Networking for women and non-wankers

Time to steal the secrets of the NEW networking, aided and abetted by the most connected person I know...

Peering through frosted glass windows, it?often looks like?networking is a?world?owned by?white?men in suits?with?slick elevator pitches and?embossed business cards.?To those?of us?who don’t fit into that?mould,?it's easy to?ask whether?we need to bother with all that?to get ahead in business.?LinkedIn, Instagram?and?email?– isn’t that?where?real networking happens nowadays, anyway??Surely there’s little point in hauling myself?to?an Official Networking Event,?only to slink?away?with?zero new contacts?and?the?lingering annoyance?of a wasted evening?when I could?sit in my pjs and?message you with little to no repercussions if it bombs??

It’s?time to change the script?when it comes to making new connections?in person. Online networking is a real, brilliant thing, but?failing to?gain?the skills and confidence to meet new people IRL could?mean you’re really missing out on?even more?fantastic?leads?–?not to mention some?genuinely good?times?and free?snacks.?If that’s not enough, it will also help with career progression and, done right, in fighting gender?stereotypes.*?

How to get started with networking?

So?I’m assuming I?can?consider you converted, but?that?you still?need a hand knowing how to up your networking game.?For you, dear reader,?I spoke to?a chap?who was described to me?as ‘The most connected man in Leeds’, aka?Barry Singleton, Business Development Officer at Nexus. He?generously shared?three?tips on how to prepare for in-person networking?and?insight on?why you don't need to chase connections.?

1. Play the long game?

When Barry talks about networking, it’s with a small N. He’s the guy who would talk to you on the bus.?The one who would stop?to talk?to you in a?corridor?because you?look interesting, or who’d agree to have a Zoom-coffee with me to talk about networking because I asked?(thanks again Barry).??

Why??Well, from everything I heard from Barry, it’s clear that being a good, interesting and interested person is just who he is.?But it’s also clear that some of the people that Barry just happened to meet in a small-N-networking context?have turned out to be?useful?people to know?in a career sense, too.??

The first pearl, therefore, is to forget about the perception of networking as being something that only happens in a conference room with vol au?vents, and?start looking at how you might introduce more happenstance into your life.?In Barry’s words:?“You never know who you’ll meet, and you never know where those meetings might one day take you, so be open to conversations anywhere.”?

?2. It’s not me, it’s you?

Have you ever thought, ‘What should my impressive opening line be to get this impressive person to think I’m really smart and talk to me?so I can sell him my services...’? Well,?ditch the idea that you?should be?selling?yourself, and instead try making?your in-person conversations all?about?them. Barry told me?that when it comes to making real connections?it's key to “be more interested in others than you are in yourself – ultimately people do love talking about themselves”.??

He also?told me there were no scripts needed: “You just need to be able to ask the right questions to get them talking. Just keep asking open questions”.?And from that, connections will be made, conversation will turn to you in time, and circumstances may well mean you’re well placed to work together now or in the future. And when they do, you’ll?be coming at it from a place of?meaningful connections and understanding of their challenges, and not just them?understanding?how much you talk about you.?

3. The magic question?

That stuff about ‘there’s?no script?for networking’ is all well and good, but?some of us will undoubtedly find it useful to have a?phrase or two?that we can pull out to get the conversation flowing in the right direction. Barry mentioned a couple that?might?seem impossibly basic to many,?but?that?I wish someone had told me when I was starting out. There are myriad?benefits?to?asking something?questions?as simple as,?‘How’s business doing?at the moment?’?or ‘What are your priorities?’.?I’ve found both useful over the last few years for?opening up?conversation with people in every role and industry and recommend giving it a?go.*?

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*It’s?especially important that women?take up space if we find ourselves in a more traditional networking context.?As women, the rest of the world will be making?assumptions?about us before we open our mouths. For example,?they’re likely to assume that as a woman?we?are unlikely to be?in?a?leadership role, that we?will be?less equipped to deal with strategic conversations,?and therefore to?bring?insights to their business challenges.?The tenor of your questions can help?challenge those expectations and shake those stereotypes as well as building your confidence.?So go on, ask about trading. Don’t be afraid to ask?what?something?means?if you didn’t get it?first?time.?Don’t smile and nod if you don’t agree, but instead?challenge, I dare you.?And whatever you do, don’t offer to top up drinks or take plates. By refusing to shrink, you’re?setting the tone for your future engagements, plus?making more room for others who need it.?

** Barry also highly rates Dave Howlett from Mississauga, Canada, who's the man behind the TEDx Talk about being a?Real Human Being. Barry would advocate getting into his philosophy, including the 'watch your weekend' school of thought.?

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What’s your magic question? I’d love to know, as well as any other ideas that will help others to build confidence with in-person networking.??

If you’d like more info on Barry Singleton and his wonderfully winding journey,?not to mention?all of?the brilliant views I couldn’t fit in here,?check him out. Thanks again, Barry.??