Networking for one, please

In the last 6 months, I have done a lot of networking. As a corporate fundraiser for a small local charity, it's kind of my bread and butter. Also, in the last 6 months I have become single in my thirties. And I have discovered that the two don't mix. Here's why.

Anyone who's been in business development for a while will tell you that the key to good networking is to pick up on social cues - where someone lives, what their hobbies are, what their kids are like etc. Most people are all too happy to pepper professional chat with references to their wives, husbands, families and kids. It makes sense, our relationships are part of who we are, and networking is all about relationship building, and getting to know people. The trouble is, the equivalent conversation fodder for the single gal (or guy) is cringey dating stories, singles holidays and trying new things. And for some reason, people tend to get very uncomfortable with all of this. You can be chatting away to someone, thinking you're making some professional ground, but as soon as you reference something that (unwittingly) broadcasts you're single, suddenly said someone is backing away to the pastry table and casting around the room for another person, any other person, to talk to.

Why is this? Is it because single people are boring to talk to? I don't think so. I and my single friends are constantly being told by our shacked up counterparts how exciting and varied our lives sound. And I have personally had some of my most interesting conversations with new singletons, who are discovering what life can offer them outside of coupledom. Gigs, festivals, volunteering, new pets, new hobbies, new jobs. All sounds like strong conversation starters to me.

Perhaps it's because they worry we're coming on to them? Like we treat every professional networking as one big speed dating event, keeping a beady eye for "the one". Spoiler alert: We don't.

Equality, diversity and inclusion are (rightly so) the buzzwords of the business world these days. Companies of all shapes and sizes are being encouraged to embrace difference and embed it in to their working practices. Well, can I propose we throw "relationship status" in to the mix. Single girls in their thirties are regularly being told now - hallelujah! - that there's no single pathway for women, that marriage and babies and homeownership aren't the be all and end all. That we can choose to do things differently. So let's champion this on the networking circuit. The next time you're talking to someone and they mention a great restaurant they tried on a recent date, why not ask them how it went? You'll make a single gal's day. And hey, maybe it'll even help build that professional relationship you've come for.