Neurodiversity 101: Defining your purpose

We all want meaning in our lives

As I look back on my career I see there was a key turning point for me when my child was diagnosed with Developmental Coordination Disorder. I needed to know more and understand how I could support them to grow and flourish. I also found I was not alone wandering around trying to find practical information. So little was known about what would happen as they grew up and the challenges were there despite me being a doctor.

The need to understand more gave me a sense of purpose that I needed to do more and learn more. It has driven my work for more than 30 years. I became a researcher and I became a teacher along with using my clinical skills. Most importantly,I wanted to be a better parent too.

Viktor Emil Frankl was a Jewish-Austrian psychiatrist who founded logotherapy , This is a school of psychotherapy that describes a search for a life's meaning as the central human motivational force. Some people see it as a bridge to positive psychology and cognitive behavioural therapy. Frankl was a survivor of Nazi concentration camps. He believed that humans are motivated by something called a "will to meaning," which is the desire to find meaning in life. He argued that life can have meaning even in the most miserable of circumstances and that the motivation for living comes from finding that meaning.

He said: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."

...Meaning is often derived from looking back and seeing what we have achieved but a sense of purpose is looking ahead.

Looking forward

Aristotle spent a lot of time pondering on what having a purpose was and developed his theory of?teleology. (Teleology or finality is a reason or an explanation for something which serves as a function of its end, its purpose, as opposed to something which serves as a function of its cause).

Aristotle considered having a sense of purpose resulted in the concept of?eudaimonia?(flourishing). He associated eudaimonia as an activity across a lifetime rather than a moment of happiness.

Purpose is different from just setting a series of goals. It is more about how goals are achieved and fit in with your sense of purpose.

“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it” said ?Buddha.

Can we find or develop a sense of purpose?

1. Proactively - born out of a sustained engagement in a hobby or interest- gradual exploration and investigation. This happens over time and may need to be reviewed to keep moving forward. Your interest or skill means you focus on it. Some people for example are good musicians or have talent in a specific sport.
2. Reactively - this may be because something has happened to you and has given you a specific reason to becoming involved. This was certainly true for me as a parent of a neurodivergent child more than 30 years ago. I needed to find answers for them and also for me. It made me realise I was not alone and others were in a similar position. It gave me a purpose in life.
3. Through social learning - learning from others and then allows them to become more purposeful. We can learn how to gain a purpose from others we value around us.

Purpose is what’s happening to you on the inside.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” said ?Friedrich Nietzsche

A purpose gives you the ability to cope with the lows and highs because you have something that is meaningful for you.Without a lack of purpose it can lead us to languish.

Languishing has been characterized by dissatisfaction, lack of engagement, and apathy. Another word used to describe this is 'ennui' , which means a feeling of listlessness and?dissatisfaction?arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

Without a purpose we can end up wandering aimlessly.

What’s the point of having a purpose?

It provides you with meaningful intention that can?help you stay focused on the things that matter most to you. This may be your family (very much my focus), friends, faith, career or something else.

I am forever grateful to my child who gave me a real reason to get up every morning and want to keep trying to make change happen. It made me realise what was important not only for us as a family but for others too.It made sense to me and gave me a feeling of purpose.

The more you know what you want the more you can decide what’s important.?A purpose helps you prioritise your life.It also gives you permission to walk away from certain people or activities that don't serve your purpose.This can also help us in difficult times and may help us to dedicate our resources appropriately.

10 ways to think about your purpose??

You can't read a book on 'purpose' and then get on with it, or download an app, install it and off you go!

1. We need to start by understanding more about our identity and who we are and this foundational understanding then allows us to decide our purpose. What are your real values? What stops you moving forward? Dweck talks about growth mindsets .Our mindsets are crucially important because our attitudes and beliefs affect everything we do, feel, think, and experience. If they are fixed and we see ourselves as 'less than' then we cannot move forward.
2. Practising and sharing your learning with others can help to extend what we can do. There is nothing more testing than having to share your thoughts with others to get you to really think about what you are trying to say!
3. Understanding how others see things differently can open ourselves up to new ideas and challenges our views.We need to be prepared to listen.
4. We may need some scaffolding to start with to help us reflect on what we enjoy, and what is important to us and what is not. Ask someone that you value about what they think too.
5. Giving back to others can provide joy and it is never wasted time... but don't burn yourself out in the process. I see too many people who care a lot - care so much they have nothing left.It is important to care for yourself too.
6. Practising gratitude - try and notice what is good around you - it helps lift your mood too.
7. Like Frankl wrote, think about turning your pain into a purpose.
8. Be more aware what you love to do and why you love it.
9. Be part of a community- this can allow your purpose to gradually grow and flourish.
10. Spend time, where you can, with people who inspire you.

Blog author

I am Amanda Kirby, CEO of?Do-IT Solutions ?a tech-for-good company that delivers consultancy and guidance, training and web-based neurodiversity and wellbeing screening tools that have helped 10s of 1000s of people. We strive to deliver person-centered solutions relating to neurodiversity and wellbeing.My purpose is to reduce the inequity in provision and widen access to practical and impactful solutions.

I am a mixed bag of experiences and skills and have 25+ years of working in the field of neurodiversity. I am a medical doctor, Professor, and have a Ph.D. in the field of neurodiversity; parent and grandparent to neurodivergent wonderful kids and am neurodivergent myself.

This is why neurodiversity is so important to me!

Theo Smith and I wrote the UK award-winning book?Neurodiversity at Work?Drive Innovation, Performance, and Productivity with a Neurodiverse Workforce . My 10th book came out called?Neurodiversity and Education in March 2023. I was also voted one of the top 20 Thinkers by?HR magazine for 2022 and a top LinkedIn voice.