get genuine opportunities that we need to be heard. For us, mere mortals, representation is also about a lot more than just occasionally hearing a random voice talk by a Neurodiversity Trainer / Workplace Specialist or about seeing celebrities in the movies and television.

Representation really does matter! A quote often used in this respect is, “if you can’t see it you can’t be it.” So true, this quote is originally in relation to Indigenous people in roles in the public service, but it is relevant for any group that faces disadvantage, including neurodivergent people. If we cannot see autistic people in all the various roles in society, from business to politics to the arts, then it is that much harder for autistic people to follow their passions. In fact, autistic people representing across society can put the seed of a future career or direction with an autistic child or young person or an adult too. Neurodivergent people in positions of influence do make a huge difference.

Daily, I see, I read about people are breaking down barriers for those coming after us. For example, every time a neurodivergent employee sees and hears another neurodivergent, they are seeing the strength and capability of neurodivergent people. And every time a neurotypical person is speaking on our behalf the opposite is true. Instead of being empowered, we are given the message that only neurotypical people can do everything and through implication that neurodivergent people are less competent and no wonder we often have bouts of Imposter Syndrome. Ultimately a lack of representation can impact negatively on our confidence and our dreams and aspirations.

I guess, any dreams I had started at a young age, I felt like I was on the outside looking in. Although from the outside I looked like anyone else around me, internally I could not have been more different. Often there were feelings isolation while learning and studying, but it was tough being viewed as different and misunderstood by peers and teachers with few role models to inspire, encourage, let alone coach. I knew I was somehow different (but could express it) by being diagnosed with my neurodivergent traits early but I was not less!!! Yet my classmates intuitively understood jokes and socially accepted responses that I never even knew existed. While others enjoyed spending time together, I tended to be to be alone and focused on my special interests such as computer coding or science fiction. In short, I felt like an alien from a faraway planet rather than a member of my own community.

I still remember I had classmates who bullied me relentlessly and teachers who insisted to my parents that I was trying hard enough to socialize but could do better in my classwork. Secondary school and even up to university was often a dark and lonely time in my life even with my official diagnosis. I did not need to mask, this was taken out of my hands. I placed in “special needs” classes for English, with the emphasis trying to fix my dyslexia. These classes focused on reading and writing as a deficient and focussing on strengths was never really explored. I knew my strengths but it was hard communicating them to others; that was when home was my safe haven away from everyone including my best friend and I was allowed to do more computer programming (whenever I could) a delightful Commodore 64 with an antiquated form of BASIC. If it was not coding, it was collecting, reading and learning about minerals and rock samples and designing multicolour Lego mega-structures including space craft in my bedroom.

Leaving secondary school after A Levels with poor examination results, I started working as laboratory technician. This was until a former boss, suddenly, told me, I thought too much and I should attend university. Somehow after completing a hurried application form, I got excepted to study geology and engineering for a HND, with good mixture field classes and computing. That course I successfully passed, and it when really well for and suited by skills and the environment allowed me to thrive. So I after two years, I transferred to over to do a degree, essentially doing the same as before at a slightly higher level with many new faces. Even attending university by the back door in the early 1990s, and leaving with a 2-1 degree, there was none one else like me that I could look up to.

Fresh out of university, I found it almost impossible to role models to aspire to and few allies, it was hard to break into STEM as a neurodivergent graduate. So after my degree, after many failed job applications, I ended up working as a postgraduate research assistant with long hours, with little support and appreciation how my neurodivergent traits interacted with my workload and my metal health. Despite personal pleas, there was a poor understanding by others and perhaps reluctance to accept in order for me to thrive, neurotypical coping strategies were not the best. There was a lot of assumptions made rather than asking.

So by the summer 1999, I still could not still find a template of a neurodivigent role model in STEM for what the future or success could look like. Securing and holding down a full-time job in ground engineering was my goal. My initial immediate goal was survival, work was tough with do much stigma and unaddressed biases. Now, 25 years later, I continue to work alongside people who are accepting of me, allowing me to use my strengths to the full and thrive. It is only in last decade and especially since 2018, where neurodiversity in engineering has really been seen as benefit and the stereotypes of Sheldon, Forest Gump, RainMan are often now viewed as unhelpful tropes in raising what neurodiversity really looks like. These characters are extremes and if you have met one person who is neurodivergent, you have only met one person who is neurodivergent.

Being neurodivergent, often has an overlap of dominant traits giving rise to their unique strengths and challenges in the workplace and society. As long as I can remember, I have not been ashamed who I was, I have continued to grow in understanding of self-awareness, sharing about neurodiversity from a combination of head knowledge and my lived experiences. Since being a kid, as I suddenly previously I choose not to hide my neurodivergent identity, I live unmasked sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. Perhaps being officially diagnosed when I was young has helped and without much support, I believe in trusting others and be truthful and authentic is one of personal values.

My stimming and fidgeting rely on perfectly normal sensory solutions and also using adult fidget toys for when emotional experiences overwhelm and can serve as a coping strategy that allows me to self-soothe. Nevertheless, I am sure there are times when my stimming is expressed in a more intense way than general fidgeting and can be perceived being disruptive to those around me by disrupting the status quo. But inclusivity and diversity should never be a stretch, it is vital for all of us to carry the load. It is vital to include those who would not normally fit the bill; whilst living in an era where we need a greater understanding of the world and its vast multitudes of colourful minds.

That said within the Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) employment sector, there remains an enormous amount of masking (camouflaging) as either conscious or subconscious suppression of neurodivergent behaviours. For example, masking autistic traits such as slimming. Masking is typically manifested as a collection of strategies to hide adverse neurodivergent behaviours and compensation of difficulties for example social interaction to be perceived as neurotypical.

Masking can be a learned as a coping strategy and could be perceived as successful from the perspective of some neurodivergent people. Talking to neurodivergent friends, it can also mean mirroring the behaviour of neurotypical people and developing “scripts” that work in social situations. But there are inherit dangers of masking since published research shows it can lead to adverse serious mental health outcomes. Masking may also conceal the person's need for support It can complicate a diagnosis of neurodivergent traits as relevant symptoms are suppressed or compensated for.[Finally, it has been hypothesized that masking may play an important role in explaining why autistic women and non-binary persons are significantly less often recognized and diagnosed as autistic compared to men.

Yet many choose to mask due STEM work environments are not psychologically safe with a legacy of discrimination (direct or indirect). The common reasons people who are neurodivergent and / or those who are disabled choose not to share with their employers include the fear of being misunderstood by their engineering peers and colleagues, or unfair treatment in education and workplace progression. Others fear of being seen as difficult / needy or perhaps they are worried treated differently, or they are afraid of bullying and unconscious bias. Many I suspect who are often afraid not only to explicitly share their neurodivergence but simply relax and be themselves, quirks, and all, around their coworkers because they believe they will suffer social and professional discrimination as a direct result.

But discrimination can be extremely subtle by being forcing people to be able to be authentic and not use our strengths, with the ramifications of being concerned about being seen as less capable. Hence, I suspect masking will continue as long as there a fear that support measures (reasonable adjustments / accommodations) will not be put in place or as they remain in the same organisation, a person will continue to mask due to fear of being overlooked for promotions / training. Therefore, it is crucial that neurodivergent including people who are autistic have access to opportunities to be productive at work in environments where they are valued. These places should be where there is trust and respect and behavioural idiosyncrasies or diagnosis will never be used against anyone.

Therefore, it is absolutely crucial to understand the unique daily challenges neurodivergent employees face in the workplace. Simple adjustments can foster an inclusive environment, ensuring they thrive. Bring on a place of psychological safety will prioritize empathy, flexibility, and tailored support to retain diverse talent and enhance productivity. Thus is made harder when there is a wide variety of neurotypes and severity of symptoms that people experience who are autistic are considered being a spectrum. If autism was linear fashion it can lead to unfair comparisons of experience, there is no "good" or "bad" autism, nor "easy" or "difficult" autism. Many people talk about us exhibiting a 'spikey profile' which effectively means person could be a leading expert on nuclear physics but unable to remember to tie shoelaces. But placed in an inappropriate environment or asked to undertake an unsuitable task for them will mean their coping strategies will often mean we may interact, communicate, and behave in ways that deviate from the norm.

As a results, having the correct support measures / needs means a bespoke and right solution for them to live the life they choose. That said, if you are working with an unmasked neurodivergent colleague for the first time, they may have traits you are unfamiliar. For example, you may mistake some of those autistic traits for rudeness, blunt, insubordination, having an attitude, etc. For example, being autistic does not just mean having a brain that works differently; it means having a nervous system and a body that works differently, as well. If you’re unaware of this, you may be tempted to dress down, write up, or even fire your autistic employee for what amounts to how their different brain affects them physically—namely facial expressions (or lack thereof), vocal prosody, and body language.

All I can say, please, do not assume, but rather ask about your employee’s Intentions. For people who read this and do not know me, I can fully understand how the traits I mentioned above could be mistaken for a subtle attempt to indicate I have a problem with someone. However, that’s not the kind of person I am. For better or for worse, I am not always subtle and may be too unquenched truthful. Deep concentration may come across as anger, my neutral commentary may come across as sarcastic, and my response may come across blunt. Before confronting your employee based on your interpretation of their traits, which can be very confusing and distressing because your emotionally-charged reaction appears to come out of nowhere for them, ask first. Please the time to connect with your neurodivergent employee in a one-on-one meeting where you can directly state your observations and let them know how you are perceiving them. This way, your employee will have a fair chance to explain their perspective and intentions.

You may also find that your autistic employee is surprised by how their desire to avoid confusing and draining social banter and get straight to work is being perceived by others. No offense was meant, and there was nothing on the employee’s mind other than getting to work–what your autistic employee believes is their primary reason for being there. Please believe us, when we want to explain something. I want to say this because one of the problems I have bumped into in the working world was when I did explain what I was thinking and feeling (which sometimes differed widely from how I was being perceived), I am unconvinced that others l did not believe me. This isolated me even more and left me vulnerable to bullying, rumours, and mistreatment because now dishonesty and manipulation were tacked onto my list of “charges”. If you have an autistic employee who explains their intentions, believe them. Remember, we are not neurotypical, and ascribing neurotypical intentions to neurodivergent traits and behaviours (because a neurotypical is used to primarily working with and socializing with neurotypical people) can cause harm.

In conclusion, please avoid assuming you know or understand any of your colleagues’ intentions, or actions such as stimming whether they done by someone who is neurodivergent or neurotypical. Instead, have a chat and creating a culture of psychological safety is essential for everyone within your organisation. The benefits far outweigh the risks. That said, there is a need for more role models who are openly neurodivergent in every employment sector ranging from retail, education to law to health care. This includes us, working in the STEM sector in by being role models, leading by example, being servant hearted. Yet believe there is a shortage of visible, neurodiverse role models in STEM who young people can be inspired by. So, if you ever see me fight or I should say stim, please accept me who I am different but not less,