The Networking Matrix How to Net without Working (if you hate networking, this article is for you!)

The Networking Matrix

How to "Net" without "Working"

(if you hate networking, this article is for you!)

It seems like some people are just natural at networking, doesn’t it? They seem to have that special, outgoing personality, easing in and out of conversations at parties, having no qualms about introducing themselves, and often the center of attention. When they walk out of a networking event, they have a pocket full of business cards. Meanwhile, you walk away feeling like you were lucky to meet two or three people.

What makes them so good at it? Is it easy for them because they are extroverts? Do they possess some sort of special charm? Why does networking feel like so much work for most of us? 

Whether you are an introvert, extrovert or ambivert, networking can often seem like more work than it’s worth. It feels forced. It feels unnatural. The reality is, networking is not natural for most people because they view networking as a “thing.” Those who are truly great at networking have a secret: they aren’t networking. 

In order to figure out how to net without work, you’ve got to stop believing that it’s something that it’s not. Stop fantasizing that you need to be an extrovert to be a natural networker. Stop thinking you need to read a book or learn a special skill to be good at networking. That just creates more pressure, which in turn, makes it even more work. In the end, this approach makes networking daunting, and will prevent you from ever actually doing the real thing. 

What’s the real thing?  Start with this question: what do you really want to do with your time and relationships? You probably want to create true, organic relationships with people. That’s what I want. And, when it comes to networking, you’ll fare better if you stick with what you really want! The real deal is human connection. If you want to be good at “networking” all you really need is empathy.  Everything else grows from that.

I developed a matrix to explain the difference between good networking (or genuine networking), and bad networking. There are two axes:

Y: Who is networking about, you or the other person?

X: Is the means of connection direct or indirect?

The “Less Work – More Net” Matrix

Note that the y axis shows that there’s a spectrum between the subject being YOU or others. This is not binary. You don’t network just to help people (entirely about others). Nor do you network just to ensure that people know who you are (entirely about you). It’s a spectrum. You want to find yourself your sweet spot where things are organic. You’ll be doing something that helps others, but also helps you. If you show up to an event just to help yourself, you may get a lot of business cards, but people will not connect with you. On the other hand, if you do something that is completely altruistic, you may not make any connections either. If you don’t connect, then you have failed to genuinely network. 

On the x axis, you have to ask the question of whether your method is direct (I’m here to network) and indirect (I’m here to hang with cool people). Again, you don’t have to do everything on the downlow, pretending you aren’t interested in networking. But, by the same token, you cannot do everything with a name badge and a stack of business cards. You want to be in the organic zone, where you can establish that your goal is to build relationships, and not simply to sell something. Yes, going to “networking” events is fine. But, most of your business is going to come from whatever is most organic for you; your informal, indirect networking. That means doing things that you care about and being around people you actually like. For some people this means sponsoring art or creative organizations. For others it means a country club. The key is to find your people. That’s where you’ll have fruitful connections. People you like are going to like you back. Find your tribes, and then remain true to those tribes. You will rarely need to pass out business cards if you are doing it right.

Alright, that’s the first step. Understand that networking isn’t networking. Start approaching it as an organic part of your life, and that’ll help you find your sweet spot on the Less Work – More Net Matrix.

Once you’ve got the existential part down, then you’re ready for the practical. When it comes to practical guidance, I try to break things down into two parts: 1.) BE, and 2.) DO. Let’s start with the BE.

Be a connector

When people first start networking, they are eager to get business cards, add them to their CRM and follow up. They want to own that connection. But, that’s not the best way to establish a connection. Instead, try to be the person who helps people find connections with others. This seems counterintuitive: you are connecting a new contact to someone else. Wait! That seems like networking suicide! Nope. In fact, it can be the best way to establish yourself securely in the minds of both of those connections. You make a deposit into the capital account of both connections. Your capacity to draw from that capital account goes up each time you make a connection. Now, instead of having a business card and a name in your CRM, you have a real basis for that relationship. You have helped two people, not just one. And, you have something that makes it easy (and organic) to follow up on later. 

Be a mentor

Many people feel too busy to mentor. However, there are few better ways of establishing yourself as an authority than mentorship. Mentoring isn’t totally selfless. Mentoring puts you in touch with people who will be your future peers. It requires a longer view of networking, but it pays off in the short-run as well. That’s because people who are in your industry or niche will see you as an authority, and thus will be more likely to trust you. As with any relationship-building, trust is a key factor. Being a mentor also has some wonderful side benefits. It helps you become a better mentee (i.e. you’ll be a more engaged mentee to those who are mentoring you). It also has the benefit of allowing you to reflect on your own path through the eyes of those you mentor. You get wonderful personal growth, while helping someone else and all of it is just organic networking.

Be a servant

Volunteering for an organization that’s relevant to your industry is far more effective than handing out business cards at a networking event. You’ll meet other leaders. You’ll be part of the inside team. You’ll have people asking you about yourself, and they’ll genuinely want to know what makes you tick. In that setting, you are just networking. But, it isn’t work. It’s doing something fun with people you want to be around. It’s organic. 

These three things make an impression that no business card or brochure can ever replace. They also build bonds that last a lifetime and bring a career of referrals. If you are going to learn to network, you don’t need to learn how to DO as much as how to BE. Build your character. Be good. Be awesome. Find connections that matter. 

Okay, for those who are still looking for specific, task-oriented advice, I’ll give you some homework. While you work on how to BE a connector, mentor and servant, there are some tasks you can undertake on your new path toward being a great networker. These are the DO part of my practical advice. 

Listen

Listen, don’t talk, don’t reciprocate stories, don’t analyze, don’t fix….this is a lesson in life, not just networking. Be a great listener and engage without interrupting with your story or turning the conversation back to yourself.

Solve

Solve problems as a part of your empathetic self. Never sell, offer solutions if you can, and if there’s a fit, they will come to you, they’ll buy and never felt sold to.

Ultimately, start with your intent. Don’t intend to network. Intend to help people and the rest will follow. 

Follow-up

Follow-up, but as a friend, and not as a means of getting business. Business will follow. Follow up should be organic, real and true to who YOU are. 

Have fun

Yes, networking should be fun. If it’s something you loathe, don’t do it. But, that’s not an excuse to hide in your apartment either. Challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone, but at the same time, make networking fun. It helps to find networking opportunities that focus on an issue you find important or interesting. Arts. Film. Homelessness. Being around your passion will make it more fun, and get you out of your office to show up at the events.

It’s Not Tinder

Networking isn’t dating. Guys: back off. Be professional. Give the women respect and the space to be comfortable and not feel hit on. Other social settings have trained women to be on guard. Their antenna are up. They don’t need to come to an event and have to fend off guys. It’s our job to give them this respect and this space when it comes to networking. She’s not interested in you. Turn off your charm. Look at her as a peer, as one of the guys, and leave your hormones at the door. 

Ladies: I’m sorry. Men are still men. Get out and network and shake hands and make friends and if a guy hits on you, move on quickly.   

Do I practice what I preach?

If you’ve followed the flow of my article, you’ll see that we started by redefining networking completely. You don’t network. You connect with empathy within your organic environment. You then work on who you are (the “be’s”) and work on a few simple tasks (the “do’s”). But, who the hell am I, and what have I done that makes my article worth your time?

I’m an attorney and entrepreneur. I started my first business when I was 19, grew that and sold it 4 years later and started another, which I also sold before finishing my master’s and heading off to law school. I’ve been an attorney for 18 years and have founded or co-founded a dozen companies along the way. I’ve bought and revitalized businesses and sold them. I’ve started from scratch. I’ve invested with partners. As an attorney, I struck out on my own in 2004 and quickly had a flourishing practice. I co-founded Techlaw LLP, in 2010, which grew to 15 attorneys today. 

A law student recently me asked how I get business. I paused and said, “nothing.” Honestly, I don’t do anything to get business. It just comes to me. And, if you asked most successful business owners, leaders, and business developers, they’d say something along the same lines. Work comes to us. But, how? Because I’ve spent my entire career doing what I said above. I’m doing the organic stuff of networking.

What have I done to net without working? It may help if I give you some specific examples.

-I created my own group: about seven years ago, I joined with one of my friends (a non-attorney) to create an anti-networking “network.” We invited friends who were successful entrepreneurs, mostly in the digital marketing space. We wanted to network without downside. We wanted the fun, organic stuff without someone who had their name badge trying to sell us insurance or financial services. We wanted a way to connect and be with people we could learn from and who we could contribute to. From that group, I’ve made great investments. I’ve gotten clients. I’ve entered into collaborations and joint ventures. I’ve never had to pass out a business card. At any given event, we will have 40-100 people who all want the same thing. They all make amazing connections and keep coming back, but no one sponsors the events, and no one is trying to sell something to anyone else. We are there because it’s fun.

-I teach and train, which is my way of giving back to people in creative and entrepreneur spaces. It costs me virtually nothing to help through speaking, and in return, my name gets circulated. No business cards required. I don’t care if I can ever quantify it. I talk at inventor’s forums, entrepreneur events, and pitch competitions. I do this because I like it and it’s fun. That makes it organic.  I also reach beyond my little community. For example, I’ve done training for the state of Arkansas, I have a free Udemy course on trademarks, and I have seven courses on Lynda.com (now Linkedin Learning).

-I believe in mentorship. One-on-one and small-group mentorship is a great way to build your tribe. When I was a new professor, I was always willing to meet students for coffee. That was seven years ago. Now many of those “kids” are my peers. They refer work to me, and are specialists in their careers. The best part: it never felt like networking. When I am a substitute teacher or guest lecturer at the law school, I’m mentoring. When entrepreneurs and law students want some time, I take it. Do they hire me to be their attorney? Of course not. But, by being in my organic sweet spot, I’m doing what’s perfect for my networking and somehow it all adds up to referrals, clients and plenty of business.

-I sponsor events and organizations. Sponsoring groups and events is a great way to show your love and support of a group, while not needing to be the person who shakes everyone’s hands. Sometimes it just needs to be a small event, and may cost very little. Other times it’s tens of thousands of dollars, but it shows that you actually want to support an organization and its members. I pay to sponsor organizations that I believe in, which puts them in my tribe. I like creatives. They are way more fun than most attorneys. I also love entrepreneurs. Sponsoring things that help them not only feels right, but it puts me among the very type of people I want to be around – building that ever-expanding network without ever having to actually network.

About the Author

Dana Robinson is a founding partner of Techlaw LLP. He is CEO of Trademarkery, LLC, which offers unique trademark management software for attorneys small businesses, called Trademark Bank. He’s adjunct faculty at University of San Diego School of Law, where he co-manages the IP Law Externship. Dana’s upcoming book “Trademark Prosecution, a Practice Guide and Casebook” is due out winter, 2017. He lives in La Jolla, California and is writing a book about reinventing life, tentatively entitled Opt Out. Check out his courses on Linkedin Learning here: Lynda.com