Networking and Neurodiversity

It's loud. Like really, really loud in here. Looking across the sea of people, everyone is dressed to impress. The low mood lighting of the bar is offset by the occasional coloured LED or spot light, that due to my height, nearly blinds me. It's early evening, the sun is creeping towards the horizon. We're networking. "There's load of people here you should meet Rob, keep circulating and rack them up". I grin and nod, then promptly head for someone I already know. Because the thing is, networking is really tough for me, and lots or neurodivergent people like me. In many ways the kryptonite to my superpower.

Networking is really tough for me, and lots or neurodivergent people like me. In many ways the kryptonite to my superpower

First things first - what is 'neurodivergent'? What's it mean? Why is it important? We should start by saying everybody's brain processes stimulation, interactions and emotions differently. Difference, at its base, is the one thing we all have in common. Being 'neurodivergent' means your brain is wired a little bit differently in terms of how it processes information, interactions, emotions and stimulation. When I say 'differently', I mean it is slightly divergent from a 'normal' range. What's normal? Who gets to define it? Good questions but not for right now. Neuordivergent conditions have been categorised, sometimes that's useful, sometimes not, but you have probably heard of dyslexia, ADHD, autism, dyspraxia, Tourette's etc. All of these are aspects of neurodiversity.

Difference, at its base, is the one thing we all have in common. Being 'neurodivergent' means your brain is wired a little bit differently in terms of how it processes information, emotions and stimulation.

Networking is a big part of any career. We're a social animal, not a solitary one. Building products, solving problems, curing cancer, selling or supporting clients, is all done in teams. There isn't much point in advocating for a working environment where networking isn't required, we have to take the plunge and get into it. For neurodivergent people like me, or even just if you're a bit shy, it can feel overwhelming. The purpose of this article, in neurodiversity celebration week, is to try and raise awareness of seeing the world through my eyes. Neurodiversity has a huge challenge, as part of inclusion, because it requires us to create environments and social settings where people can be their whole selves, and make the invisible - visible. What some people call a "hidden disability". I'm trying to talk to the majority of people who are not neurodivergent, and trying to encourage us all to create spaces to neurodivergent team members can speak to you, and you get where they're coming from. I'll give you an example.

Neurodiversity has a huge challenge, as part of inclusion, because it requires us to create environments and social settings where people can be their whole selves and make the invisible - visible.

This week was the end of my first month at PA Consulting. It's a tricky time shifting not only 'jobs' but also careers (I used to be in the British Army), identities (I used to be a soldier) and indeed venue (working from home and remotely). Last week we had a 'Team Building' day. The sort of event I would read on a calendar, even as a Commanding Officer, and have to really psyche myself up for. But why?

Neurodivergent people find some aspects of social interaction incredibly difficult. For me it's eye contact for prolonged periods, waiting to talk instead of butting in, imposter syndrome (I'm not good enough and I don't belong), being in large groups of 30+, and a huge amount of general social anxiety. It takes a HUGE amount of physical and nervous energy just to 'be there'. And I fully appreciate that's the same for some neurotypical people too. ND folks tend to drain their 'social battery' a lot faster, need to withdraw, and sometimes just need to sit alone and undisturbed, just to process the day or the event.

The question then is how can you be a good ally for someone who identifies as being neurodivergent or 'ND'? How can we work together to create understanding so we can build brilliant teams that create great products and solve problems? Because neurodivergent people ARE super skilled at all those things, and a great addition to any team. Understanding a little bit more about neurodivergent conditions helps match strengths to problems and unlock the true power in that team. The easiest way is to create 'psychological safety' in your team. The ability, comfort and emotional climate to come forward and say what you're thinking or what you feeling. And Leaders go first. As well as tiny micro accommodations in your working environment.

Last week I found myself in a new joiner call with the Senior Partner in my part of the business. There were probably five or six of us on the call. The Partner immediately put everyone at ease, in what was a pretty important call. After all, the Partner had been the final say in hiring us, and agreeing on what terms. Their intro, based on the critical factors of storytelling and curiosity, created the conditions and safety, for people to be themselves. "I want to know more about you, not what it says on your CV, and not something you've shared with fellow new joiners". Let's try and get beyond that, they said. I'm curious about you, what you're like and what's made you how you are. I discovered more about my fellow newbies in that 40 minutes than I had the previous two weeks of calls. It was a safe (and fun) space to talk. The two things that aren't on my CV? That I identify as having ADHD and I've been sober for over 1600 days.

In small groups, in semi-private settings, you can create that safety that makes those conversations possible. But let's head back to the Team Building day. The first part of the day was small groups (6-8) navigating around the neighbourhood of our offices, completing tasks, challenges and trivia. It was fantastic. In this setting you might find your ND types hanging on to one particular task, or type of task. You might find us in the thick of it for part of the day, and simply tagging along for other parts. On the tougher side you might find us frustrated and frustrating in equal measure. But it helps if we can explain why. In my team I did most of the map reading, not a lot of the socialising and at times can feel a bit 'aloof'. But really I'm enjoying myself, I just don't really know how to express that. Bottom line, I (and we) are just another player in that team, with a great set of skills, that if we understand, include and apply, can lead to great things.

Back to the Bar then. How was it there? In truth this part is less about ND people and more about being a good ally, colleague or friend. That's the whole goal of neurodiversity celebration week. Much of it is to do with mutual respect, empathy and understanding. Hopefully your team might have created an environment where someone feels confident and safe enough to tell and live their truth. To make the invisible - visible - just like that Senior Partner did.

We all have a role in understanding the ND experience. ND people can feel overwhelmed, want to leave early, or withdraw, and that's OK. That they might like to talk somewhere quieter, outside rather than inside. If you can make an effort to spot that person slowly passing your talking circle, open it and welcome them, they'll join, if only for a little while, or they might come and go. That doesn't mean they dislike you or this group - it's just what they can manage - its different but it's just as valid. And please avoid those labels and stereotypes (you know the ones I mean). Just be open to listening to how they, see, feel and interact with the world, and understand that it's different and often harder for them.

I left the bar after about two hours. That's often about what I can manage in a big group. I chatted to a few people, not too far beyond the range of people I know, or have 'Teams-Met', because that's what I can handle. The small team I spent the day with will have a completely different understanding and appreciation of me, to folks I met in the bar. And that's fine. Of the 100+ people from the company in the bar I probably met less than 15%. But it's a start. We all have our own styles, habits and 'performance'. Some sunflowers and climbers love those conditions, I guess I'm more of a dappled shade kind of a guy, and that's fine too. Difference is the only constant, inclusion and allyship is a way to get the best from all, not some.