Networking Tips for Introverts Who Don’t Enjoy It
Carol Stewart MSc, FIoL
Coaching Psychologist | Executive, Career, Leadership Coach Specialising in Introverted Leaders, Women, & Underrepresented Groups – Coaching You to Lead with Confidence, Influence, and Impact | Speaker | Trainer
Industry specific conferences and festivals, award ceremonies, end of year celebrations and events... at this time of year, it always seems that there are so many networking events to go to. But for many introverts, networking is something that can be draining and overstimulating. Which can lead to them avoiding it. Or if they go, not getting the most they can from it.
The reason for this is that the environment of networking events tends to be one where there is a lot of external stimulation, whereas introverts have a preference for less stimulating environments. Add to this, if you are someone who lacks confidence in networking, it can make for an unenjoyable experience overall, and you may avoid it.
There are many benefits to be gained from networking, which, as a reminder include:
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There have been many studies over the years that show the link between networking and career success. If you are looking to progress in your career, make networking part of your strategy.
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If you find networking unpleasant, the following tips will help you make it a much more enjoyable experience.
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Change your perception about it
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A client for whom business development and bringing in new clients was part of her role likened networking to a meat market where everyone is trying to sell you their wares. But networking is not meant to be like a meat market, it is meant to be about building meaningful connections and developing supportive relationships.
Changing your perspective about networking and viewing it this way will help make it feel less daunting. ?Change what you think and believe, and you will change how you feel about it. You may still meet people who treat networking with a meat market approach, however, you don’t have to engage with them if you don’t want to.?
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Give your networking purpose
Attaching purpose to your networking will make it more of a meaningful experience. What is your overall objective for networking? Are you looking for career or business opportunities? If so, if these opportunities come about, what will that mean to you on an intrinsic level?
For example, suppose you want to obtain a board position because you want to be able to influence change that will go some way to bringing about social justice in your area of influence. Networking can be one of the vehicles that will help you to achieve that.
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You don’t have to engage in small talk with lots of different people
Introverts typically don’t enjoy making small talk, preferring depth of conversation over quantity. However, small talk is a way of breaking the ice and a precursor to getting into a more meaningful and engaging conversation. It helps to build rapport. Some people find small talk helps when they are nervous as it is easier for them to build up their confidence by initially talking about trivial matters.?
You may find making it your intention to speak to a much fewer people and having more meaningful conversations excites you more than the thought of having to talk about the weather to lots of different people.
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You find it difficult to approach strangers
Have some conversation starters up your sleeve and when you start speaking to people, ask open questions. Questions that start with what, who, where, when, and how, that require more than a yes or a no response. Listen and pick up on something they’ve said and ask another open question. Do this a few times in order to get the conversation flowing.
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If you find it uncomfortable starting conversations with strangers, particularly if they’re all in groups, remember, you are probably not the only one in the room who feels this way. There are bound to be many others as well.?
Learn to identify the tell-tale signs and start talking to them. Signs such as standing at the edge of the room looking uncomfortable. Or constantly checking their phones (or pretending to) could be something they’re doing in an attempt to make it look like that is the reason they’re not speaking to anyone. Approach these people, they will probably welcome it.
Give yourself time to recharge
Going to a networking event after being overstimulated from a busy day at work and being around lots of people can make you feel like you just want to retreat, making it difficult for you to engage. Try and recharge before you go so that you feel energised to be sociable.
Also, give yourself time to recharge after, otherwise, if you have been overstimulated by networking, you will probably feel drained the next day.
Do you want to know a secret? When I first started my coaching, training, and speaking business 12 years ago, I was stalling and complaining that things weren’t taking off. With my coach, I identified that it was the thought of networking that was holding me back. As an introvert myself, and someone who had never had to network for business in this way, my perception of networking was putting me off. I would be the one at networking events at the edge of the room, pretending to check my phone.?
With that realisation and a change in my perception and approach, I was able to make it work for me and now, I enjoy it. If I go networking and have been overstimulated prior, it can be more of an effort to be sociable and engage, because I feel drained. So, having time beforehand to recharge and re-energise is important for me. Likewise, so is giving myself time to recharge after so I don’t go into the next day feeling drained.
If you don’t enjoy networking, it can be an enjoyable experience when you make it work for you. And not only that, but it can also open up doors of opportunity that you might not even be able to imagine.
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How is networking for you? Do you love it or hate it and if so why?? I would love to know so please share your comments below.
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Does introversion or extraversion matter in team leadership and why? If you are an introvert, just how on earth do you balance your own introverted needs with the needs of the team you are managing? These are questions that -?speaker, accountability and leadership coach, entrepreneur, and author of multiple works Jodi Lasky , who is also an introvert with ADHD, addresses in this podcast session. Click on the podcast link above to listen.
About Me
I am an Executive, Career and Leadership Coach specialising in introverted women who are senior leaders. Through my work I have helped 1000s of women across the globe to increase their confidence, influence and impact as leaders, and overcome imposter syndrome, increase their executive presence, improve speaking performance in meetings, get a promotion, and much more.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment?here .?
Engagement Manager| Parent Governor
1 年This was a great read. Good tips on speaking to only one or two people at an event rather than thinking you have to make your way around the room. I like the suggestion of recharging after networking.
Craft ManagementPractitioner in Massage for Autism, SEND and Mental Health.Qualified December 2023Reiki Master - Holistic management of Humans, Pets, and Farm animals.
1 年Great Article Carol, networking is daunting in general because we don't know who is who and if they are there for their business or if they are just there to make friends. I've been hit on constantly on Linkedin by Men using it as a dating site. I hate it with a passion. I'm not even the "Queens Head" to look at, yet I'm sure they go around randomly picking women in their own age groups. NEXT:- Shoulders back, deep Breath! Do I want a job or not one? If I'm in there thinking well, err, maybe, maybe not, umm. - Then not the right type of mindset. What am I doing here?! That should have been taken care of before you entered the building. I went to one for Work once and found it daunting. Armed with CV's I dished them out to everyone and didn't say much, just looked at what they were offering and tried to scuttle back out again. But not an ideal situation. However, my CV must've done the work, because before I got home I was being called on the phone constantly and I was only sitting in the Cafe afterward. I went back into the Jobs fayre to where people had called me and introduced myself better. The lack of confidence I didn't have, was really I didn't need, People were friendly enough to "just talk."
Owner at DMG Inc
1 年Well said!!!
Sales Associate at American Airlines
1 年Thanks for sharing
Board member | Retail Area Manager | IT Manager | Project Manager | IAMRemarkable Facilitator
1 年Thanks for this article Carol, I could recognise myself and have learnt a lot of tips....that will help me get out of my bubble....I am the kind of those who deliver in the shadow and expect to be seen but it does not work that way of course, I have learnt it the hard way....so I am working on it