Neurodiversity 101: Risks and benefits of being yourself

We often talk about being our 'authentic self' but what does it really mean?

Authenticity at work has been described as?when employees feel safe, secure, and comfortable showing up as their whole selves. To fully show up authentically, employees need a deep sense of belonging and?psychological safety.

There are some caveats here.

I think it means being vulnerable and can mean engaging in deep and meaningful conversations, and being able to tell personal stories about ourselves as a way of gaining our colleagues’ trust. Some people also see this as a way of improving team performance.BUT I think this comes with risks as well as benefits.Some of us can be impulsive and over enthusiastic and then say what we are thinking and this can have real ramifications.

When people say be honest and tell me what you are really thinking... I often wonder if they don't actually want that. I remember someone telling me years ago I looked very tired and did I know I had a spot on my face. ( I knew both but didn't really want to hear it from someone at that moment).

I was told by someone the other day how they had been told off by a line manager for being far 'too direct'.. so how do we do this authenticity stuff? Grading what we say, how much to say and what we shouldn't say is problematic at the best of times. Are their rules for this? Not really... and that's the problem...

Do you even know who you 'really' are?

If you have always had to mask and fit in, then has this become the 'norm' for you? We are also different people with different people. I am and behave differently with my grandchildren, to when I an with a CEO of a global corporate for example. I am different with someone I have not met before in a work context to who I am with friends I have known since childhood. My behaviour may also be framed by what is at stake... my friends will be more forgiving if I say something that is 'direct' but in a work setting this could result in me losing a job if I got this wrong.

French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712–1778) first proposed that early childhood experiences establish adult behaviors. Lev Vygotsky (1896–1934) from Moscow proposed the role of social and cultural factors described in his book 'Thought and Language' (1934). Urie Bronfenbrenner (1979), a Russian-American psychologist conceptualized that human development is shaped by complex relationships between individuals and their environments, and this was called Ecological Systems Theory.

Often the experience of living with a sense of 'otherness' creates a tension in ourselves... fitting in ( so not to fall out) and being true to ourselves.

Conforming to others expectations

We sometimes conform to others expectations because there has been a pressure on doing so since were a child..be quiet; be good; act like others, don't stand out etc..I remember many years ago trying to teach one of my children (naively) to have a 'firm handshake and look the person in the eye' to show they were engaging when in interviews. I wanted to help them make that 'good impression'... but I really think now at what cost? At the same time if they did not conform a little to other's expectations would they have got a job?... This is not a simple equation.

The challenge as an individual happens when we live every day having to consciously consider all the different ways we need to present ourselves so we are acceptable to the others around us. This takes huge cognitive effort and is exhausting. We can decide to spend our limited resources on doing that or our energy could be focused on more productive actions.. it is a trade off.

Trying to anticipate and fulfil others’ preferences, wants and expectations feels forced and has shown to increase anxiety and hinder performance.We know that many people who are neurodivergent will have had experiences of having been?bullied in childhood ?leaving real emotional scars and shapes the way we can behave in adulthood too.Children with ADHD for example are more likely to experience rejection and unpopularity and have fewer friendships than their peers - a lack of friends then may mean you have less practice being socially-able... and this has a longer impact on your confidence.

Putting on a performance

In a workplace we often try to conform, especially at the interview stage to make a good impression. There is a debate whether these impressions are even accurate.If the other person has biases and expectations of behaviours they see they can judge the person's ability inaccurately based on this.

The confirmation bias is important to consider.We can sometimes make assumptions based on someone's ability because of our own fixed?beliefs (such as someone is 'shifty' if they don't look at you) and then are quick to disregard information that conflicts with these beliefs.

Another bias is called the Halo effect :?this is where the initial positive impression of a person unconsciously influences our perception of them as a whole.?For example, if you consider someone to be outgoing or attractive, you may also judge them to be more intelligent than they really are.

What is the etymology of authentic?

e.g. from Greek?authentikos?"original, genuine, principal," from?authentes?"one acting on one's own authority," from?autos?"self" (see?auto- ) +?hentes?"doer, being" .Interestingly in its modern use,?authentic?implies "trustworthy, reliable".

How has 'authentic self' been defined?

Wood (et al., 2008) described authentic people "knowing their self well, act in accord with conscious cognitions, and rejecting social pressure to act in ways that challenge their natural orientation."

and

Kernis (2003) describes authenticity as the “unobstructed operation of one's true, or core, self” .

What do we all gain when we can be 'authentic' in a workplace?

Authenticity at work can benefit us all.Presenting oneself authentically to others so that they understand us?as we understand ourselves has been associated with higher levels of job satisfaction and performance (Cable and Kay, 2012).

One study (Moore, Lee, Kim, & Cable, 2017 ) found that job seekers who were true to themselves during their job interviews were more likely to receive a job offer than those who had a 'forced' presentation of themselves.Being honest about who you are from the start has been shown also to lead to less likelihood of higher staff turnover.

Being authentic can give us a greater sense of personal power and agency.It can also mean we have more genuine connections with others as people are more likely to relate to and trust people who are true to themselves.

Does being authentic mean you can say exactly what you think?

Brutal honesty may be risky in a setting where others don't understand you fully and recognise your communication style. I don't think it is an excuse to be mean, or rude... this is the challenge because others may perceive you as being rude when you are actually trying to be honest. It can result in damaging your reputation, and far from resulting in bonding with your colleagues, it can alienate them altogether.It's a hard line to tread.Communication clashes do happen where different people communicate in different ways.

Another challenge is deciding what to tell when to tell and what to leave at home. I am not convinced that everyone needs to know ALL about my life. For some people also determining what is acceptable to share and what is not can be harder to do.Useful Ted talk about this.

Oversharing may have its challenges. Once you have opened the box it is not easy to put parts of you back inside again!? Rosh and Offerman in an article in the Harvard Business Review 10 years ago said:

"Despite its potential benefits, self-disclosure can backfire if it’s hastily conceived, poorly timed, or inconsistent with cultural or organizational norms—hurting your reputation, alienating employees, fostering distrust, and hindering teamwork." .

It is much easier to present yourself 'honestly' when you are in a position of power. It is harder to do so when your job is vulnerable.

What's the balance in reality?

• Building awareness in organisations about different communication styles and checking biases and fixed beliefs. This needs to start in organisations with senior leadership buy-in.
• Recognising that sometimes it is better not to overshare.Remember you can't take it back once you have shared it.
• If you are not certain .... check it out with someone you trust first.
• Being aware that just because an organisation says it is neuroinclusive it doesn't mean everyone there will be your ally!
• Find your allies and create connections and build support networks.

If you are an organisation starting off on your journey to becoming neuroinclusive we are holding a Neurodiversity HR Masterclass with myself and Melanie Francis, Director of Workplace for Do-IT on July 13th and providing you with a toolkit of comprehensive resources to help you to do so. We have a great offer for this course for a few people who sign up first. Please DM me for more information or contact Do-IT.

Blog Author

I am Amanda Kirby, CEO of?Do-IT Solutions ?a tech-for-good company that delivers consultancy and guidance, training and web-based screening tools that have helped 10s of 1000s of people. We strive to deliver person-centered solutions relating to neurodiversity and wellbeing.

I am a mixed bag of experiences and skills and have 25+ years of working in the field of neurodiversity. I am a medical doctor, Professor, and have a Ph.D. in the field of neurodiversity; parent and grandparent to neurodivergent wonderful kids and am neurodivergent myself.

Theo Smith and I wrote the UK award-winning book?Neurodiversity at Work?Drive Innovation, Performance, and Productivity with a Neurodiverse Workforce . My 10th book came out called?Neurodiversity and Education ?in March 2023. I was also voted one of the top 20 Thinkers by?HR magazine for 2022 !

References:https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886922004469