Networking: It’s a (Much) Smaller World Than You Think

One of the biggest worries I hear from networkers is that they fear they don’t know the “right” or enough people to get through career-transition or job search. The truth is, there is no such thing or such number. Many people you know, know other people, who know other people. And when you look closer, they are everyone that you are looking for, and do everything you imagine. But you can’t know this until you reach out.

To some, reaching out seems more difficult than it sounds. But we do it all the time, with every chat we have. And every conversation increases what we have in common. (Meaning that all things we talk about is something we can talk about even more, in the future.)

The real trick is… bringing it up. 

How do we do that? By asking questions or giving up additional information of our own.

How do we know what questions to ask, or what info to share? Well, let’s knock that out of the way, because it’s really simple. 

You know when someone is telling you a story or explaining something? And as they do, internally you hear yourself ask: 

“Oh, really? Why?”

Or: “Wow… how long?” 

Or: “Oh… that happened to me!” 

Or “Yeah, I know that company, they make…” 

Or: “That reminds me of…” 

The list could go on. And each one of those internal moments are questions you can ask, or can be prompts to share your thoughts or overlaps.

Now, how does that transfer into future networking meetings? Because taking the new information you gather from those discussions allows you to get into further discussion on the same or similar topics with other/new people when it comes up. 

Rinse and repeat. If you do, you’ll find out just how small the world really is, and how many people you know that are connected to each other.

Here's a case in point. Back in 2002-3, during in my actor days, I had the great fortune to shoot a movie in Sofia, Bulgaria. Around a month to shoot the project, I was going to be there awhile. Upon arrival, the whole cast and crew met for a dinner to get to know each other. This tall guy, also in the film, sat next to me, and says— “Hey, I heard you were a swimmer.” I had just spoken to the director a couple days before leaving New York, and figured he mentioned something. So I said, “Yeah, I was.” And he says, “Me, too.” 

He asked my (strongest) event, and (best) time. Competitors do this. I tell him (butter)fly and free(style), and tell him my times. Which were pretty good. I mean, I didn’t have world-record times, or anything, but who does? 

He nods like, cool… 

So of course I ask his event and time. (Competitors…) He says it’s also Fly and Free. But his times…were low. Way low. Like, I’m making-it-up kind of low. So I say to his fly time, “Dude, that’s like world-record.” And he replies: “I know. I broke it.” 

Wut?

Now go back 10 years before this moment. If you happened to watch the 1991 Perth, Australia World Swimming Championships, you may recall a rather stellar race between US Swimmer Mel Stewart and Michael Gross of Germany. Mel was the fly swimmer who would breathe to his side, considered unorthodox at the time (drag, anyone?). It was all over sports news, too, because Gross was favored to take a 3rd gold medal for a third time in this event, and a favorite for the 1992 Olympics. In the last lap of the 200 meters, Stewart would come from half a body length behind, passing Gross and setting the new (ahema) world record. Stewart would go on to win the gold at Barcelona in 1992.

I remember a lot of details because, again, I was a swimmer (beginning age nine, through my entire youth, year ‘round), and in ’91, it was my junior year of high school (about to give it up for theatre). I was glued to the TV. I watched him win that race, amazed that guy was breathing to the side!

Back to the cast dinner, 10 years later. “Oh— you’re Mel Stewart…?….!” We had a great time shooting the movie that month.

Small world, right? 

And that’s not even the point, nor the small-world story. 

Fast forward almost 20 years after the movie (just a couple of weeks ago). After a session for my “What’s Next” Career Change Boot Camp that I lead for Randstad RiseSmart, one of the group, Leanne Smith sends me a note to connect on LinkedIn. She mentioned seeing on a session slide that I used to be a competitive swimmer. And she goes on to tell me that her whole family are actually swimmers, and that her husband works with former swimmers in a business capacity.

Wow! Small world, right?

So I tell her the story I’ve just told you, about shooting a movie with an Olympian, who was a swimmer.  (Take note of this fact- that I chose to tell her.)  

And what happens? A day later, I hear from Mel Stewart on LinkedIn. Turns out that Leanne and her husband are good friends with Mel and his wife. 

Wow… Now really small world, right? My two entirely different career paths of acting and executive career coaching merged to shrink my world even more than it is. Like a fishing net brought to the surface, with more of the people in my life in it. With me. And it’s not the first time it’s happened. I’ve had dozens of these moments. And I know there will be more. Because that’s how it (the world/networking) works. And these (re)connections happen all the time, especially if you're open to it to it happening. Meaning just being proactive.

My greater point, however, is that… had I not bothered to mention the story in the first (just a common overlap with Leanne), the connection may never have been made. But it was…because I did.

What will happen now that Mel and I have reconnected? Who knows? Maybe I would ask Mel more about his SwimSwam website/business, and how he goes about his marketing efforts. Maybe he’ll ask me what my opinion is on the information gap between experienced Boomers and the GenX crowd, because his children are/will, you know…. something. Just… who knows? …But ya can’t know ’til ya know… and you can’t do that til you reach out.

Ask questions. When you're not asking questions, volunteer some information. If it’s spot-on with what you’re talking about, or even has some overlap, you open a door to more discussion. The more discussion, the more discovery. The more discovery, the more to talk about. The more people, the more doors. Rinse and repeat. And then one day...one opened door reveals opportunity. Go have a chat.