Networking nightmares

“As a leader of a growing team or company, the single most important thing you can do is ensure your success is to invest in building a culture of givers”??

Adam Grant, Give and Take.

Networking is one of those words that brings a sense of horror and dread for some and yet for others it appears to come easy.??There is some truth in networking being easier as you get a little older, not necessarily because you have more practice but in general because the older you get the more established existing networks and knowledge you have.

When people ask me about networking, when they complement me by thinking this is something I’m good at when for myself I still me in learning mode, my very simple guide has always been to imagine relationships like a set of old fashioned weighing scales.?You know the type shiny brass ones that maybe in olden days a kindly shopkeeper maybe used to weight hard boiled sweets out on? ?That kind of thing.

When I envisage the weighing scales as a metaphor what I’m trying to do is give generously and more so than I ask or get in return.?This is not hugely scientific or transactional and I don’t mean it to come across that way at all.?

For me it is simplest to just focus on what do I have now that can help someone else be successful.?And why would I not do this??Nice guys don’t finish last and it’s really good to feel like you’ve helped someone out, whether that’s knowledge or sharing a network.

Yet novice networkers step in to a room typically feeling disarmed and unprepared.

Blinded by a panic over how do they get what they want, they leave one of their biggest assets at the door - a curious mindset. ?

They may enter the room with no objective in mind or a determined objective in mind.??Entering the room with no objective in mind is likely to make this person the one who hangs around the outer orbit of conversations, trying to smile and mimic body language but not really contributing or able to contribute because they are not really sure why they are there.?

In most instances this is all mindset more than technique yet it blocks a lot of us from being at our ease in networking, especially if your source of energy doesn't intuitively come from a room full of people - be you an introvert or centrovert.??

Be more curious, ask questions to improve your knowledge and just suspend from your mind that notion of “what will I do with this insight and how can this insight help me”.?Just absorb and take pleasure in collecting and letting someone know they have been heard.??You don’t know or yet necessarily need to know when this will become useful, just trust that it will, even if only the simpler and easier bond you have with this person next time around.

The person entering the room with a determined singular objective in mind – the hunter presents an altogether different problem because their approach is transactional and long term connective relationships are always built on social and emotional capital, not just transactional elements.?It’s easy to spot and can be quite alarming and off-putting because this networker is only interested in tipping the scales in their favour – they offer little that is of not benefit to themselves.?

You sense their curiosity is curated, if you're experienced you can anticipate the moment when the hunter will pounce with the pitch.

You know these people because they are looking for the hook. They have a message to tell you and their listening skills are scanning for the point at which they can insert their story. Even if they get what they want in that networking encounter, the trouble is they got exactly what they asked for and likely no more.?And no more than was necessary was being offered.?And as for the door next time round – likely closed or cautiously ajar. I fear these folk, they do little for me and get little from me in return.

Social and emotional capital comes from a place of care.?People don’t really care about you unless they feel you recognise also something they care about. ?And offering what you can towards helping them be successful builds up goodwill equity in the relationship and intuitively gears people towards an unwritten culture that connective energy leads to greater success than one person can achieve on their own.

Closing the generosity gap is something you don’t have to wait for the next “Chamber” meeting to take part in.?So make a habit of doing favours for people without asking for anything in return.?Now we’re not necessarily talking about changing your life forever to be a kind of vocational Mother Theresa – you could start at a time-limit – if you know you can help out with knowledge, a connection, a piece of insight or a listening ear and it’ll take under ten minutes then get into the habit of just doing it.??

And don’t look for anything in return, it’ll come back to you later in multiples without having to ask.?Even when asked “what can I do for you”, I’d be tempted to create some space to ensure this act sincerely builds capital in the relationship and doesn’t drift an odd "I'll collect on your debt later" type ending. Good relationships and connections are not transactional.

TAKE THIS ACTION TODAY

Next time you’re in a meeting and you’re listening to someone’s idea or you see someone who you think you can help you could raise your hand and offer than help.?A great idea is to approach them after the meeting, demonstrate your “I heard you” listening skills and offer your help.??One thing that’s easy for you to do that’ll make things easier for them.?Don’t wait to be asked.?Make a resolution you’re going to do this for someone once a week and it’ll become habitual.

It's often a lot easier to offer help to those we like and then let those we don’t kind of figure it out for themselves.?But don’t be afraid to approach those who are working on something you don’t necessarily agree with or like.??

Approach them and offer your help, allowing them the space to decline but there’s little downside to doing this only the upside of turning a relationship that is unproductive into a connective and collaborative relationship (win!). Even if you weren’t a fan of the project itself, you’re able through this person to at least offer a contribution (double win!) and if they take some of your insight on board you may even start to warm to the project itself (win bonus streaks all round).??Just be sure not to overstep your mark here – offer the help that is willingly taken and that is all, it’s not a game of influencing by subterfuge.

ARE YOUR NETWORKING SCALES IN BALANCE?

Ask yourself now, how do your weighing scales look??Has your week been all about demands and take from your team – even though you may carry the stripes to make those demands, there are going to be times when you’re hoping your team have your back and will bring you the good stuff without needing to be asked.??Check your weighing scales but get into the habit of giving generously and it will all come back, even more than you ever imagined.

That’s it for this time, let me know what you think in comments, if you like Thriving Leader why not share with someone you think would benefit. We’re all trying to grow.

The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time to plant a tree is today. Discover lots of articles just like this, podcasts to develop yourself for free and how to fire up your quietly successful career at www.ianbrowne.com