Networking: The Why and How?

During my last decade in the Navy, I was on several flag officer staffs, including OPNAV (the Navy headquarters in the Pentagon). During these tours, I interacted with people in many other Navy commands, other government agencies, academia, defense contractors, even embassies of foreign countries. I traveled so much that I gained status on two different airlines in 2013. 

Everywhere I went, I traded business cards with the people that I met. I never threw those business cards away. At the end of my Navy time, I had a huge stack of business cards. This should have represented a large and valuable network, but it didn’t. It was just a stack of business cards, because I couldn’t remember most of those people, had no idea where or when or why we had met. I had nothing to remind them of why they should remember me.

I had interacted with a huge number of people but formed relationships with only a very small percentage of them. All the other business cards really represented lost opportunity.

I remember vividly a conversation that I had with someone in San Diego two or three years before I got out of Navy. He had asked me how long it would be before I planned to retire and move on to a civilian career and then went to great length to talk to me about networking. He told me then that even though I felt that I had plenty of time that it would slip away quickly and that I needed to start preparing immediately. He even assured me several times that he would be happy to talk further any time and that he would help in any way that he could. He was very sincere. There is no doubt in my mind that I could have really called him at any time and he would have been happy to help me. I really could have used his help in the transition, if only I could have remembered which one of those business cards was his!

If I had only taken a few very simple and painless steps, I could have added all those people to my network, but I didn’t know what I didn’t know and I didn’t know how important it was. Since then, I have developed a simple but effective system for converting people into connections, not just encounters that lead to a stack of useless business cards.

Why is networking important?

Networking is more important now than ever before. The days when people went to college or learned a skill and then hired on with a company and stayed there for several decades are gone. Today people change jobs more often than ever, they job hop a lot and they start job hopping early in life, they move frequently, and more people are self-employed (Wickre 2). All these factors contribute to the need to network to gain and maintain your livelihood.

Judy Robinett tells us that there are invisible lines connecting powerful people like a power grid with underground electrical lines. You may never even know that the power lines are there, but they provide the electricity necessary to power the city. In the same way, these invisible networking lines that connect powerful people, the “old boys network”, power today’s economy. They allow people to get things done that other people cannot even dream of. They enable people to get funding for their projects, they provide invitations to elite events, they give people access to information that most people don’t know exists, they open doors for permits, and they generate business deals. “If you’re not part of the power elite, you don’t just miss out on opportunities. You never even know that they exist.” (Robinett 9)

Robinett speaks of networking in the context of making business deals. Much of her writing concerns how the truly powerful use connections to further multi-million dollar business deals. But the principles are exactly the same for the job seeker. The majority of jobs are found through networking. If you don’t have a strong network, you may not even know that the job you want even exists.

“Other people have the answers, deals, money, access, power, and influence you need to get what you want in this world. To achieve any goal, you need other people to help you do it.”

Judy Robinett

We live in a world today where no one can really do much of anything completely alone. Our society is so interconnected that we truly need each other, not just to thrive but really even to survive. Your contacts are your most valuable assets (Robinett 10).

People are uncomfortable with networking

Even when they understand how important networking is, most people still hate doing it. They see it as being fake, politicking, putting on a front just to get to know someone just enough so that they will help you.  On his WorkLife podcast, Adam Grant tells about a study where one group of people were asked to think about meeting other people at a party and the other group of people were asked to think about making business connections at a networking event. Afterwards the group who thought about networking described feeling dirty (Grant).

There are a wide variety of other reasons that people are uncomfortable with networking when looking for a job. Many report hesitations including feeling that they are bothering people, not knowing what to say, being uncomfortable approaching strangers, and assuming that it is a waste of time because most people they talk to don’t have any job leads anyway (McIntyre). 

Good networking principles

 Reed Hoffman, co-founder of LinkedIn, says that people have four different mindsets with regard to connecting, which he classifies from lowest to highest level. The lowest levels are the most transactional and the highest levels are more giving.

1.      The lowest level is purely transactional. It is an immediate trade where one person does something in exchange for the other person doing something.

2.      The next level is “I do something for you today with the expectation that you will pay me back by doing something for me in the future.” Even though you are not trading something today, it is still a pretty direct trade. No one is doing anything without the expectation of a payback.

3.      Next is building an alliance. Both parties invest in building a relationship, not in making a trade. Both people are interested in helping each other whenever they can and are not keeping score.

4.      The highest level is investing in someone else just because it is important to you. You don’t expect anything thing in return from this person ever and you still want to help them.

Obviously, as you move farther up this hierarchy, the stronger, more trusting, and longer lasting the relationships are. If you are only trading favors in a purely transactional manner, nothing really contributes to building the relationship or a long-lasting exchange (Hoffman).

Numerous authors and speakers agree that the foundation to effective networking is to be a giver, not a taker. People don’t want to connect with takers. Think about the neighbor who always wants to borrow your tools, but never returns them. Are you excited to see him walking up the driveway or do you cringe a little and wonder what he will want to borrow this time? People feel the same about you when you constantly want to borrow their knowledge, or connections, or influence as they do when you want to always borrow their hedge trimmer.

Joe Sweeney tells us that when you go into networking with other people with no expectations for anything in return, you will actually receive back more than you could ever have expected. He says that networking builds confidence and helps you overcome challenges in life. Giving without expecting something in return will enrich every relationship in your life (Sweeney xxiii).

Cinnabon CEO, Kat Cole, agrees with giving as the correct approach in building your network. She says that in order to build a network of people of value, you must focus on what you can give, not on what you can get. She even recommends that when you meet people you ask them to tell you about a problem during the initial conversation and offer your help. She cautions, however, that you can’t give just to get something back. This approach only works if you truly care about people (Cole).

Fundamental principles for networking online or in person

If you want to be successful at networking, you must take action. Just showing up is not enough. At any social gathering you can look around and find people who are alone, even in a crowded room. Some only talk to their spouse or a friend or someone else that they know well and are very comfortable with. None of these approaches is useful in building connections.

You must actually approach other people and engage with them. Those who are standing alone would probably appreciate it if you walked up and talked to them because, while it will obviously benefit you, it would also help them to feel more comfortable and less self-conscious. When you do talk to someone else, try taking these actions.

1.      Be a good listener. Ask questions and pay attention to the other person.

2.      Be a keen observer. Put yourself in the mindset of the other person.

3.      Be curious. Figure out what makes the other person tick.

At first thought, it may seem that observing and being curious are the same or, at least, very similar. In fact, however, they are not. Observing is physical – you are looking and listening to physically take in information. Curiosity, though, is a mental activity – you assimilate the information gathered by observing, mentally working on it, and do something with it (Wickre 12-17).

There are also several specific steps you need to take to turn casual encounters in to meaningful connections.

1.      Find common ground quickly. Figure out someone you have both worked with or a place you’ve both been to or a hobby or interest that you share. It doesn’t really matter what it is, you just need to find anything in common that you will be mutually interested in talking about early on.

2.      Share a story. In fact, both of you should share a story so that you can learn a little about each other and begin creating a bond.

3.      Create a future to-do. Offer to help with something, plan to attend some event together, or set a future meeting. Plan something that will force you back together again to grow the new relationship (Wickre 21-22)

In order to be a good connection, you must follow up. Always keep your word. If you tell the person that you will do something do it. Otherwise, the person may be expecting something from you, even if it is just a very small gesture, and when you fail to deliver, they feel that you were just telling them you would do it to network for your own benefit. This makes people feel that you don’t care about them. Keeping your word by following through is vitally important in building the relationship (Wickre 26).

Networking on LinkedIn

 The real key to success on LinkedIn is engagement. You must participate if you want to be noticed and to grow. Collecting any number of connections does nothing for you if you don’t engage in conversation with them and build relationships. There is a huge difference between connections and quality connections. If you want to have quality connections, you must to be a quality connection.

What is a quality connection? These are the people who are engaged on the platform. They are more likely to comment on your posts and comments. They are more likely to introduce you to someone else. They are more likely to step up and help other people.

Additionally, I recommend that you accept all connection requests from recruiters, whether they are headhunters or internal recruiters for specific companies. Even if the recruiter is at a company you don’t want to work for or in an industry that doesn’t interest you. Connect with them anyway.  Just like other people, recruiters change jobs often, so the next time they pop up they might be at a company that excites you. Recruiters are also professional networkers and LinkedIn users. Even if that particular recruiter doesn’t represent any jobs that you want, he or she probably knows someone that does.

General steps for building quality connections on LinkedIn

You start building your network by first providing value to other people. Post consistently on LinkedIn. I recommend that you try to post several times a week, but you must post every week. If you are in the job market, many of your posts can even be questions seeking to learn more about that area. Use hashtags that are relevant to your topic and you can tag a few people you would like to see comments from if you want. 

You also need to comment on other people’s posts and on their comments. I have heard a rule that you should comment at least four times for every post, but I comment far more than that. If you want to really grow your network fast, you should set aside some scheduled time every day, maybe a half hour or an hour a day, and comment as much as you can during that time. BUT just commenting “great post” or “I agree” or “Thanks” will not generally help build your network. You need to write a comment of substance. Your comment should be at least one full sentence and preferably two or three. You don’t have to compose a book in every comment, but you want it to say something of value and be long enough to be noticed, both by the author and by other people.

Now, after you are consistently posting and commenting, here are my steps for growing.

1.      If someone comments on your post or your comment, first answer them or thank them in the comments immediately. Also like their comment.

2.      Go to their profile page and quickly read through to see if they are someone with common interests, or maybe a career path that you would like to learn more about.

3.      While on their profile page, go to the activity section and see what other posts and comments they have made. Comment on some of them if they interest you.

4.      Send them a connection request. This person has already commented on your content. If you connect, they will probably comment again and again. They have already shown that they have common interest. This means that they are probably connected with other people who also have common interests. Every time they comment on your content, other people in their network will see that on their feeds and help expand your network.

5.      There are mixed opinions on whether you should send a personalized note with the connection request. I usually don’t send one. Since I have just commented on something they posted or they commented on something I posted, they know who I am and why I am asking to connect.  I don’t usually send random connection request without any prior interaction unless I see something that is a pretty obvious connection reason. Some small number of people think the personalized note is very important and won’t connect without it. 

6.      Read through your feed and comment on things that interest you.

7.      Search hashtags related to the career field or industry you are interested in and comment on posts that people have written and tagged with those hashtags.

8.      Search LinkedIn groups and join those that are related to your industry and career interests and post and comment in the groups.

9.      Send a connection request to everyone who comments on your posts or comments if they have common interests or if you find them interesting, even if it doesn’t look like they can help you. You never know who they know.

10.  Every time you comment on someone else’s content, check their profile and if they interest you, send them a connection request.

11.  After anyone accepts your connection request or if you accept their request, send them a private message to thank them and ask if you can help. Many of them will take this opportunity to start a conversation and that builds a relationship.

Networking in person

When you meet people in person and begin a conversation, focus on being interested, not interesting. This is a paraphrase of a famous quote made my Dale Carnegie in his 1936 classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People (Carnegie 54-62). Ask them questions and pay attention. Let the other person talk about themselves for a while. They will usually return the favor and ask you to tell them about yourself later in the conversation, but even if they don’t, let them talk anyway. You’d be surprised at how many people feel that no one ever listens to them. When you do, it really makes an impact and they remember it.

Here are a few actionable steps for making a lasting impact on people.

1.      When you meet someone, take a genuine interest in them and engage them in conversation.

2.      Collect their business card and offer them yours.

3.      Try to create a future to-do, as discuss in earlier.

4.      After you walk away, flip their business card over and write on it something that will jog your memory of who they are, why you have their card, and something you can say to them later to remind them of your conversation.

5.      Also write down the future to-do you agreed to or anything else that you promised them, and then actually do it. You must follow through in order to build trust and credibility!

6.      Within the next few days, send them a short email to say that you enjoyed meeting them and talking with them.

7.      Connect on LinkedIn.

8.      Comment on any of their LinkedIn content.

9.      Meet up for the future to-do that you discussed.

Wrapping up

Networking online or in person does not have to be a chore. If you go into it with the right motives and strive to be a person of value to other people, you will reap unexpected rewards. Just like telling people that you appreciate will almost always make you feel better yourself, you will find the same to be true with networking. Finally, consistency is a key to success here. If you post and comment on LinkedIn on a regular basis, you will build a following over time. The same rule applies to networking in person. Whether you are going to networking events, other career-related events, or social gatherings, do so on a regular basis and engage with the people you meet. You will fine your network growing quicker than you realized that it could.

Notes:

1.      Wickre, Karen. Taking the Work out of Networking, Touchstone, 2018, pp. 2.

2.      Robinett, Judy. How to Be a Power Connector, McGraw Hill Education, 2014, pp. 9-10.

3.      Grant, Adam. “Networking for People Who Hate Networking.” Audio blog post. WorkLife with Adam Grant, Web. 2019.

4.      Hoffman, Reed. “Networking for People Who Hate Networking.” Audio blog post. WorkLife with Adam Grant, Web. 2019.

5.      McIntyre, Marie. “Why People Hate Networking (And What to Do About It).” YourOfficeCoach, 2017, https://www.yourofficecoach.com/coaching-resources/job-search-skills/networking-strategies/why-people-hate-networking.

6.      Sweeney, Joe with Mike Yorkey. Networking is a Contact Sport, Benbella Books, Inc., 2010, pp. xxiii,

7.      Cole, Kat. “Networking for People Who Hate Networking.” Audio blog post. WorkLife with Adam Grant, Web. 2019.

8.      Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People, Gallery Books, 1981, pp. 54-62.